The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Did I forget to tell you I bribe him with home-made cookies?

Postie ain't touchin' my towel, thankyouverymuchly!! !! Bad enough he keeps losing his marbles on my floor at night!

It's Mad Duck Tape, damn it. How many times must I repeat myself. Oh wait, that's an aspie trait, never mind, all's well.

You found my marbles? And you didn't tell me?

Muffins, Kool-aide and SwampBlossom for that chainsaw now. You keep pushin and I'll throw in some brownies. Couple stopped by sellin cookies and I said....come in. I ate the cookies, sorry.

What? Hey, that's an old family recipe there, that Koolade!

Sounds like my place.

Whatcha got to keep me quiet!!?

Good night/afternoon/morning!

Gromit, I think you are chalking up to be a fabulous grumpy old man!! (Have you got an appropriate hat? And a cane for shaking at the kids that step on your front lawn???)

yeah for a very little while

Do ypu mind not talking too much for the next 24 hours. I am up to page 450 and I keep getting waylaid by African music and strange psychiatrists (that boy needs therapy).

Hello Reika. I'm glad I made the effort to read back because I found out about your daughter's murder. If you need to talk about it this is a good place. Here is a big hug!! !

I also found out about Amanda's name. I'm so thick!!

As I've tracked back I have seen Sleepy Dragon's name and Swampblossom. Yay!

Indeed. You all kept me up until 4am last night. Couldn't tear myself away. Anyone else here from the Southern Hemisphere? Ah well, I guess I'm used to being out of sync.

My cat. I hand feed her with chopsticks 'cos otherwise she sneezes when she tries to eat from her plate.

Thank you. Hard work and dedication in developing my talent has obviously paid off.


Yup. Gold tinfoil. The aluminium's no good. The rays go right through it. And I got the angle of the spikes worked out perfectly.


A cane doesn't have the range. I use a slingshot. I've had enough practice, I can pick off the left little toe at least half of the time. I stopped using the little crossbow for instant earrings, because all those 12 year old girls were messing around in my pear tree, so they could give their mothers an excuse for getting their ears pierced. Said it was my fault! Though I admit, I only caught on when the Goths starting organizing bus tours to my garden and the piercing shop sent a formal complaint to the council for trading without license. I didn't trade! But I showed them. You see, there are my little ... devices. It's amazing what they teach you in survival training, and you don't even need electronics. That dyneema is wonderful stuff. A line so thin you can hardly see it even when you know where it is, and still strong enough to pull a trigger. Of course, some modifications to the delivery mechanism are necessary to launch the liquid or wobbly payloads I prefer. I refused to give the army my special custard recipe, so now they resort to scraping the stuff out of the kids' ears. Ha! You need to know how to cook it, not only what it's like when you're done. Only then can you be sure that it reacts with the wax and sets, like instant epoxy. Most people stick a finger in the affected ear.... It's a reflex, they can't help it.


Apocralypse. Because it's purely apocryphal. Anyway, what am I doing in that list? Postie belongs in there, what did I do to deserve it? I mean, all there was is the train wreck, which I explained, and the superglue incident, which was the sort of accident that could have happened to anyone. My lawyer deniably proved reasonable doubt that I had any connection with either the hot chocolate affair or Ann Coulter's lipstick, and Atlantis, well that really was Ike. I only let him off the leash for a minute, how was I to know what he does when he sees a duck? Postie didn't tell me before he asked me to take Ike for a walk. And the Electric Muffin caused no long term harm to the Health and Safety inspector, and we made him forget, and I improved the prototype, which he recklessly damaged, I might add. He should have asked which sample he could take for testing, and it's a funny sort of testing if you just eat it, instead of taking it to a lab. The Mark II version of the muffin is almost safe, and it is right here, doing nothing. Oh. Hang on. Postie! You said you wanted the muffin only for a moment. Where did you put it?

You deserve to be there, see above for reference.

Postie's in a league all by hisself.

Good morning, everyone!!

It's National Grouch Day here in Canada, so Gromit and Postie will fit right in! Maybe Lau, too, I've seen him get a wee bit cantakerous on occasion. I'll bake 2 cakes, an angel food cake for lil' girls birthday and a lovely Spam and kipper for the resident grouches!

Sorry, Postie! I can't part with my chain saw. I think I'll need to replenish my big stick supply!

Where did I put it? Dost I need remind ye there are two types of muffins? Of which muffin dost thou speakith? There are the good muffins (they like to be ate and they taste good) and then there are the evul muffins. There has been a war of the Muffins for eons. It's a war of epic pronouns, verbs and small furry rodents, huge dynamics and won't fit into a shoe box. Be very very careful of which muffin thou seekest. I put it on the table are ya blind? Maybe someone ate it, we'll know soon enough. Watch for the one that is looking for a pear tree and has a band aide on their left little toe. They just can't help themselves if they ate the wrong muffin. Mark II muffins, oh I do so, too, like the sounds of that one.

Hey don't need any lawyers, guns, or money, blame it on the dog. Ike is a service dog you know. He reminds me to take my pills and I get to blame anything I do on him. He doesn't mind. I asked him. I bribe him with nightly cookies, he'll do most anything for a dog treat.

Damn thanks for the info. It was time to make a new hat anyway. Gold, who would have ever thunk it. Don't have any, but I still have my fools gold nugget, wonder if I can't melt it down and paint it on a new hat. Sounds like a plan.

I thought Apocalypse was 4 guys with cellos that like to play Metallica music. What the hell is this stuff you guys are talking about? Don't worry about me being on any lists, I'm already on more then one.

That Ann Coulter is hot stuff though. I sent her an email to come play with me. She didn't know what Mad Duck Tape was and she just might show up. I'm sure The Wife won't mind, not in the least. She's quite the little liberal she is, The Wife I mean. Hope she wears that lip stick, Ann I mean. Man she's hot stuff, I do so hope she shows.

Pleased to see you're baking a cake for the Cafe, don't forget to put the saw in it. Not the chain saw, a hacksaw blade will work just fine. Some days it is worth it to saw through the bars.

Build it and they will come. I don't really know what it means but it has something to do with baseball players or some such thing. One guy didn't like shoes, so it must be good.