(Re?)Diagnosis? And a Hello

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I don't know what you guys might think of me and if I'm not accepted then I totally understand. This is going to be a really long post because I have a LOT of things to get off my chest and to get opinions of!!

I was diagnosed as autistic, as a toddler. I was not given a chance at all. A visiting specialist at the Childrens Hospital of the Kings Daughters told my grandmother that I would never be able to run correctly, or tell her how my school field trips went. I was in Special Education for 3 years (I literally rode the short bus) until i was allowed into regular classes. During over a year of that time I was a mute as well, and reading over reports from my childhood, I can see that I showed all the signs of Autism. My parents were very negligent, unfortunately, and Southern Baptist, so they saw the fact that i was allowed into regular classes as a sign that I was totally fine and a Miracle Child.

I had horrible hygiene problems because I did not realize what deodorant was, and my parents didn't tell me that the cat was licking my armpit not because she was friendly but because i smelled like fish. I was picked on cruelly, with all the other students one day pulling their desks away from mine so that, I, right in the middle, stood out. I had lice for 3 years because the treatments did not work and my parents would not force me to keep on treating myself. My attitude was "It didn't work, why go thru the hassle again if it doesn't do anything?" I didn't brush my teeth because the toothpaste my parents bought burnt my mouth so much. It was physically painful, and I didn't realize that toothpaste could be any different, and they didn't pressure me to brush my teeth. Even though I brush several times a day now, my teeth are still bad from being mistreated as a child.

I knew the story about being diagnosed as Autistic, but I had heard the story wrong. I thought that I went mute because my cousins moved away, and was then diagnosed. I assumed that i was just hurt, and acting funny. I later found out that i was diagnosed, and in the special class for over a year before I went mute, and that was because both my cousins moved away, and the man I had seen as a father figure disappeared from my mothers life.

I diagnosed myself as Borderline personality disorder in 9th grade. I wrote to a lady who wrote a book about the connection between Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism, and she basically told me, "Yeah, you're Autistic." I felt INSULTED! But over time I've given it much thought, and on the Aspergers tests online i always score sort of on the edge. Like one or two points away from being normal...

So I wonder if my childhood diagnosis had any merit, or whether I'm just so awkward because of neglect. And I wonder if it is too late to be (re?)diagnosed, and how the heck I would go about it. (I am very poor.) If anybody could help me I would be super grateful!

I am 21, and I still live with them, and work a part time job. I'm not sure how I could go about that, or how I could prove anything at all. I have thought about "striking back" against my parents before, but my brother, who's 10 years older than me and who i respect and admire so much (but lives across the country) loves my mother to death and I don't want to get on his bad side.

He endured the same circumstances but lived with my grandparents for a while, which I never did. And he excelled! So that just makes me feel guilty, like there is something seriously wrong with me and I am the sole person to be blamed. But on the other hand...I was a CHILD. I didn't KNOW any better.

Welcome to WP!

Greetings, fellow-traveler nakedmardou, and welcome to the Wrong Planet community.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks for the Welcoming!