The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Come to think of it, maybe there is still a little sadness left, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten so emotional about the WP member. After all, I didn't know her very well.

It's always sad. People who have not been to that point cannot possible comprehend where that point is or what it is like. Those are the folks you'll hear saying they just can't understand it, or that so-and-so was a coward for taking that way out. They're clueless. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, really. Nobody should ever have to go there - it's a place from which one may not return.

I had a coworker, about a year ago, end his own life. This man was a really nice guy. He was world-famous, highly successful, and well respected, yet somehow in his mind he began to believe that his work was not good enough, that he was a failure in everything he did and that he was about to be fired (no way they'd have ever let this guy go, he was a freaking star!). So he went home, put his affairs in order, left a stack of letters to various people, and put a gun to his head. He was in his sixties.

My daughter had a friend who was always flakey, as long as we'd known her. She lived with an alcoholic mother all her life as her father had taken off when she was young. She'd run away to go live with the father once, and he wanted nothing to do with her and sent her home again. She was an actress - you can still find her reviews if you google her name. Just a beginning actress, but she had tremendous potential. She was very young, 16 or 17, I think, when her mother sent her to live with some relatives in a very rural area on the east coast for reasons unknown to us. She fell in love, was used then rejected, and went out one night to the woods and put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. It was just one heartache too many, I guess.

There have been kids I've known who have jumped off of buildings or stepped in front of trains, or who took overdoses. Some were in drug-induced delusions (we assume), some who were straight "A" students for whom the pressure of having to be the perfect someone that they thought everyone wanted them to be became too much. One was terminally ill and had been given only a little time, and was told that the end was going to be horribly painful and messy for his family to watch. Sometimes they left notes. In some cases there was no way to know what was going on in their heads, they never spoke with anyone and did not seem to want to.

I knew someone who lived in severe pain all day, every day, and who could not get through the bureaucratic hoops to get appropriate medical care. The pain was so bad he used to rock and bang his head on the floor to try to make it stop. It wasn't going to go away. Eventually he found another way out. When I was young a friend drove into an overpass pillar at 90mph. They called it an accident. Her mother burned the note so nobody would know, except that I got a note, too.

There is no one reason that someone decides to end their life, I think. The only correlation I can see is that they have come to a point in living at which the alternative appears better. In a few cases, it may well have been better. I can't judge their decision, I was not in their heads at the time.

And there's not always something that anyone else can do to stop it, even if they know it's on the horizon. It is, ultimately, each person's own choice. It is my sincerest wish that no one ever has to go there, but I know that wishes blow away on the breeze. And that those of us who are left behind are hurt, confused, dazed, guilty, sad, angry, etc., because we cannot understand and didn't have a chance to do anything, or had a chance and blew it, or had no idea what to do. We are helpless, and that's not something many people like feeling. Unfortunately, suicide is one of the few things in the world that is truly permanent, there is no going back. And it's always sad.

RIP, finally, Starbuline.

http://www.xylitol-brand-comparison.com ... WAodz1EFaQ



the above link is some interesting information about ordering xylitol if you are trying to avoid corn products,this company makes it from hardwood.It is more expenssive but also give names of other companies you can google if you dont care about it being made from corn cobs in China.(Given the increase in polotion caused by the over industrialization of China and their lack of gvernmental controls...I get nervious about buying anything I put in my mouth,from there...unfortunately...that is getting harder and harder to tell.)



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fructose_malabsorption


The above link is about the physical problems related to fructose.I thought it might be relevent for some of the physical problems people here have talked about.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylitol




Cool info about Xylitol in link above.





http://www.laleva.cc/food/aspartame_factsheet.html


Scary info about Asparatame




Can you guess my current obsession

Sorry my last post was so off topic.I didnt read the last posts

The next link is a bit more on topic.....


http://alianoraspie.deviantart.com/art/ ... t-64089450


I was allows shocked when I would ask some one if they had ever thought about suicide and heard a resounding.."of course not"..to me that is beyond comprihension...to have never even considered it,is as odd to me as my suicide attempts were to nondepressed people.

I think most people who attempt suicide dont want to be dead...what IS dead,no one really knows what their existence will be when they leave this shell.They just want to not be in pain.

Nan, I just wanted to say that your previous post was BEAUTIFUL! I'v only known 1 person who killed themselves, (my first real CRUSH) Someone here I know husbands' has just committed suicide a few months ago. She summed it all up by saying "It probably was the best thing for him, but it was the worst thing for me."
I only tried it once and it was a super feeble attempt and just a cry for my parents to acknowledge and help me overcome the pain I was in emotionally.They didnt help me or offer any advice or solutions in any instance of my obvious withdrawel and torment. (they didnt even EVER mention it again)

I'm sorry that happened to you, Reika. Sometime we're on our own and just have to find our own way through. It is easier if there's someone along the way to help, though. I wish there always would be. We're not meant to be that alone.

Ummm, balloons?

No, really. Thanks for all the links. My kid can't ingest aspartame - it makes her sick. I tried it in a blind test on her, because I thought she was B.S.ing me or had bought into some new-age health drivel. She wasn't. (Duh, was that stupid of me, or what?)

Something I should check out as well.... I wonder if it can help with migraines, this Xylitol.
If anything else I can always use it in the Alphabet game or the Dictionary game....
By the way got my flu shot at work today.

I recently joined ...tribes.net...they have some really interesting groups there for just about any obsession...mine is crafts and aspies and there are several groups for both but the art/crafts ones are more active.I'm a member of "craftyvixens" but plain on joining several others.They list several links to web-sites that sell hand made crafts...I've been making things for years with no place to sell them.I think I'm going to give it a shot.My materials are cheap(recycled goods)so over head is just my time(and this is something that I love to do...would do all the time if I didnt have to work)

<start lecture>As a general rule, I try to avoid all foods that are highly processed. Who knows what side effects accumulate from all the chemicals used in the refinement process? Today we are aware of some, tomorrow there may be more. Best to grow own organic, or buy from local farm. Not easy for city dwellers, but possible to set aside land for it. Of course, I would like to take this a step further and ask governments to decentralise the production of food completely. Idealistic, of course. Meantime, best to work on the principle of the more natural, whole food, the better. So, if you need sweet, start with honey. Next best would be molasses or unrefined brown sugar. Then white sugar. Then artificial sugar (last resort). </end lecture>

So I was practicing "the smouldering look" today, inspired by our friend Heather. Apart from the fact that I have 20+ additional years, I reckon she would be proud of me.

Krex - the links were helpful. I sent the aspartame and fructose links to my entire family. Around the end of September, I was down the Jersey shore and was having some stomach acid problems. Went out and got some Pepcid AC. After taking it, I got a terrific and weird headache and felt worse than ever. Thought it had something to do with the Pepcid, but then told myself it was probably my imagination, as I always "imagin" (perhaps not) side effects from every remedy I take. Now I know I wasn't imagining it. Whoda thunk?

Hi Krex, tribe.net is how I found WP in the first place.(It's a small internet after all. I'm in the "Anchorage foodies" tribe) not very active. It was right after my kids therapists told me I was aspie that I found it on tribe and they said WP was really active and informative and I'v never gone to any other AS site.
I'v been using oraganic white(it's not white through kinda light tan and more "fluffy" than granulated.) Tastes great through. sugar made from cane liquid I think they bag said (threw it away when I put the sugar in a tin) Am gonna have to do something about the Shrews, they're getting SO BOLD. maybe a cat.

Dang it...wrote one of my moster posts and the server went down.


So.....

I went to the DR and she said that I should stop taking Benadryl to sleep because it was probably causing the faatigue and cognitive decline(not a brain tumor )

She said it's almost impossible to find the cause of my alergies so I should just buy some over the counter Claritin(expensive).

The IBS,and anxiety she said was probably because of my thyroid and took some blood to check my levels.

Anxiety and other cognitive problems at work she said was probably just stress and is doubeling my Effexor(150mg).

She said she would do some other blood tests but didnt say "what for" anf she was in a rush at this point so I was embarassed to ask.I am supposed to see her in a few weeks,so I will have to wait until then to see what she was "measuring".

She said she didnt know of any tests to check for anrinalin levels or adrinal stress?



I didnt cry the whole time(but feel like it now).


On the way home I did check out a mental health clinic that I may go sgn up for tomorrow.I dont know why I still have even a small hope that some one can/will help me but I'm desperate enough to try.I feel like I'm going crazy just thinking about going back to work in 3 days.The time off has just made going back feel even worse.I feel like I'm going to throw-up just thinking about it.
Going to stuff my face with chinese buffet...maybe the nausia is just to much coffee and no food?

I don't think your resemblance to your avatar is coincidental.

Quoting Krex:

I got a laugh from this because I have this theory that as long as I have a yen for Chinese food everything must be okay. This is because there have been times during extreme anxiety that I have sent out for "Chinese". "Woman who send out for Chinese is not dying."

I hope you get it all sorted out Krex.

Krex, hon, please try all the other things first (improved nutrition, have thyroid checked etc) before you go ahead and double your effexor. Can it wait until those results are in, for a few more days?

Reason being, I'm not anti-medication, I take the low dose 35mg Effexor, but I've been on a programme of reducing it with aim to stop over long term.

Not saying you should do same, not even saying you shouldn't increase your dose, if you have to. Just saying try some of the other strategies first and then see how you feel before you do. Effexor can be very hard to reduce once you've started on higher dose. Your body gets used to higher and higher doses. A small cautionary note, not hysterical advice *wink*