Ain't never been there, They tell me it's nice

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Somebody actually made the request that I write an intro to myself. When I think about it part of the reason I didn't get to it yet, is I feel like most of you probably already know the basic plot. I fit a diagnosis of classical autism as a child, but classical autism meant you couldn't be smart. So I got thrown to the wolves like so many of you, but I was born with a shield and spear so many of you were not. I'm white, male, 6'5'', have athletic genetics and I'm considered good looking. In my slice of America, that makes you a minor prince.

-- They call me crazy but I have a good time --

Never did homework in school, aced all the tests, and was entirely willing to walk out on a teacher mid class if I decided there was nothing for me to gain by staying. I didn't typically break rules, but I've never been one to recognize anybody as having authority over me. I was always willing to learn, so if you were offering me new knowledge you had my attention. Even with the TAG program, the occasions they were actually offering me something new were few. TAG did give me independent studies time. One of my projects was to write a report on the importance of games in ancient cultures.

I've always loved games of all kinds, but they are really just a subset of my true Interest with a capital I. I love systems. I love breaking things down to the smallest parts I can and analyzing them until I grok it. Everything can be broken down into a system of variables allowing you to model how to act to induce a given outcome. You don't have to pick up subtle social cues when you analyze the social circle as a whole, identify weak points and strong points, then isolate and neutralize those who pose potential problems to your subversion of the authority hierarchy, and push everyones buttons until they give you the desired response and you move on.

The desired response was always teach me something new, and then leave me alone. When I was twelve, over summer break I had the flu. It was one of those nasty all in your sinuses and head ones that leaves you with completely blocked sinuses that leak and a headache. It is now thirteen years later and I still have that headache every morning when I wake up and every evening when I go to bed. In kindergarten, I had perfect attendance. By the eighth grade, I attended just under half of days of school. They didn't even bother to enroll me in high school, so I got my GED. With honors. The way the certificate with the governor's seal and signature explained what that means is this, every year they have a collection of graduates from Oregon high schools take the GED test. To pass you must be in the 55th percentile or higher. My score was in the 95th percentile or higher.

-- I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime --

I have multiple shoe boxes filled with empty prescription bottles, none are duplicates and I don't have a bottle left behind from all of them. Three CT scans, two MRIs, two spinal taps, a few in patient stays on IV drips. Five years of being the lab monkey to finally have them say to me we really don't know what we can do for you medically, you are just going to have to figure out how to cope on your own. To have them try and get me to take an anti depressant to treat the depression I didn't have.

So I stopped going to see neurologists hoping that they had answers for my head pain. The thing that has always helped me maintain my center is meditation and the Dao. It humbles me and shows me the way to a greater appreciation of self.
-- Life's been good to me so far --

I can totally relate. I am diagnosed with classical autism. It is a big misconception that those of us who have classic autism can't be smart or intelligent. I believe that it is impossible to measure our intelligence with the I.Q. tests that are used for neurologically typical people. I also aced college and high school without much study or doing homework. I too suffer from severe headaches. My neurologist prescribed Nortriptyline HCL ( an antidepressant) and Butalbital for my migraines. He explained that migraines are caused by parts of the brain going to sleep (much the same way that limbs can fall asleep). He said that antidepressants help prevent this. Unfortunately for me, my body builds tolerance to medications rather quickly. I'm considering using herbal medicines and nutritional remedies in place of medication. I hope that this will be what makes the difference for me.

Was it anything like this?

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, fellow-citizen Crassus.

The best part is that seems like the explanation of so many texts that best respects parsimony. My particular report was oriented more towards the idea that game and sport have always largely been about creating a common vocabulary of war. If I know the rules of a game you are good at well enough, I can extrapolate what type of role you are likely to be suited to on my battle field, and how to best explain your mission tasks to you so that I can coordinate fight tactics amongst an otherwise disparate group.

I put these things into practice in all kinds of team oriented endeavors, from team sports (futbol and basketball were always my main sports, marking defender and deep post power forward respectively) to first person shooters, especially those with a heavy tactical/strategy element (Cover sniper/field general), to MMO's(Healer, strategy planner, logistics coordinator), to social integration of smaller packs into larger herds via subversion of larger group goals (Tactician, Entry Specialist, PsyOps), to stuff that is harder to talk about.

I develop rapid tolerance, when medicines do affect me they do so in unpredictable ways and I've had the same one headache for 13 years. Pretty much every consultation I have had ever is some variation of them thinking I'm a liar, not being able to find any holes in my rhetoric and just throwing pills at me. Sometimes they want to do some fancy new test before throwing the pill at me and sometimes the pill isn't strictly in pill form. I have had far too many experiences of a doctor explaining they want me to try taking <medication> and I refuse to let them pretend they can't explain what biochemical processes they are altering to me and actually question how they expect that chemical acting on that process, to result in this over here changing. The one that finally made me say no more, was when they tried one final time to get me on yet another antidepressant because I had had a breakdown.
I had a conversation consisting of me asking leading questions and them answering "that is true." We established that yes I was exhibiting symptoms of depression, yes this is easily explained by the presence of stresses in my life, no the antidepressant is not being prescribed with any expectation that it will have any impact on the underlying conditions leading to the stress, and yes it is true that if we don't do anything to impact the underlying conditions the best case scenario is an ever increasing dose until I'm a vegetable. So I said if you can explain to me what the long term plan is here to actually have some sense of progress, I will take whatever antidepressant you want. They said "It is your choice whether you take the antidepressant or not." I said "I'm done" and I was done. This was actually essentially the third time I had this conversation in that little hospital stay, once with the GP, once with the shrink, once with the neurologist.

I totally do exactly what you do socially... breaking down the "social" thing into many different parts and then pushing buttons until I know which ones are the right ones and which ones are the wrong ones... It's like there's a gigantic supercomputer in my brain that analyzes social situations methodically based on all of the data I have gathered... do you feel like that sometimes?

What a beautiful mind you have.

If you can put your Trust in the beauty of my mind, Believe me when I say every mind has just as much Beauty as mine, I'm just more of a show off about it.

Wow. Thank you for responding to my request for the intro, Crassus. It was certainly worth the wait. Liked the Heinlein reference.

Not to sound like a crass-addict, but you've left me wanting to hear more! Does music stick hard in your head to where you have to hear the same song about 30 times before it leaves you alone? Do you rarely listen to music because you can summon the whole melody back whenever you want?

How do you deal with issues of Presentation of Self? For example, I frequently come across as condescending when I don't intend to be. If you've successfully worked in groups and in positions of leadership, you must have overcome these issues which would seem to indicate some means of being aware of yourself and how you are coming across to people. I miss that mark in social situations and cannot maintain group relationships (for groups outside of my Interests) for any great length of time. Were social group relations an Interest of yours at one time?

Presentation of Self.

It all comes down to Authority. Selling yourself to others in a manner that displays you are worthy of being granted the power to say what is. We are doing it right now. I selected a highlight reel of anecdotes from my life that illustrate things of myself I am thinking about and willing to share of. The things I say strike you as having a truth, so you grant me power to speak to you. You choose to listen. You encourage me to talk more about something, and you have given me authority over that thing.

The more I say and the more you check against your own reality and have hold true, the more authority you grant me. I begin to have a reputation for Knowing Things. It becomes expected that I will make statements of fact and they will be truth. You begin to trust that even if you don't understand why it is true, if I say so I might make a mistake, but you are better off for the things that are not mistaken being integrated than none of it. The mistakes get corrected out easier when you are always open to being corrected and advancing knowledge, and authority is about granting the power to correct.

same never did homework bottom of class because cynical education board of me being visually impaired, hated homework ruined my structure but I got straight Cs except in math hehe I have never felt so jubliant and to say bugger off to a ghead teacher hehe Rebellious you sound cool