The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I've been thinking about this cure thing a lot more then normal lately. (It started a bit ago with a post about vaccines.) Forecasted outcomes, consequences, ramifications of a cure and so on. Not so much what might be the root causes of the spectrum, but a million variations of "what ifs".

What kind of kicks me in the butt and this is in no small part due to having worked in geriatrics for a while and other institutional settings, is the above quote from the Autism Facts and Statistics. 90 billion isn't near enough today and they're trying to stagger me with that figure? Bull s**t.

And there is that word "intervention", which very nicely fits into and goes along with that "cure" word. I do know you have lost all hope of argument and rational debate as soon as you pull out the Nazi word. I did it anyway. Master race and the pure race thing has been tried more then once and I don't have any reason to think that it won't be tried again and isn't being used in one form or another, right now. I'm not so sure as it would come down as some kind of formal plan as much as it would come in the form of a general social trend. Maybe that's the more dangerous as it would be below the radar to most.

Well, I was an Aspie single parent, raising an aspie child, with no help, clueless that I had it, as well as the fact that my daughter had it. And we survived, and it didn't cost billions of dollars. So there, EXPERTS OUT THERE!

hi everyone !
*waving*

an exam on saturday and a funeral tomorrow

This is just a small taste of why 90 billion isn't enough. I don't believe in throwing money at a problem but in this case it would be a start to get a grip on just one woman's insights. I didn't get permission to put part of what she wrote about it. I haven't even thanked her for giving me a hint about myself yet. I'm not sure how one thanks someone for being them self. Amanda speaks with the help of a voice device on her computer. Her writing skills and thoughts intimidate the hell out of me, but yet if someone that didn't have a clue might observe her...well she doesn't fit into the master race plan. I winced badly every time I saw such things as the below and yet the brief contact I had in one of the better settings contained some of what she speaks of. I saw this a lot in geriatrics, to much and let me remind you all, we're not getting younger and we are on the spectrum, as is Amanda.

"Control.

Infantilization.

Constant monitoring.

Fear of staff because of what they could do, and inmates because of the staff.

Smells.

Screams.

Begging for basic items, and for “privileges” that those outside see as rights.

Looking forward to tiny things to relieve monotony that’s impossible to relieve.

Everything you do, say, and think being put in psychiatric terms (”No, no, no, I’m not anxious for my meds, I just know that being late on that one gives me migraines, and I don’t know anyone in the world who likes migraines.”)

Separation from everything and everyone familiar.

Not being allowed my own staff, advocate and cognitive interpreter (whom I have a right to under the Americans with Disabilities Act as surely as a sign language interpreter), watching her have to fight to get in outside of visiting hours.

Having people control when, where, whether, and how I can speak to familiar people and advocates.

Discouragement of bonding among inmates or between inmates and staff. {this is postie and yeah that is part of the training, which I also ignored}

Catch-22 on displays of emotion — every emotional display has a corresponding psychiatric label, but a lack of emotional display is considered a sign of depression.

Being told what you’re “really” thinking and feeling, as opposed to what you are thinking and feeling.

Having your motivations constantly questioned and scrutinized.

Backwards language: ‘Getting with the program’ is a ‘good step toward independence’, but making your own decisions is ‘non-compliant’, ‘manipulative’, or ‘attention-seeking’.

In this case, some of staff’s inability to grasp that I was genuinely abused in previous settings and I didn’t just think I was (I told the near-death horror stories when asked; I knew they wouldn’t understand the subtleties), and that it was mainly staff, not inmates, who perpetrated it.

Assumptions on the part of staff that if abuse was perpetuated against me in the psych system, then it was my fault, and asking questions about what I had done to cause it.

Condescending chatter from staff who think they’re being nice but who’ll become suddenly grouchy if you show any sign of not liking it.

Trying hard never to be noticed, ever.

Knowledge that whether I stay or go free is contingent upon other people’s desires and other arbitrary factors, and that false reports can easily be written and justified.

Knowledge that my housekeys and wallet are in a locker in the nurse’s station.

Fear of thinking one’s own thoughts or feeling one’s own feelings, and constant questioning of whether they’re real or delusional.

Fear of speaking out, feeling — and sometimes being scolded — like an ungrateful child if you do.

Being patronizingly told of the seriousness of your actions or thoughts, as if you’re unaware of this fact.

Knowledge — from previous experience — that if I stay too long, I will have to either kill all desire for freedom; or go berserk, violent, and self-destructive and risk dying or being kept even longer.

Knowledge that most of the world still condones this, either overtly by calling it ‘treatment’ and ‘necessary’, or by never having to think about it.

Control.

Control.

Control."

Now, having put this here, it should be obvious that money isn't going to solve it, but...training and attitude change and better facilities would be a start. 90 billion my f*****g ass!! You just don't know it all and I don't pretend to, but I have seen enough and heard enough to know we as a society are seriously sucking at this situation. I bet more then one of us are going to relate to some of this list and some of us could add things to this list with no trouble and we're on the "outside" or are we?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-c94VVU7zc&NR=1[/youtube]

This is what I intend to do.


This ship is taking me far away
to the place where people cared if I lived or died.

I got so upset and shaking last night writing and thinking about all that stuff again, I broke a mortar and pestle. Not a rage thing, I didn't throw it, just being a klutz with shaky hands. So I took a little yellow pill, a "Mothers Little Helper". I like em, takes the edge off when I need to. (Yeah ok so maybe I get a little zoned once in a while, it's just a little side effect and you just have to put up with some of them. ) The doc about had a s**t fit when I was tired of all these current concoctions and all the side effects and don't work "now" and don't last long enough and don't... you get the picture. Finally I said, hey what ever happened to those "little yellow pills"? Do they still make them? And like I said he about had a s**t fit I would even suggest such a thing and especially since I've got a past full of self medicating. See their take on it, once an addict and I don't care what it was you did, always an addict. Bull s**t, I know why I did it now and just the knowledge alone is worth it's weight in gold. Couple it with knowing my general tendency, like the word moderation isn't in my vocabulary and that stuff he's (they think, almost all of them are guilty of this) thinking is bull s**t. Christ you have to practically force feed me to take an aspirin anymore. I won the arguement, I have them now on an as needed basis. I think the label says for "break out anxiety", yeah ok word it anyway you want. Ok...I can see where this is going to lead me, again... *sigh*.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=j3Hf_OclE8U[/youtube]


Hey Zanne I hear some of those tramp steamers are the way to go, if you like the sea thing. Really really nice and they only take a few people, have good food, nice rooms, some even have swimming pools and no crowds, oh I said that already.

Hello Lemon!

Good luck with your test. You are talented, whether it shows in your scores or not. I won't say anything funny so you won't laugh at the funeral, and offer my condolences.

I won't even mention that your mental image of dying cats now makes you smile. Good luck with your test.

Things doctors have given me to "help" me:


Quaaludes (3 x a day for 5 years)
Darvon (3x a day for 5 years)

At the end I still had migraines, my skin was yellow and I hallucinated. I could get drunk quickly though. When I stopped them (after a nice Pharmacist explained what they were), I couldn't sleep for six months. The doctor "helped" me alright.


Stadol (every 2 hours as needed)

2 mg of Stadol is equivalent to 10 mg of Morphine according to the FDA. Nice. No one even warned me not to drive when I used it. The first dose caused me to have hallucinations. It lasted 15 min. The next dose lasted only five. Five years later they made it a controlled substance at the behest of the drug company itself because of deaths and addictions (side effect is that it makes you stop breathing). Nice. It did absolutely nothing for my headaches, but it did remind me of the 60's and I had the best sex ever all by myself. So there you go. Doctors "helping" me out. They are so helpful. I think I'll go see about ten more of them. <rolls eyes>