married... sort of

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Hello, I'm new here.

I don't have Asperger's but my husband does. We've been married for 19 years, and about 6 years ago, it hit me that some of his "issues" were something more than just baggage from bad parents.

About 3 years ago, I was working with special needs children and that's where I learned about Asperger's. A light went off in my head - Dang, that's my husband! I told him that I felt that he had this, and it went well. Instead of getting defensive, he seemed to be relieved that he had an answer. We read some books and he found a therapist that specializes in Asperger's. He passed all of her tests with flying colors (no surprise to me).

Anyway, I just found this site and thought it might be a good place to learn and also a good place to vent, as it can be a frustrating existence for spouses. We have three children. I think I can honestly say that, if not for the kids, I likely would've been gone a while ago. I try to make the best of things and keep my sense of humor.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

I hope we'll hear more from you.

Hi the_wife

There is a group called Aspires that is for NT and Aspie couples to vent and explain.

Hi and Welcome, The Wife.

I'm a married aspie too (with kids) and I know how much of a strain it can put on your relationship (on both sides).

If you need someone to ask questions of or just "talk" to Feel free to PM me (or my wife - who sometimes posts here as jbollard).

You might also get a lot out of my blog (see my footer) because I often talk about adult asperger issues relationships, empathy and communication.

Are your children aspies?

"Hi," the_wife, and welcome to the Wrong Planet community.

Hi There! This is my first post here. I've been reading (lurking, if you will) and gaining a lot of insight. My husband and I were married for 13 years then divorced. During our year apart, I came to learn about Asperger's from a co-worker and did some reading on my own. He and I have been back together for two years now working on our relationship as we understand it now. I'm NT and he is an Aspie. Things have been so much better sice we have both been trying to learn how to communicate and understand Asperger's as (in my opinion) a different way of thinking, being and existing. He is open to learning about it and how he can better communicate with me. It is a lot of work, but very important to us. I value him greatly. I always like to hear of the light going on for other people. Our married years were very dificult; no understanding at all on my part and him trying to do his absolute best to the degree he was able. I want to welcome you, and tell you I really think there is hope!

There's also "AS and their partners" at Delphi forums.
http://forums.delphiforums.com/asandpartners

Thanks, everyone, for the welcoming words. I feel better already!

Our kids are 15, 13, and 9. All boys. I don't think any of them have AS, and the two older ones are aware of their Dad's diagnosis.