The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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nannarob, I don't ever swear, but blessedmom made me. Really! I swear! (duncan sticks out tongue at blessedmom)

Hate to break up the party atmosphere,just checking in to let all know I havent deserted "the planet".The past month has been an over loading one...first the insane holidays(christmas,new years, Martin Luther King Holiday)all excuses to abandon pets to the vile clutchs of petsmart.....I love everything about the dogs except the barking which is having an "accumulitve effect" of driving me slowly insane..."drip,drip,drip"slowly losing my mind.So I know I can not survive another holliday here...must get out before spring break begins,but to do what?I still dont know what I want to be if I grow up.

My past jobs(working with ADD/CD teens,working with DD clients with anger issues)have left me with PTSD...and I am not joking...just thinking of returning to these hostile,chaotic environments triggers....shaling hands,flushed face,racing heart and inability to form coherent thoughts(mental blockage)....Do you ever feel this Postie?Yet my only job experience iand college degree are in social services.I thought the "dogs" were the answer to my problem but hadn't counted on the problem with the barking(ooops).So it's back to checking the "work adds" and trying to avoid social contact,verbal or physical threats of violence,loud noises,executive dysfunction,office politics,hot weather exposure,toxic chemical allergies,increased problems with carpel utnnel and arthrites in my hands and knees.

Anyone have any suggestions?

While recovering from the Holliday trauma....my cat died.He had a heart murmmer and we believe it was a heart attack(only 6 years old)He died in a matter of minutes but it was horrid to watch him struggle for breath and be able to do nothing.On the up-side,it was quick and he didnt have a long drawn out illness but for the same reason it took us by suprise and my BF and I were not functioning well for most of the week.(My way of coping was to spend to much money the next day,shopping panasia?)We also dont know what to do with his body.MN is a freezer right now and he is "stored" in our garage.(I tried digging a grave by our back patio to keep him close but the ground is frozen.Burial is to expenssive,even cremation is $300.So so I get him creamated or fix the tooth that is abcessing in my mouth?Decission,decissions.Being the heartless aspies that we are...we went to Human society a week after our cat died and got his "dopilganger" so we wouldnt keep seeing our cats absence every where we looked.The new cat is a biter and harassing the hell out of our other cat but he sure looks cute.He was very mellow and very sick when we got him but now he is healthy and a holy terror.In case you can't tell,I love him but he is a very naughty boy and only a year old,full of kitten juice and needle sharp teeth.


Mean while.....my BF turned the heat down to 65 and our pipes froze.The landlord was not to happy t spend the day with heat guns trying to thaw them.Part of the problem was.....well,did anyone ever take the "christmas tour" of our apt?(I'll have to find the link).We are both "collectors" and have a houses worth of furntiture and stuff covering it in a small apartment.We had to move all the furniture(big old heavy antique side boards and dressers away from the walls so they could get to the heat pipes to defreeze them.All pieces of furniture had at least 50 rocks,nic-nacks,etc covering them...it was a bit messy.So after they got the pipes unfrozen they "claimed" the problem was caused by having all these "stuff"(totally illogical...that might have had the heat working more because the free flow of the warm air was not circulating but it was already to hot in here and that is why we had turned the heat down)but regaurdless...they said we would have to move all the furniture away from the walls and get rid of the "clutter"....so last week I decided to open a new "declutter store" on Esty and try and sell my antiques.I have no idea of what,if anything the stuff is worth(I just buy stuff cause it's "pretty"),so if there are any "experts"...feel free to visit the store and let me know if I am over or under pricing things.I hope to get the "store" open this week and will be back to provide a link.

Love you guys.....

You can now return to your animal house shananagans.....

I don't think I could send 'em your way if I wanted. First, the wind turbines have to be frozen, everything else is. Second, I don't intend to step foot out of my house until maybe tomorrow afternoon. That's a BIG maybe.

This coming from a dude who wants to know about lipstick colors. YEESH!!

Desperate times call for desperate measures

This is just a personal opinion Krex, but yeah, I get some of those reactions when I have a trigger set off with the PTSD. I have some you don't mention and some you may have I don't. But, I have an over all, all the time thing happening, for the most part and these are just general characteristics that are signs you might have PTSD. A couple would be, can't keep a job long, sleep is hard and on constant vigilance, tendency to abuse drugs and booze, rage and there are a few more. Depending on what these are, they will lead you to a group with a number on it, I think mine is a type 2 or 3, I forgot and don't much care. There are in very simple terms, two types of PTSD one is that shock moment and the other is over time and you can have both. You absolutely do not have to have been in combat to have this little joy ride and that is very important for the AS community to understand. But yeah, depending on what kind of over all shape I'm in at the moment, when I don't see a trigger coming, the results will vary in intensity. Even when I do see one coming I have found that the ptsd is trying to creep in the back door, not really the ptsd but the effects of a trigger being set off, which you described some of yours. It shows in what I write, what I think, what I do. The more aware I become of the triggers it gets a bit easier to handle the general out come and avoid the triggers altogether. Like a lot of war news will do it and helicopters will do it or low flying planes. Then there are certain social settings and things people do that can set off the less obvious triggers. Nothing I can do about aircraft anymore they took a way my army toys, but I can stay away from a lot of war news, a little is ok. The other type, well I've tried to design my life as best I can to avoid as many triggers as possible and it's easier now that I'm on disability. It isn't anything I can really control, but I can make it a bit better just by knowing what is going on. I also have Valium, which wasn't a forth coming thing for them to give me because of my past drinking and drugging (self medicating). What was so hard for me to get across to them was I'm not that person anymore. They think once a druggy boozer, always, even if you don't do it anymore the tendency to go there again is just almost a given to those people. It was a damn accident the mode stabilizer I'm on has been shown to be effective in treating some forms of ptsd to begin with, we weren't looking in that direction when I started it and so far it has worked the best of anything I've been on and tried for about the last decade and longer. I also understand why I tick the way I do much better now and that has made a huge difference in not beating myself up so badly. It can get murky as well, hard to separate personality disorders from the ptsd traits. Add in the AS traits and oh my god, what a mess, so I just stopped and said here are the facts and here are the annoying parts I want to fix. Some we can and some we can't. I've done the best I can and the last councilor was all ears and said I was on the cutting edge, that I had a clue. Well maybe, but I'd rather not be on the cutting edge either, it hurts. For me the hard part was to forgive myself, that I wasn't really a bad person because I was different. I know where and why the ptsd came to be and it wasn't the army, that was just one huge trigger to me, one I couldn't get away from for a while. I did what I did to survive even though I didn't know why at the time. Now, well I try to float as best I can, go with my craziness and enjoy it and yeah, once in a while it still tries to drag me down. But we have managed to get a lot of the really rough spots under better control and that in itself was worth the road to get here. But remember, the fact that I might be and am officially Bipolar adds in twists to this story that might not fit you. The hell of it is, my story isn't a unique thing here. There is more to it, but it's pretty much a personal journey, we all share a few things, have some things in common, but we are all still different and that's the good part. I still wouldn't trade the AS traits for all the tea in China, but some of this other stuff they can have back. Where's the return desk?

I'm with Postie. I've been looking for the return desk, too. I'd like to return the PTSD. Back to sleeping at dawn, cause it's too nerve wracking laying in the dark and trying to sleep. I have a stalker problem, which I finally called the police about. They had a Victim Advocate call me, and advice me. Some of the advice is pretty obvious, but not to an Aspie. Like asking my neighbors if they knew who this guy was, anything they knew about him, etc, and if he's been bothering anyone else.

Turns out he is the village loony. Brains are fried, from substance abuse. He sometimes walks up and down the streets yelling and cursing. He has also exposed himself, according to my neighbor. She was very kind, and promised to tell her husband to keep an eye out, since I also said I'm pretty sure this person has been walking around the properties here, late at night. Someone broke into three cars and rifled through them, not taking anything. Just why he has singled me out, is a mystery. At least the police have a record of it. So, escalation of PTSD.

Thanks for the response Postie.I feel absolutely absurd trying to explain the way I am feeling to my general practitioner.I had only met her twice,for a refill of my thyroid and Effexor which she happily refilled.She had no clue what was causing the allergies but recommended over the coounter stuff that worked great.So...this last visit to her,before the big Christmas rush at work,I finally mentioned my AS and she said she knew nothing about it but my test results showed my thyroid was low again and she increased that which did seem to help some of the stress symptoms.She also wanted to double my Effexor but I declined that(already hard enough to get off that med).No one has ever suggested Bi-polar but I do have a sister with it(who I really think is an aspie).I agree about the absurdity of "once a junky always a junky"...dont think it applies to aspies who are simply "self medicating" for their social anxiety and sensory over0load...once I have dealt with those issues,I have not only no desire to intoxicate but an aversion to it(Makes me feel a bit panicky to be so out of control...my mind is cloudy enough with out that added brain-shackle)


I have about 4 days of Effexor left,so will have to face my fear of seeing my DR again.(She not only didnt know what aspergers was but didnt sound interested in learning about it)soI'm not really optimistic about her being able to help.(Dr's just seem to think the only solution is more Effexor.No one has suggested valium,etc,but I would have to decline anyway...not worried about getting addicted but I need every brain cell I have just to function(driving and work require All of my resources).Well,it does help that people here understand a bit what I am experiencing...I dont feel half as crazy or alone as I used to.Just sometimes...I wish society or my parents would understand how hard I have to work just to do the simple things they take for granted(like going to the DRs or even making a phone call to the dentist,looking for a job or going back into jobs night after night that make me feel like I curling up into a ball and rocking)>Perhaps it is a draw back that I can fake "normal" so well when I am just falling apart inside.


Not trying to evoke a pity party,just at another crossroads that looks like a deadend.

Hi Krex, Postie, Hartz.

I am glad to see you all posting hre again. I've missed you very much

Sorry to hear your stalker is still bothering you Hartz.I totally understand the not sleeping until sunrise....I did it for years when I lived alone and it's one reason I have been working overnights for the past 15 years(that and less sensory stuff to deal with).
Why does he target you...probably because you notice him....if you think about it,most people have "crazy people" blinders on and forget about these people as soon as they notice them.If you have had to survive a "crazy person"ie volitile,irrational emtional or physical abuse by some one....you tune these people in on your radar....and I think they "sense this".I have been lucky to mostly attract "nice" crazy people,not violent ones...but they do seem to be able to pick me out of a crowd.


I hope the cops find something to pick him up for so that he is no longer focusing on you and maybe even to get him some medical help.

You nailed it dead on. I have to force myself to take an aspirin. I tried an experiment a while back. I can't tell you how long I have been away from the beer, I don't keep count, but a fair amount of time, as in years. I got a six pack and gave myself three nights to finish it before I dumped it. I hated the feel, that old feel was no longer a comfort, it was just mind fog. I don't like and didn't like that slight out of control feeling and I noticed I couldn't do my computer game near as well. It was screwing with me in ways I no longer like. I never did finish the six pack. But for some people it works, not my call, it's theirs.

The label on the Valium says to take it for break out anxiety. In other words I only take it on an as needed basis. Because I don't like pills to begin with, when I do take one the anxiety level is so high, there is no real down side to it. It's like, what valium, I took a valium? I can even take two at a time if I want, but I don't. All it really does it take away some of the edge. Now, if I take it before something like you describe, a doctors visit or even something really simple like a grocery store and the anxiety doesn't hit, for what ever reason, then I feel the "high", I want to go to sleep and my words slur a bit. So what do I do, I go to sleep, it feels good and I don't slur my words or at least I don't hear them. I take a really really low dose, it doesn't come any lower. I probably should take them more then I do and I often wonder if I haven't got my self a bit hooked on that energy level of anxiety. But that could be and sometimes is a manic side and that is a different animal altogether, you actually can miss that side of it, when they're the good ones. It's one of the reasons that Bipolars will go off their meds, we miss our highs. What can I say, I'm weird.

I have no real idea if Bipolar can run in families, I suppose it can and I did look. I didn't see it in mine, except me, but AS traits in spades. This last attempt at figuring me out started out as them thinking I was ADHD and then moved to Bipolar. But I had gone in there thinking that was the trouble to begin with, my fault and I think I was partly correct. If I had had a clue about AS, the first doc I had was really good and I do think we would have sorted all this out years before. Oh well, life goes on, on the good days.

You ever get so damn sick of people telling you, "this to shall pass" you just want to throttle them? Sometimes it felt like my whole life was just one long, "this too shall pass". Like I have said before, it isn't the AS that is the problem, it's this other s**t that sometimes comes along for the ride. Figuring out what it is isn't always easy, but damn, life can get so much better when you do and get it taken care of. It is a sometimes miserable road searching for the right things, the right meds. But when you find them, life takes on a whole new out look. One that I never knew existed. I'm no damn pill pusher, but sometimes it's the right way to approach it.

So'k, I'm just now, I hope, coming out of a down side and feeling kind of creaky myself. Move over we'll all sit and piss and moan together. But lets try for harmony and maybe Ducan will plug in his bass and give us a bit of downbeat. Hartz can do the ranting solos about stalkers. Nannarob can play her rulers on Duncans hands as he taps out the bass notes, that could be interesting. I bet he's asleep. Anyone got his home phone? We'll give em a call and wake him up. I'm sure he'll understand.

Last edited by postpaleo on 29 Jan 2008, 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

Happy dreams and clear skies, Postie!

G'night Sleepy.

Glad to see you to Nanna,missed you all.

Postie,it's funny you should mention the dislike of "this to shall pass" because it is one of my personal mantras.The difference of when I say it to myself(as apposed to some one saying it who just wants you to quit whinning )is that I know that part of the secret in the saying for me is that..."This to shall pass" but you can pretty much count on it returning before to long(at least bad s**t always does seem to recycle itself in my life).The reason it helps me is it lets me remember that there will be a "pause" before it returns that allows me to breath again for a little while.I have tried to explain "that" to the DRs as well.I have spent most of my life feeling like I am holding my breath,literally,physically and figuritively.Just when I think I am going to smoother...whatever it is...pauses,long enough for me to gasp for breath.I tried yoga for several years but the breathing part never came to me...can't seem to control it with out feeling like I'm going to sufficate.I am the classic shallow breather(and a smoker to boot...perhaps the lack of oxygen can account for some of my brain damage.

At least their is sleep and I'm off to bed.Thanks for your input,Postie.

My preferred version:

"Like unto a kidney stone, this too shall pass..."

Then I just hope that whatever it is, in its passing, doesn't leave me peeing blood for days.

it probably will, though.