Would like to hear from Asperger adults 40+ Special Insights

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I technically don't qualify for this thread quite yet, I'm only 37, and self-diagnosed about 4 years ago. My experiences in general match almost exactly with you all. I can "blend in" with NT groups somewhat fine, but now that I know more about ASD it's rather obvious I've always had it. Social things tend to wear me out if I'm directly involved, I usually prefer to be a wallflower and observe NT's in their native habitats, if I go out at all.

I can't stand the sound of teeth being brushed, it is worse than what I assume nails on a chalkboard is like (to use a common NT aversion) even though that doesn't bother me at all, and neither does squeaky styrofoam or all the other common "nearly intolerable" sounds (chewing ice, slurping soups, etc). I actually get phantom/sympathetic tooth pain simply by hearing it, which is not association based as I do not recall ever having actual real pain while brushing, but the fake pain is enough that I rarely if ever brush - electric vibratory brushes do well to eliminate most of the actual brushing sound but it is still so difficult as to stop me from doing it, regardless of consequences (I've got a war zone in there). Those commercials with the music made from brushing sounds almost led me to smash my TV a couple times, but usually clamping my hands over my ears or getting away from it immediately are the only options, I've tried immersive therapy on myself to see if it would lessen the aversion to it, but so far not really - I just got better at enduring it but it still has the same effects internally - even just thinking about the sound right now gets my flight response pumping a little. Past roommates and such could never understand why it was a big deal if they didn't close the bathroom door while brushing. I think of any trigger that is the closest to causing a meltdown at any time.

I've learned to contain myself, I tend to be quiet and if I have a meltdown, I choke it down like stifling a sneeze so as to not seem even more strange than I am already perceived. When I was young all signs pointed to hyperactivity and giftedness, but I think the important thing they missed was that I was highly gifted at things I affixed on, if I was disinterested then I would test as learning disabled (grades in school were either A or F, if it was between the two then it was an upgraded grade I earned by making special deals with the instructor to avoid a full fail). I was even pulled from 1st grade and homeschooled until around 6th when I was tossed back in. Back then nobody knew about this spectrum and that it could have something to do with me, so I was never diagnosed. I would commonly breach NT boundaries and not fully understand the outrage, I never seem to have quite the same emotions as 'everyone else', and suck at body language. I've basically learned how to emulate a NT person however it is all at great effort and none of it comes naturally, even if it has become a bit like riding a bike (reflexes trigger against my eccentricities and keep them muted as much as possible). If I find someone attractive I end up affixing and staring as if I want to store them in my crawlspace and I really hate being perceived as creepy (and I don't even HAVE a crawlspace, anyway!) - I generally am pursued, if at all, by those I am completely not interested in which just adds to my self-annoyance (I act more acceptably and much less creepily if I don't like you at all). I was even married for a year and a half, and in the pursuit of saving that situation I learned I probably have ASD.

Spudz76 - 40 was an arbitrary cut off, so welcome. Hope you find some comfort and info here!

Hi there, I was diagnosed with HFA last month. I am 41.
The diagnosis has been of great value for me, I now have a more accurate filter of understanding from which to view my past, with more sympathy, acceptance and understanding. I can now manage my day to day affairs in a manner that takes into account my strengths and sensitivities. And I am meeting so many people in a similar situation to me via online forums such as this one. I am looking forward to a future with a better self-awareness than ever before. I don't think my diagnosis came too late, although I wish I'd known ten years ago. Glad they missed me through my school years though.
Welcome to wrong planet

Last edited by JakeDay on 21 Nov 2013, 9:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Over 40, female, not officially diagnosed yet but mostly fairly confident I'm aspie. I do occasionally get caught in a loop in my head though where I know I'm a chameleon and take on traits to fit in, so am wondering if I'm now taking on aspie traits so I can fit into a new community, but then I know that that very fact would still make me aspie

I've introduced myself in the newbie bit so won't go over it all here but I would say having the awareness of my aspie traits (and I'm discovering more all the time) is really helping me. It's also making a huge difference to my relationship with my partner, as she's reading Rudy Simone's stuff and gaining a new awareness of why I sometimes react weirdly to things, why she needs to be careful how she says things to me sometimes, and perhaps most importantly why my facial expressions and tone of voice often don't match what I'm saying - and that there is NO SUBTEXT to what I say. I don't play mindgames. I don't mean to offend. I just state the facts as I see them, sometimes inappropriately.

I've just started a new job, and learned about the aspie thing about 2 days in, so I told my boss. He's been very understanding, as has the lad that works for me, and it's made such a difference. Knowing about it means I'm not letting it hold me back.

Blizzard this morning! High winds. I hate being stuck indoors. I'm not too outdoorsy at this age (hiking, camping, sports) but I must get out to the countryside for a walk as many days as I can. I need a lot of sun too. Always been like this! Walked everywhere as a kid, often just for fun. I was very uncomfortable in unfamiliar buildings and houses, sometimes my own. I just wanted to escape! A very unsocial trait that got bad reviews from family and NT friends. An overwhelming urge to wander...

I stick close to home now (age, no money) but I used to travel sporadically. I love the desert landscape where I live, so I'm happy. The landscape is so important to me. I could never tolerate an urban environment again. Small town, few jobs; it's a trade off, but people here are totally respectful of privacy. The western code: "Show up, don't cause trouble, and no one will ask where you came from or what you did." Kind of Aspie. yes?

Hi, I'm over 40, F, and was dx'd Asperger's yesterday. I was anticipating some form of shock one way or the other depending on what I was told. I was expecting...something. Maybe it hasn't hit yet. Or maybe it's just kind of a relief because it explains things that needed explaining-going back to childhood.

I was going to post an intro to me thread, but I saw this one and thought it would be a better place to start. Thank goodness you guys are here!

Welcome A_number: A newly-minted Aspie! It's a lot to comprehend, but I think the common reaction is that it does explain childhood mysteries, or at least puts them in a real context.

Hello

My therapist (who has several Aspie clients) says most go through all the various stages of grief after diagnosis, whether it's self-diagnosis, offficial dx, informal dx from a non-expert psych professional. I started out relieved, and have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since - about 2 months so far. Luckily I don't have a wide emotional spectrum, being an aspie Actually that just means I've swung from one to another rather than doing the NT thing of experiencing more than one at the same time....

I'd like to inject some personal observations about emotion in general and how emotions are viewed by NTs compared to Aspies.

First, what are emotions? Emotions are reactions to the environment; electro-chemical signals that alert an organism (other animals included) to what is going on around it. That's all! These reactions are not cast in concrete -there is no set of emotions that everyone must experience. It is obvious that some people react to danger with excitement - an adrenalin rush that they pursue by creating danger through extreme sports, etc. Others flee at the first sign of danger, whether it is natural or social. There is no right or wrong about this, but NTs react very badly to what they consider nonconformity: if an individual (or entire culture) does not display the "proper" emotional reactions they are judged to be abnormal, even less than human; society views superficially "unemotional" people as weird or even dangerous. the "correct" emotional reactions are tested for and cultivated in children as a means of knowing what is going on inside the child's mind - control is the goal. NTs easily believe lies because they truly believe that anyone who displays the "correct" responses is "telling the truth." Politicians effectively exploit this substitution of belief in emotional signals for rational observation among voters.

I was frequently told as a child that I felt no emotion simply because I resisted emotional manipulation. This was interpreted as being selfish, uncaring, and "cold" by people who were very dishonest about their own emotions, intentions and behavior. The assertion that a child or anyone else does not suffer pain, fear or anxiety is nonsense to begin with, but becomes a perfect excuse for abusing individuals, animals, entire minorities or cultures. It's the ultimate dehumanization. What I discovered is that my emotions are simply different: I react in my own way, and manifest emotion in my own way - reactions come and go - that is the function of emotions. I examine my reaction using my intellect - observing the context, the depth of experience, the results. I'm just not going to get all worked up over social trivia!

Thanks you guys. I think, schnozzles, that that is one of the big red herrings that I had in even considering myself to be Aspie. When my daughter was diagnosed with autism 4 years ago, I was told and had read that one of the qualities required for ASD was apathy or, more appropriately, "non-empathy." I also do not have a wide emotional spectrum, but I do have emotions-though I swing from one to another (Well said! Brilliant!) and I certainly have empathy. So, it never crossed my mind that I would fall anywhere on the spectrum because I experience empathy. Though, my non-verbal daughter exhibits empathy, too-in her own way. The more I read and hear from others, that non-empathetic description is just plain inaccurate. Expression of empathy (for me anyway) may not fit the bill of what others would like me to express when I feel it, but I can certainly attest that I do have it. A lot. Same with the emotions! One at a time. (Sorry, that really blew my mind when you said that.)

gonewild, exactly. I wholeheartedly adhere to your entire post.

Yeah I certainly agree with you about empathy, although maybe some of us feel it differently to others. For me the thing with other people's emotions is more that what they say they're feeling doesn't marry up with the vibe I'm picking up, so I often distrust people and only empathise if they're genuinely in distress...

I would say that contrary to Aspies not being able to "read" others, we have a darn good "BS detector." Intuition, instinct.

Yes! Exactly.

Yes! Exactly.

I have a hard time figuring out what is actually genuine, though schnozzles. It kind of has to be screaming in my face to catch my radar when it comes to other people's emotions. So, sadly, I have to rely on words and truthfulness in people's statements which I have not found to be particularly genuine in my experience.

Though gonewild, the BS detector in some ways (for me) IS darn good, too, which is why I unintentionally come across as an interrogator in what most people would consider everyday conversation. (I do not have a lot of friends.) On the flip side though, when people maliciously lie deliberately to my face (on a grand scale), I do not see it. At all. Not even a hint (apparently most people have some kind of an idea when this happens). Which is one of the top 5 reasons I needed to get the testing done to see if there was any way to conquer that 'issue' when there seems to be oh-so-many of these malicious liars out there these days.