I'm new here. First of all, let me say a little bit on how I came to be here. I was doing some research online about Fragile X (FXS) syndrome (which I believe my brother may have), which is is the most common known cause of autism or "autistic-like" behaviors, and can range from learning disabilities to more severe cognitive or intellectual disabilities. During this time, I also came across several references to this recently discovered "disorder" known as Asperger Syndrome. When I read through the common traits of AS, I was stunned to say the least. My god, could they be possibly talking about ME? I sent a link to my wife which listed common aspie characteristics, and she e-mailed back to me "Paul, I think you have this. This is pretty much you." Ok, I thought, the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. I took the Simon Baron-Cohen Autism-Spectrum Quotient test online and scored a 40. The site states that Eighty percent of those diagnosed with autism or a related disorder scored 32 or higher. Hmmm. I took another online test and I score a 125 out of 200. The results stated "You are very likely an Aspie."
I am relieved to discover all this, because it explains a great many things. I had a painful childhood and was always being picked on, teased and called names from elementary school all they way through junior high. I never had many friends (though I did and still do crave friendship). I am painfully shy, and can only elloquently express myself in writing. I am physically and socially akward. I don't like large crowds of people, loud noises, or phsyical contact (unless I am prepard and ask for it). I tense up when I have to shake someone's hands. Don't get me started on hugs! I look like Frankenstein when I am expected to hug someone. My dad, who I also suspect has AS, looks equally rigid and it's laughable seeing us hug each other. People think I'm weird (which hurts me), and I only look more ridiculus when I try to act "normal". It just doesn't work. Oh, and I sometimes get fixated on pulsing or blinking lights, clouds, light patterns projected on walls, and things like that. Don't ask me why. I have to watch myself because sometimes if I'm bored, I will start swaying. I don't notice I'm doing it until I catch someone looking at me strangely. I don't like conversations because I don't know how to continue them or end them without sounding abrupt. I just about die when someone asks me how it's going, because I don't know how to respond. I am who I am, and I'm glad to be here and among people who are like me!
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"Truth is one, paths are many"
02 Jul 2009, 7:48 am
You will get lots of support here.
