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Not really sure how to start this, so I'll just say 'hello everyone' and go from there...

I've had a fairly rubbish year for reasons I'm increasingly thinking are related to AS, but I've always known something was wrong. In my teens, I was the 'drippy' girl who never got asked out because I was 'weird', and even if I had been asked out I always stayed in my room anyway! I've always been one for obsessing over really daft things like TV shows - there have been times where I've been able to write out episodes of shows from memory! - and music to the exclusion of literally everything else, just because they've become all-consuming and I've not been able to see the wood for the trees. My latest obsession, for what it's worth, is music videos. School was horrible for me - I was brilliant at things like English and drama for some reason, but found maths and science unbearable as I couldn't get my head around them. Homework was impossible unless it was an essay with a grade in sight - anything else was just pointless as far as I was concerned. Somehow I still managed to get to uni and got on well, but again, I was the weird one who overcompensated in debates by shouting everyone else down. Not fun. And keeping friends through all this has been difficult, to say the least - I've tended to lose touch with most people like uni friends unless I'm living in the same city as them, or talking to them most days for some common interest. I tend to attract people who like manipulating me because I'm so honest, which doesn't help with the friends situation. A lot of the time in groups I'll just sit and try and listen, but it's difficult for me to carry on conversations as I really can't do 'small talk' for love nor money. I can, however, ramble on about myself or something that interests me for England, even if nobody else is interested. As you can see.

Anyway, I don't know if I even have AS or not; I'm at the 'that sounds like me' stage after a while reading up about it (as part of dealing with the aforementioned rubbish year I've had), but I took the RDOS quiz and that said I was 'very likely' an Aspie (score of 129/85). It's the start of a journey for me I think, so I just wanted to say 'hello' in the meantime while I figure it all out.

Hello and welcome!

Hello mangochutney You really seemes to be one of us out of your description. Feel yourself very welcome to join in with us and talk. And remember, even if you feel most of AS fits you then it might appear that some traits dont fit you, this is natural as its quite common that "all of us dont have all of it". I hope you find good ways on "figure it all out" here!

Oh yeah, hello and welcome to WillWasHere too as I see you also is new!

It's nice to meet you, mangochutney. Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet.

Thanks for the welcome everyone (Oh - I use smileys a lot because otherwise I seem to write stuff on message boards that people take as being argumentative, so I'm sorry if it's irritating but it's better than the alternative for me!)

I suppose my big question is whether it's worth trying to pursue a diagnosis or not. I'm in the sort of industry where it would be much more of a hinderance than a help to have a diagnosis, despite all the disability laws. Plus I've gotten pretty good at putting on a confident front or channelling my quirks positively for the most part, purely because I wouldn't get anywhere at all otherwise. Although it does completely zap my energy to do so and I have to have moments where I just hide away so my brain can recover. But I'm pretty certain that it's what caused me to leave my last couple of jobs, because I couldn't quite navigate the office politics properly despite doing the job well. Also, the possibility of a diagnosis has come up once before, but was ruled out pretty quickly by a counsellor basically because I wasn't crawling up the walls. Plus I think she wanted to shove me into a generalised therapy group despite me constantly saying I didn't want that. I'm at a bit of a loss as to whether I should pursue it and how, really.

It's really good to know I can come here and ask about this stuff, though. I'm sure there will be many more stupid questions like this!

Welcome to WP!

hello and welcome mangochutney,

In my books 'stupid' doesn't exist. I do though, think questions are the way to go. They do confront us with patterns that take the whole of who we are more time to make sense of. All those 'shifts' of orientation, routines, cosy comforts, expectations... It's hard yakka! (meaning 'work').

With regard to [quote]I'm at a bit of a loss as to whether I should pursue it and how.
The 'how' -perhaps start with locating and contacting your nearest Autism & Aspergers Group;
The 'whether I should pursue it" - what does your gut direct?

About smilies: corny mabye, but I like them. They're an easy strategy/tool to focus balance in our neurones, allowing wellbeing to rise.
Cheers and all the best mangochutney.

My gut says I maybe don't need a formal diagnosis right now. But if I was to try and find a support group, I think the ones in my neck of the woods are only accessible if you have it on letterhead paper. Which only sends me round in circles and makes me wonder how self-diagnosed people ever manage to get access to help.

Welcome mangochutney!

What was the subject of your studies (if you are comfortable telling about them)



Office politics can be difficult indeed. I try to keep my private opinions and life as much as separated from job, but it is difficult since I am a bit fascinated by office politics too. Luckily I have someone at my volunteer job to talk about my paid job.

I hope your next jobs work out better.



I have been in some sort of therapy group for one year when I was around 13 years old. It was a generalised group, but still I learned some things. Now I learned to cope with a lot of things, my preference for a group would probably be similar. But you could still try. Depends a bit on the things you want to learn.


Ah well, will see. Reading topics can give real insights. And your questions where not stupid!! !

Sure - it was performing arts and film. My career since then (which I've generally been happy with, office politics aside) has been in the admin side of that field - ironically it seems that admin people need to be the most socially confident people in the world. Plus I managed to screw up some really simple verbal instructions the other day because I didn't want to ask for clarification - it wasn't a major issue but it's the kind of thing that I always imagine people saying in private 'how daft must she be to do that?!'




They fascinate me too! But I don't like getting involved in them myself - I'm not overly keen on people I work with knowing my business, which of course tends to make me a target.




It was a generalised self-esteem issues thing. Essentially the counsellor heard 'job problems' and wouldn't hear anything else, even after I asked for CBT (as had been suggested in my initial talk with the GP). I wouldn't have minded it if it wasn't obvious that it was basically just to deal with me as quickly as possible.




That's very kind of you.

Oh - I also just retook the RDOS quiz and got a higher score than last time despite trying to play down the more obvious answers! I don't know what that says...

Welcome