New - 9yr old son, possible Aspie, 3 yr old niece Autism.

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Hi

After repeated meltdowns at school over the last 5 years and repeated attempts by myself to have my son evaluated, the school counsellor reckons he has Aspergers. I have asked over and over and over again for an evaluation, nothing happened. However, when he had a meltdown last week and ran from the classroom to the road outside the school and threatened to throw himself under the next bus or car, the school finally listened.

He is 9 and since he was 5-6, he was labelled a "naughty but clever boy". What the school didn't realise is that he wasn't classically "naughty" - he doesn't steal, tell lies or bash the other kids. He gets almost manic when the chaos and noise of the classroom is too much for him to bear. He gets almost manic when playing a game at school and someone doesn't follow the rules. He has perfect manners and respect for "the rules". If other kids fail to follow the rules, he loses it.

Since he was a baby we, his parents, have seen how eccentric he is. I finally lost it and told the school that he WAS NOT naughty, he is timid, naive and eccentric. He IS NOT stressed, he is feeling anxiety. The school finally listened.

It took about 30 mins with the school counsellor (a psych) jotting down our family history for her to say - "it looks like he might have some Aspergers traits". My response was DUH! We couldn't use the vacuum cleaner until he was 5 years old or turn on a radio - the "white noise" would drive him to distraction, he would scream with his hands over his ears. He refuses to even try to ride a bicycle and even on his scooter he falls off it way too often. Food has been an issue, but he will now eat curries and things that are spicy (a stim maybe?). Won't eat "weird" vegetables - only he has the definition for "weird vegetables" I am clueless, I think he makes it up as he goes along or even attempt any fruit. He ate 2 brussel sprouts once, it cost me ten bucks - 5 bucks for each brussel sprout.

My niece was recently diagnosed with Austism. She has it fairly severely - no speech at 3 years old, lots of stimming.

Anyway, this is me. New to all this.

Such a pity my child has had to go through so much over the last 5 years and be labelled "naughty". All he needs is someone at school to recognise when he is in a situation that might make him "lose it" or even to see him starting to "lose it" and then re-direct and re-focus. It's what we have been doing at home for ages. But the teachers knew better, apparently I am a teacher also, but not at my kids' school - which says a lot about public education in Australia.

Sorry for rabbiting on. I'm a little bit angry, a little bit sad and a whole lot Pd off.

How's your son taken the news? Does he know what's been said? Because he should be told if he hasn't been already.

I don't know how things work in Australia, but in the States, the rule of thumb is, if it wasn't in writing, it didn't happen. That means, if you ask for something, ask in writing. If they tell you they're going to do something and don't put it in writing, send a "thank you note" confirming what they said they'd do, and say something like "if I have misunderstood anything, please let me know within x days." That way, there is documentation. If you ask for an evaluation here, and it isn't in writing, they never have to do it. If it's in writing, they have to do it within a certain number of days (usually 60).

If you keep things in writing, it can help reduce misunderstandings - and you'll have a record of what you were promised. Now that school has finally started to see more of who your son really is, maybe he'll start to get what he needs. It's terrible that it took so long - maybe you can use their delay to get him more supports now.

Welcome greetings to the Wrong Planet community, Ange33.

your sons story sounds like my sons story, only he is 20 years old now. Asperger was a fairly new diagnosis back when my son was in 3rd grade. I told the school he was asperger and their tests said no. They said he wouldn't even make eye contact. That's apergerger!! they said he wasn't going to get any special treatment. We had a private psychologist do a full workup with IQ and autism tests. He is asperger and Non verbal LD. Thank God that is all behind us now! At least you finally got it recognized. good luck and stay informed so you'll know what's best for your family.