Dealing with being picked on

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Hello,

I am new here and have been wanting to ask this question of someone and thought I would here. How is the best way to deal with being picked on? I have seen the standard answers of "let people know how you feel" , "just suck it up and get over it" and the one I use of "Modify your behavior to remove the stimulus". From my experience they all have consequences, if you let someone know how you feel, they then perceive you as week and depending on the person, they will either step things up as they want to make you feel bad, or even worse they feel sorry for you and go out their way to try disingenuinly boost your confidence (I hate fake people). Sucking it up leads to depression as there is only so much you can internalize before you have to turn to prescription or street drugs to numb the pain. By modifying the stimulus of staying away from those that are picking on you or changing your behavior so they won't, basically causes you to loose your identity. You are know longer you, you are a composite of what others expect you to be. In other words you are a faker like me (did I mention I hate fake people).

I am assuming that on this board there are others that don't think fast enough or react appropriately to their surroundings and give those that want to pick, plenty of material to work with. Does anyone know of way to deal with this and still able to keep their identity?

[Mod edit: removed insult]

I use this manual here...

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/A_survival ... c_spectrum

Last edited by Kail on 21 Feb 2012, 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hi faker,

Firstly I have to welcome you to wrong planet (as i see it your first post).

In regards to dealing with being picked on, it largely depends who is doing the bulling? A bully in the street, a fellow employee, a teacher and so forth.

I have been picked on many times throughout my life, most times i have no idea whether they are joking or not. Some people will say it is banter, others are sadistic and enjoy watching you in pain. Personally, I have no idea which is which, usually until it is too late.

I have found no hard and fast rules in these situations. but for example if a teacher, someone of authority or a colleague was to pick on me or say something i don't agree with (e.g. something racist) i would say 'i find this disturbing, i need to take a moment' and make sure you hold everyone up while you do this and then walk away. (I took this from ally mcbeal).

I also noted that you do not like fakers, their are very few people in the world who would say they are fake. Thus i think you mean, people who perceive the world differently??

I hope this helps somewhat in your discovery......

Hi,

I am sorry that you have been picked on.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Orr, how can you say something like that? That's like the "just suck it up and get over it" that Faker was talking about.

Faker, I'd be lying to you if I said that life was easy. My mom always tells me that people pick on me because I'm different. As another person on this planet, I'm sure that you're different too. Being different isn't always a bad thing, even if it takes a you a while to believe it. Try focusing on being different, being an individual (we're reading about American Romanticism in English). Who would want to be like everyone else anyway?

Don't suck it up. If you let other people cut you down because you're different, others you haven't even met might actually lose respect for you for being a "doormat" (people who let others walk all over them).

I know I'm being a bit of a philsospher (I find those people to be the least bit helpful in dealing with my sorrows), but does that help at all?

I went to a Mental Health place once for a couple of years and tried to get some help and they misdiagnosed my condition as depression.

They tried to prescribe Prozac - but it didn't do anything except make me more depressed.
I went to the doctors one day and I pleaded with them to give me some medicine to make me normal - like everyone else.
The doctor must not have wanted to help me because she said that my personality was what made me me.

Before I got into stock car racing, I was hell on wheels and my mom used to say that they ought to make a road just for me to drive on.
Oh how true she was.

All that I can say is that most people will never understand you and you can't load a gun and shoot a bunch of them just because they are picking on you and giving you a hard time.

I think that the secret is to have some true friends.
When you travel by yourself you are more vulnerable.
When you travel as a group - and people see you surrounded by other people who likes you and will defend you - you will be much harder to pick on.

If you go to school - you need to find others with the same interests as you or join some type of club or group that will accept you the way you are.

If you work - you might end up just eating and taking breaks by yourself and avoiding all other people and just putting in your 40 hours and getting the heck out of there as fast as you can.

Or you can write songs or invent something that can make you rich and famous and then you won't have to go to work anymore and you won't have to put up with those looser's.

I think that some people finds solace by starting their own business and then they don't have any bosses to answer to and they can make their own hours and their own rules.
Even a lawn care business - if you own your own equipment and truck and trailer can be quite profitable if you manage your money right.

Surround yourself with people who wants to be successful and you will be successful. That has always been my motto.

"The clock of life is wound but once And no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop At late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still."

Welcome to the Herd! May the Rainbow Dash be with you.

Hearing this makes me sad. People like us have a hard time growing a thicker skin. When I see someone else tell another to "toughen up" it makes me feel like they don't respect the other person's feelings. You can't be expected to modify your behavior, either. That's just not fair. The truth is that there are jerks out there who can't accept you for you. A lot of them, actually. My advice is to try to build a reservoir of positive experiences with your friends, family, or people you just feel comfortable with. I read a book recently and it talked about this reservoir. It acts as a sort of cushion that make the blows of being picked up hurt much less. Eventually your reservoir is so full that a person picking on you is so insignificant that you just laugh in their stupid face for trying to make you feel bad.

It's tough to build up these positive experiences, but I think that WP will do a good job of that