Angry NT Wife Seeking Community

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In my voyage of self-discovery, I realised that there wasn't a lot of information out there on positive living with aspergers. If you discount forum which often aren't static, there's even less.

I started a blog a few years back and have posted a lot about my experiences and tips there. (see: http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/).

The thing that saved our marriage in the end was "Marriage Encounters". We'd tried counselling but it wasn't working. Marriage Encounters stopped us focussing on our problems and took us back to basics. Essentially, it was a weekend refresher course to teach couples how to communicate. In particular, it focussed on communicating emotions to eachother, what they felt like, and how strongly we felt. In retrospect (I didn't know I was aspie then), it was the very best thing you could ever teach an aspie and I've not looked back since.

I've talked about Marriage Encounters a few times on the blog but here are some particular times of Note;

Letter Writing in Relationships - Communicating in Aspie (Part 3)
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2008/10/letter-writing-in-relationships.html

An Introduction - Part Four: Family
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2009/06/introduction-part-four-family.html



Sorry, my apologies, it's not clear at all is it.

Right now, you can't scan someone's brain and see "aspergers" in the same way that you can scan someone's arm for a break or someone's blood for a conditon like aids.

Aspergers is invisible, undetectable and unproven.

As such, we're not looking for the condition, we're looking for the symptoms but even then, we don't have a complete and irrefutable list of what they are.

For this reason, the label of Aspergers simply means that you have a bunch of traits which are similar to other aspies.

It doesn't mean that you have all of them.
It doesn't mean that their distribution is the same for you as for others (eg: some aspies have no eye contact problems, while others have very bad issues).

Since there's not a huge amount of material on aspergers, it's not obvious how much the presence and strength of these traits is influenced by outside factors such as environment.

If a trait is being heavily influenced by an outside factor, then it follows that it may be reduced in intensity by making changes to the environment.

Essentially; what I'm saying is that you can't pick up a book on aspergers and automatically ascribe all the traits to your husband. He may have different traits and some may be better or worse than other aspies. It's also very possible that if you pick the most annoying of these traits to work on, and if you find things that aggravate them, you may be able to reduce them to a managable/bearable level.

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I really do think that you could benefit from a forum here to talk to other neurotypical parters of aspies. I've often suggested that people contact my wife who very occasionally posts on here as jbollard. If you pm her she will get a message. I've no idea whether she responds or not because I don't ask her. You're welcome to PM her too.

---

The emotional seeing-eye dog is an issue for me. My wife doesn't assume this role but lets me make my mistakes and signals whenever possible to help me correct them afterward. Funnily enough, several people at work do the same thing for me but most importantly, they let me make the mistakes FIRST. If I don't make the mistakes, I can't learn from them.

By making you a dog/helper, I feel that the counsellors are thrusting you into a position which only adds to the distance between you and your partner. Instead of being equal partners, you become almost a servant for him - or a constant corrector.

Your husband is a good example of a successful aspie but it's time for him to move out of his comfort zone. The help that you're giving him is wonderful but demeaning to you, and probably to him as well. We live in a predominately NT world, there's nothing we can do to change this - so instead of hiding from it (or trying to blend in), aspies need to deal with it in their own terms.

Thanks for the acknowledgment and encouragement. It really helps. The difference between yesterday, before I signed on here, and today, after all the help and kindness I've received here, is like night and day. It has really shifted me back to the loving space with my hubby and now, when he enters the room, I'm all smiles and happy to see him. Since he never holds a grudge or carries any issues through to the next day, he's just pleased that I'm getting what I need and totally open to my excited descriptions of some of the insights I'm gaining here at WP. For him, our marriage is perfect no matter what. He takes the good and the bad totally evenly.



Actually, our communication is constant. It may not always be effective though... shocking right?:wink: And, usually, I am calm to start with. It's the aggravation of slamming up against that AS brick wall I often run into, that tends to contribute to me spiraling out of control. Then I become a person I don't like very much. But, we keep trying and neither of us gives up. We may decide to just take a break and cool off (ok, so I can cool off) and then come back and try again. But more often, I just storm out of the room in open disgust and go sulk on our bed and cry. He lingers at the door not knowing what to do. Not fun. It's like a soap opera or something and I'm really weary to my bones with it all. So, we both realize that something has to change and we're both looking for the needed elements, each in our own way.



Nicely put and I think, if it's ok with you, that I'm just going to print that paragraph off and take it to our next marriage counseling session. You put into words what I have not dared say myself, for fear of appearing to be less than committed to a marriage I actually am completely devoted to. It would be interesting to know if you yourself have AS. I don't want to assume anything and I wouldn't normally inquire, but I don't see whether you are or not mentioned openly anywhere on your post and I'd like to point out to our counselor that this came from an aspie if you indeed are. I think that gives what you said even more validity somehow, because you'd be speaking from the other side of my situation. Very cool.



He does realize that I'm just another fallible human being like him, but knowing it intellectually just so does not translate to acting on it in the material world. He tries to apply his 'knowledge' but without the emotional elements to back it up, often his attempts seem to just fall flat. And all these 'failures' do pile up, consequently making him feel inadequate and stupid most of the time. I feel awful to see him going thru that and so I just try to soldier on being the one who takes up the burden without bothering him for his half of things. He never intentionally assigned this to me. It's just how the dynamic has seemed to evolve on its own.



I'm starting to see, especially after spending time here at WP during this last 24 hours, that his sense of entitlement to not have to change really comes from his upbringing in which his family made no extreme demands on him in an attempt to keep him 'safe'. Thing is, he also has bipolar disorder and that, unfortunately, has meant psychotic breakdowns over the years that his ever-burdened family had to deal with. And France is no place to get mentally ill, I can tell you. The state of their psychiatry is not much better than the US in the 50's! Mental illness and neurological differences are a huge stigma here and you can still lose your job if they find out that you're 'crazy'. In fact, in order to be allowed to go back to work after we got married, he had to go through a process, almost like a trial, in which he had to get his doctors to sign off that he's no longer incompetent!! Talk about archaic! Its downright Medieval here! Anyway, to top off everything, he's only had his AS diagnosis since Dec 2008, so he's still reeling with it all. And I'm not in much better shape myself. I'm a bit disturbed by the whole scenario myself. And his family is just off the deep end, not needing to hear that their poor sweet crazy son has yet ANOTHER 'mental problem'. They can't even bare the thought of reading up on AS. So, we're all in a state of flabbergast. And we're all tired and afraid. And alone with it all for the most part.



Oh, yes, he definitely deserves help, love and support. And, yes, so do I. But we each need different things in order to feel helped, loved and supported. And that's the tricky part, isn't it. Where in the world do you find THAT sort of one-size-fits-all counseling? Damn.



My hubby is a cuddly guy. In fact, sometimes to the extreme. I get a bit claustrophobic at times, especially when he just grabs me while I've got my hands full or I'm in the middle of doing something a bit tricky, like cooking with splattering grease. I find him to be a bit too needy and I can't have him hanging off of me like a toddler all the time. I mean, I know I sound like I'm complaining about him being loving, but seriously, there's a time and place for everything and his AS doesn't let him pick up the cues for that. It's a bummer, because I hate having to tell him to stop being sweet.

I really want to thank you for your helpful insights, CerebralDreamer! I really got a lot out of this post and hope to speak with you again soon!

As an aside: I only hope that everyone who has taken the time and effort to post on this thread has felt heard and cared about by me. Because really, that has been my intention. Even if I haven't been exactly patient about everything that has been said to me, I do care and I'm not here to offend anyone. Thanks all! And peace.

I may be alone here on the thread now, but there are some things that've come to me since starting this thread that I'd like to suggest to the admins here:

Not only do I believe that an NT Spouse specific 'safe zone' subforum might be a good thing to get started, but what about also considering starting an "Ask an NT" forum and its sister subforum, "Ask an Aspie", where aspies and NTs could openly ask each other questions about our differences. I'm sure there are some members who'd be willing to go on those boards and try to help explain the way they see things to those who are curious. Eventually, once I'm a bit further down my own road to understanding, I know I'd be willing to show up at a subforum like that and try to be an 'ambassador' of sorts for 'my kind'.

Another idea that came to me is that it might be helpful, also, to have a subforum where aspies can go and vent about NTs and say whatever they want without having to stifle themselves for the purposes of being PC. I mean, I can see that there may be some bad blood out there, some aspies who are really angry at this NT world and the 'unreasonable' NTs in it. Maybe if there was a place that was an NT-free zone, they could just let it all out and get some helpful reassurance from other aspies who've found some healing around their own hurt and anger.

Just the input of a humble newbie. Hope it helps in some way.

Feyhera

There is the latter...it's called The Haven. Good ideas, though. But I wouldn't bother actually trying to enforce the restrictions on who can and can't post. For one, it is impractical, and two, it's just wrong, I think. The internet is one of the last bastions of pure free speech in the world and any time people try to censor anything on the web it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. As it stands, anything posted on the internet is there forever (for the most part) and is completely open to praise or ridicule by anybody able and willing to do so, and that is how it should stay. And NT section of this site, though, would be interesting.

I've already frequented many websites with "angry ex-wives" or "angry parents", in which basically people with autism are treated as less than human not deserving of the air they breathe. I don't want area's in wrongplanet that cater to such people as wrongplanet is meant to be a supoort site for autists, these people already have their own forums to spread their poison with.

Incredible. Just incredible. There's just so much good stuff here in this post, I can't even begin to thank you. The Marriage Encounters is an awesome idea and I'm going to look into that immediately. My hubby has 3 weeks vacation coming up in August and maybe I can find something in the UK we can attend. Where was your Marriage Encounters held at? If it's in the UK, we could totally do it!

I'm going to go visit all the blogs and posts you mentioned, but I'm a bit shy to contact your wife. I'm actually not very good at asking for help (believe it or not) and I just need extra reassurance that I wouldn't be bothering her with my 'silly' issues. But I'm very curious to hear her story. I'm sure she's a lovely person if she's anything like her husband!:wink:

All your insights into how my hubby can approach change and growth just hit me like a ton of bricks... in a super good way! This...



... just told me so much about where I've been missing the boat in my thinking. It's going to be hard -- I'm very scared of the thought that people will judge him -- but when I really think about it, his 'mistakes' are pretty frivolous in the whole scheme of life. I mean, so what if he bothers people's sense of 'normal' conversation? They just have to either deal with their feelings or just not talk to him, I guess. And he and I just have to learn to accept that not everyone will be able to 'stomach' who he is. But when you really think about it, NONE of us is ever completely accepted by EVERYONE, right? Right. Whew. That's a relief. And I feel pretty unreasonable for not having figured it out for myself by now!

On the emotional seeing eye dog issues: Yes, I definitely try not to preemptively correct his behavior because everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt that they will 'get it right' each time around. And this is a man who instantly forgives -- a state of being that I earnestly want to emulate more often -- so, if anyone deserves a fresh chance every time, it's my hubby. But, it is an unwelcome strain to feel like I'm back taking care of a toddler again. It wouldn't be so bad if he really was a dependent child who had his whole life ahead of him to learn and become. But, doing this with a middle-aged man is disheartening. And yes, it does feel like a disrespectful arrangement and I can see now that it is disrespectful to both of us, not just me. Thanks for that insight, too. I'll be sure to bring it up at our next marriage counseling session.

I'm so pleased to have found so many good starting points. It's a lot, but hey, dealing with AS and not having clear guideposts is way harder! I promise, I will make everyone's efforts here worthwhile by following up on all possible leads to the best of my ability.

I am so very grateful...

Thanks for supporting my ideas, drowbot! I know I don't know my way around here yet, so it's good to hear that The Haven already exists.

Be well,
Feyhera

That sounds like it felt awful. But I think it's possible for people to be upset without being cruel. I hope I've been successful so far in doing that here on this thread. And I think that there is another solution to just blocking people from having access to areas where they can vent openly (without being cruel, of course). One I've employed myself in the past: If I really don't like something that's being said on a forum thread, or feel really offended by it, I just click off and go somewhere where I feel welcome. It would be unreasonable of me to think that I 'belong' at every thread at any given website, precisely because what's being discussed might be offensive to some people. An example would be that I don't think I could tolerate hanging out on a thread with people who like Rush Limbaugh. I personally can't stand the guy and so I know I'd be pretty offended to hear his fans lauding his accomplishments. It's pretty obvious if a thread is entitled, "Rush Limbaugh is the coolest guy ever" that I would just need to stay away from it. The same can be said of a thread entitled, "Angry NT wife seeking support" if I was an aspie who didn't like to hear how AS can negatively effect NTs. So, if I saw a thread here that said, "Angry aspie husband just venting" I'd probably skip over it and move on to something more in step with what I can hear/read/handle. Doing that just feels responsible and protects everyone.



I'm new here, so maybe I'm wrong, but, somewhere earlier in this thread, a WP moderator came on and wrote:



Since I'm the original poster of this thread, I assume he/she was referring to me. From that, I understand that WP is intended for all of us who have experiences and are effected by autism, not just autists. And really, you sound like you've been effected by discrimination yourself in your time -- can you understand how discriminating your desire to exclude NTs feels to someone like me?



Now, you know, I bet you didn't mean to offend or sound cruel when you wrote this last part, but, honestly, I could take it personally. You are commenting on a suggestion of mine, I am an NT, I'm here venting, and I am pretty upset with life with an AS husband. All of these descriptors qualify me as one of "these people". But, I'm going to let it go and assume you weren't trying to hurt or offend me.

Be well,
Feyhera

That's the basic idea I was trying to get across before. Sorry I'm not to good at it.



I've seen what he is referring to, and I don't think you came close to falling into that category. There was another post on here somewhere about there being a lot of that on a separate support site for mothers.

Feyhera, my concern was with the aggressive tone that other members were taking and with the subject being lost as a result... and WP is intended as a support site; while the focus is on those on the spectrum, constructive involvement from those who are often a confused party in the affected person's life is also welcome. The key word is constructive; there have been in the past posts which were inflammatory and denigrated those on the spectrum unabashedly. The Haven is a safe place for all members to vent and find solace... While I do not believe there is a likelihood for an Ask-an-NT/Ask-an-Aspie -forum-, there would be a place for a thread or two on the subject. You're welcome to explore the various subforums from the site index, and see which you think would be best suited if you want to try and start the Ask-An-NT thread. A caution that there is a lot of hurt and frustration shared by many here; as you've learned with your husband, there are times when one must remind themselves not to take things personally. Also, if you get a chance, I dropped a note in your inbox (link in the upper right hand corner of the webpage). Look forward to hearing more.


M.

I really want to find closure on this subject of good manners, drowbot. Not just for your need to feel heard or my need to feel heard, but because it's such a sticking point for my husband as well. In fact, in so many ways, but with a bit more intensity, your words are similar to his. So, this is good, if not extremely exhausting, and I am getting something out of the exchange. I hope you are too. Please, just try to keep in mind that I'm neither your enemy nor your punching bag, ok?

"You"? Meaning me, Feyhera, or us, NTs? If you mean me, sorry, I'm not the Complaint Department for the NT World. Nope. I'm just as stuck with the rules as you are. If you mean "us", the NTs, as a general population, we aren't what's causing the problem either. Really, it's true. The problem doesn't even exist if you decide to let it go and just try to make the best of things in this NT world. If you want things to change, go for it and fight for change where fighting for it will make a difference. At the dinner table is not that place. I once had a very wise man tell me, "In a single lifetime, a man can only hope to take on the whole world and win once, maybe twice, if he is lucky. Therefore, it makes sense that he should choose his battles carefully." Fighting for the 'right' to dispense with good manners because they're outdated and make you feel uncomfortable (forget that it makes most of the rest of us uncomfortable when you do), just doesn't seem like a good battle to take on.

"Justly"? There's an element here, like manners need to be "fair" or make sense in a logical way. And there's something in your assertions that suggests that "someone" needs to do something about changing these stupid, illogical rules of etiquette we're all subjected to. Or maybe you just need to hear someone agree with you that some of them are silly and outdated. Ok. I agree. Some manners are silly and outdated. Now what? Nothing changes. The "rules" are still in place and nothing you and I can say or do here will change them. It's still socially unacceptable to chew with your mouth open.



(said with sincere empathy) But, drowbot, as an aspie, I'd guess you find much of the expectations made on you by the NT world as shocking. But it doesn't necessarily mean you're being abused when you don't understand why things are the way they are. And it doesn't follow that the rest of the world should be shocked as well. We're not. Just so you know, I took the time to poll some of my NT friends about what good manners mean to them, without prompting or anything from me, and they all confirmed that manners signal that a person is acting within social norms which follows to mean they are decent folks as well. My one friend went on to say that when she goes into a diner or something where people are acting like slobs, letting their kids run around, talking too loud and all those other "impolite" things people can do, she instantly feels unsafe and leaves. I'm not making it up, ok? Good manners communicate decency in this NT world. Period.



Are you suggesting that NTs go out of their way to notice bad manners? Um, no. In fact, it's part of good manners to ignore bad manners whenever possible. So, no, we are not looking down your gullet. We can't help but see the mashed up bits of scrambled eggs and ketchup swirling around in your mouth and it's like looking into a washing machine filled with compost... so we just want to hurl!! !



It was a turn of phrase to strongly illustrate a point. But, you're right, I should've remembered that aspies tend to take things literally. Thing is, my caveman instincts do tell me that there's something in man's history that made this literally true at some point. Thank God we don't tend to act that way anymore.



Do you make all these "horrible leaps" of assumption when you talk to other people you've barely met? Does it matter to you that this sort of personal attack really hurts? Can my feelings count too when we discuss things? Please?



Manners came into being way before war, religion and power struggles. We're talking neolithic here. Cavemen had manners. And our modern manners had their start all the way back when there was a mile thick glacier sitting where I'm sitting right now.



Saying you disagree over and over without any explanation or back up of any kind doesn't make you right. It makes you convinced, and they are not the same thing.



Law does not ONLY secure our freedoms. It also creates obligations and duties for us as well. I just keep hearing that you want to just be able to do whatever you want and you're willing to toss out whatever bothers you without a second look or a pause for thought. If it's uncomfortable, it's bad. Nope. Doing the 'right thing' to create a mutually beneficially world for everyone involves sacrifice and some hardship. If I have to eat with my mouth closed as part of making the world not so chaotic, so be it. Even if it's uncomfortable. But that's just my stupid NT take on it, so whatever.



It's only required if you want to work there. We all have choices. I wouldn't have to clean the trash out of my yard if I lived in a neighborhood full of people who don't clean the trash out of their yards. But then, I'd live in a neighborhood where people don't clean the trash out of their yards. No thanks. I'm free to eat with my mouth open. But then, I'd bother people and lose their respect or end up either eating alone or with the type of people who eat with their mouths open. I, like most other people in the world, don't want to eat with people who eat with their mouths open, so I don't eat with my mouth open. Simple as that.



I have basic instincts and I'm proud of it. If that makes me an animal, cool. I'm good with that, because all humans ARE animals. And yes, we still have the history of our species coursing through our veins. I don't know if this is an NT thing or just me, but I remember even as a child having an understanding that the social network of the humans around me were my safety net. I knew that I had to fit in and belong, or chance isolation and death. My parents were the center of my world and my family was my focus until I started meeting boys. Anything I did -- schoolwork, sports, girl scouts, choir -- was all to show that I was a participating member of the tribe. I understand that aspies usually don't have these feelings and motivations. But that doesn't mean that having had those instincts and feelings was weird or scary or wrong or stupid or illogical or a waste of time. And you really need to see that you're saying that to me and it's very belittling if I let it in too deeply.



You're only 3 years older than my daughter! Listen, no 28 year old gets to tell me what the Hippie Movement was about. Sorry, you're looking at it from a historical point of view. I was alive at the time.





This stereotyping and open discrimination against NTs is what's appalling! Do you justify saying any ol' thing you want just because I'm an NT and I don't deserve to be treated carefully, as you demand to be treated?! Now I'm mad. That's just NOT cool. And you deserve people telling you that they're mad and it is definitely worth my time to say so. You can't just go around spouting this mean stuff and expect to be tolerated because you are an angry "outspoken" "just being honest" aspie who's been hurt! It's cruel and it's not good for anyone, including you!



Yeah, you keep saying. And I don't know what your issue with love is, but whatever it is, I'm sorry you feel that way. This too was really hurtful. You need to not say it to me anymore. It crosses a boundary with me, ok?



This is like the nicest thing you've ever said to me in all these hours and hours of posting. I wish you had just said this and left it at that without all the anger you've tried to heap on me. You would do well to use THIS voice more often. This voice sounds like a good guy, a hurt good guy, but a good guy. I bet you really are a good guy under all this rage and spite and vengefulness.



Assuming I really did see it as a disease to be cured, maybe so. What gave you the idea I see AS that way? If you've read some of my posts, you'd see that I use "neurologically different" to clearly differentiate between his AS and his "mental illness" bipolar disorder. I think you're tagging me with things that you've decided ALL NT's are up to. It's easier to just stereotype than it is to get to know individuals for who they really are.



Look who's talking! You gotta be kidding me, man!



I'm sorry that my example effected you so deeply. Let me make it really clear: NT's don't go around consciously thinking, "Bad manners equals axe murderer". No. We think, "Bad manners equals doesn't care about social norms". Ok? Ok.



Yeah, I did catch some cool cross references, like the WrongPlanet/alien connection and the whole drawing conclusions just based on what you can see instead of delving into the real needs of a being and how that relates to how both aspies and NTs feel about each other. There were a few more that came to me but I can't remember them right now.



I LOVE STAR TREK! I don't know the episodes by name but I'm sure I've seen it. If not, I can look it up and find it somewhere on the internet to watch it. Thanks for the suggestion!



Did you want me to reject you? Would that have made you feel justified for being nasty to me? Well, I'm still here and you posted a bit ago, so, I guess we'd better find some ways of being nice to one another or something 'cause you being jerky to me and then me being defensive and jerky to you is just no fun. Whaddya' say?



And your posts are judgmental. And who decided that logic was superior to emotion? Humans need both if they're to survive and live full lives. And join the exhaustion club... I'm almost 50 and you're a strong young man... who do you guess is more exhausted?



I never called you cold. And being cold is nothing to be proud of. I think you're angry. I think you use "cold" as a way to not face your anger and hurt. I do feel sad for you for that. Not pity. Sad.

Be well,
Feyhera

That's awesome... use my words against me! Well, that's just way too cool!



Thanks for this: "I don't think you came close to falling into that category". I know it's emotional and all (tee hee) but that really made me feel understood. I needed that.

P.S. If you haven't already seen it, I sent you an PM just a few moments ago.

Last edited by Feyhera on 17 Jul 2009, 4:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

I am a diagnosed Aspie, and you're more than welcome to print off my post. I was actually diagnosed in the early 1990s, back when it was first becoming known here in the States. It was by chance my mother's shrink knew about Asperger's Syndrome, and I was referred to a specialist back when most psychologists thought autism meant flapping hands in a special education room.

A lot of doctors don't realize that for a great number of people, autism isn't about decreased mental function, or intellectual deficits. It's simply a communications gap which, with the right know-how, can be bridged.

As for the subject of independent living, people don't seem to get that. If a typical individual had anxiety attacks anytime they went out in public, crippling depression, a complete lack of social support, they would find independent living challenging as well, if they didn't kill themselves outright. Why should it be any different for an Aspie?

I was going off a bit there, but I do have a few bones to pick with the diagnosis.

If you don't like what other members write, then you don't have to read it, Michjo. WrongPlanet.net is a support site for Autistics, but WP is not prejudiced against NTs , angry or not. Just because some Autistics are angry and bash NTs does not mean that is WP's policy to do so, and just because some NTs are angry does not mean it is WP's policy to condone that either.

If something offends you and is not agains the rules, then move on to other posts, Michjo. If it is against the rules then PM a moderator and let them take care of it. You don't set the standard for WP.

Merle
Moderator

Cool! Thanks.



Wow, you were luckier than most, even these days. I'm just appalled at how prevalent the lack of knowledge about AS is within the health care professions. Especially Adult AS. It freaks me out that I have to 'inform and educate' my husband's doctors and counselors based on my layman's research and experiences with just one adult aspie! But I have hope that in the years to come, there will be advancements in getting the word out so that future adult aspies get the understanding and assistance they need and deserve for living in this NT world. We all just have to be patient and courageous and work hard toward positive change. I plan to do my part by signing up for a Masters program and using a study of Adult AS for my thesis. Then after I'm certified to practice, I'm going to open a counseling center here in Paris for adult aspies and their families. I don't see being married to my aspie husband as a disaster. I deeply sense that I'm being called to be a part of this burgeoning movement to help bridge the gap between your world and ours, because both worlds are legitimate and real and deserve respect and fair treatment. I just hope I have enough strength and life force left to accomplish something good in this field before I get too old.



Hear, hear! Nicely said!



Yeah, my husband had periods in his life where suicide seemed like the only way to deal with the agony he was experiencing. If you could meet him now, you'd be so surprised he ever felt that way though. He's found some peace with it all, even if he still doesn't quite get what the heck the NT world expects from him. I think he and I have found some answers together too, even if we are all over the place right now. I think love is a big part of how aspies and NTs can find some common ground. My husband has always felt loved, even when he was stark raving mad with his bipolar psychotic episodes. And that unconditional love coupled with the trust he had for his NT helpers, was a form of communication between him and the NT world, and he credits it with saving his life. Literally. We (he and I) truly believe that aspies need to feel loved and accepted in order to escape the spiral into isolation and fear. Sure, his favorite thing is alone time, except when he's with people who make room for his differences and treat his needs with respect. That's so key for him. But heck, it's true for every human being. It's just sad that aspies don't always receive their fair share of tolerance and love. And that sucks.



No doubt! I try to imagine what it must be like for aspies like you and my hubby getting the diagnosis and then not really having the support system out there to help bridge the gap. It's like, "Ok, you're an aspie. We don't know what that really means yet. But you're smart, so now just go away and figure out the rest of your life". *sigh*

Be well and hope to talk again soon!
Feyhera

This has only a flimsical relevence to my post.


I never said wrongplanet should be prejudiced against NT's or angry NT's. I merely believe a part of the forms where only NT's could enter would be a bad move, i also believe an aspie only section of the website would be just as bad. There are many people with very strange attitudes and beliefs towards the other side, that are mainly based on stereotypes. We should have the oppurtunity to share ideas with said people to educate them as to what it is really like to be autistic or what it is really like to be an NT.


Again, relevence? I'm struggling to understand where your post came from, because it doesn't really have any bearing on my first post. I perfectly understand that if someone breaks a rule and i do not like it, that i am to tell a moderator. It is then the moderators job to decide wether or not it breaks site rules. If it does not, then it would be best for me to ignore it.

Someone shared an opinion about extra forum sections, and i replied with the opinion that the idea was bad and i stated my reasons for doing so. If the wrongplanet team decide to implement said forum area's then that still has no bearing on my opinion, because it is just that... an opinion.