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I learned about AS some weeks ago when I was searching answers for the meltdowns of my 3y old.
I had thought some years ago that my sister (considered weird by everybody) had some autistic traits, but I had never thought that me, the social one, the one with family and nice job would have anything to do with autism.
Well, I read an article about AS and it was like I was reading the story of my life: regullar child but bullied in highschool, bad ballance, sensitivity to noise, light, temperature, going into monologues, being told that the tone of my voice is expressing something else than my words, never cool nomatter how much I try (and believe me, I am a perfectionist so I TRY ), and the list is long. The cherry on the cake (and the end of the article) is that I have always been good in mathematics, not understanding poetry as much as I tried
I found the aspie quiz on net, done it first time: 150 out of 200 aspie, 75 /200 non autistic behaviour. As I was feeling depressed that time I said I wanted on purpose to score like that, I did it again, trying to be honest and answering in the most non autistic manner I could: 131/200 aspie.

Now I don't know what to do. I had already an appointment to see a psychologist for my daughter because I have the feeling that her tantrums are a bit harder than of the children of her age. Should I check myself or not? Would I gain anything with a diagnossis? Wouldn't I find an excuse not to fight any more and adapt my behaviour? I don't really believe in people that learn you what to do, I have always tried on error myself
I have social problems. For the moment there are some question marks at work regarding my level of "involvement" (read "gossip") I hate small talks where we discuss problems we don't actually have and I focus on logic and solving them. But for some people looks I don't care.
Another thing is that I have a mild depression (new baby, sometimes short nights => I see things darker than normal)

Any advise?

There is a genetic basis to Asperger's Syndrome so, it is very likely that you passed such personal characteristics on to your
young daughter. Still, don't fret...

However, simply discuss your concerns with your daughter's psychologist...that's what you're paying the psychologist for. It all comes down to the BEST interest of your child.

Being diagnosed has made a big positive difference to my life. I am on medication at the moment to help me recover from the stress of all the years of using my own workarounds to try to be normal. My ADHD is also being treated. I expect to go off all the medication eventually, except perhaps the Ritalin.

I am also seeing a psychologist to help me with some relationship issues (these are finally being sorted out), and I attend a support group.

I therefore suggest you go ahead and have yourself assessed. It could help a lot.

On the subject of meltdowns, I have found these resources helpful to me to deal with mine. I did not have many meltdowns as a child, and even not very frequently as an adult, except that since last year they have increased in frequency and I have become vulnerable to having them far more often. These materials are actually written with children in mind, but I apply them to myself too:

http://www.aspires-relationships.com/AS ... ith_as.htm
(Download the pdf and print it)

http://www.amazon.com/Asperger-Syndrome ... 931282706/
(Same thing, but in more detail)

A pleasure to welcome you to the Wrong Planet community, GreenStar.

thanks for fast answers

I forgot to say: I also have big difficulties to focus on one thing (I get easily distracted) and to split a big task into smaller tasks, I feel like paralised by the "whole". I need to divide and plan to be able to function. Are these comming with the depression? I feel they are accentuated in the last period.

Regarding genetics, yes, I know: my sister and my mother also have AS traits from what I can see after reading.

I have been struggling with the same thing this year, and in my case it is due to the following: Asperger's Syndrome (aspies tend to focus on the parts rather than the whole), ADHD (many aspies have this) and a kind of generalised anxiety. I am receiving treatment for the anxiety in the form of pills; for the ADHD I take pills as well. I am also receiving a lot of help with the organising from a colleague who has ADHD and who has more developed strategies than I have. The 'divide and plan' strategy which you are already using is a very good one. We use it in my office. It is also a fundamental principle of Project Management (which is the discipline I teach as part of my job).

My work performance has improved a lot with all of these interventions.

I still struggle to keep tidy at home, but I am forgiving myself for that at the moment, because I need to stay calm in order to function properly, and if was hard on myself for too many things, I could become more stressed and I would be less functional at work then, and lose my cool with people.

GreenStar, are you living alone with your child, or is there anyone else in your home?

I have 2 children: breastfed baby and heavy 3y1/2 old. I take care of the baby, my husband of the oldest girl

I am not hyper active, but I have issues with atention. My whole life I had that, especially when I don't like the thing I have to do. Cleaning I hate, cooking I like for example. When I cook I am all there, focused. When I clean everything get me distracted. At work the same story (I am software analyst) - if I study conflicts or I do something difficult I don't hear anything. If I have to write routine documentation or to test I click on internet every five minutes. I hate myself not being able to focus and get rid at once of the nasty things.

Anxiety I had in my teens and my 20s. Badly, I could not stay alone at home. Now I am ok.

With me if the place where I am is not tidy I feel stressed. But sometimes I don't have the energy to do it => conflict

Not all people who have an attention deficit disorder are hyperactive. Some are more dazed and spaced out, like daydreamers. I have a colleague who is like Winnie the Pooh; I am more like Tigger. You also get ADHD people like Eeyore (slow, depressed), and like Piglet (anxious and flustered -- my cousin, who is over 60, is like that, and she has low self-esteem because she is a religious person who tries to live a decent life and yet her house is always dirty).

I wasn't always this anxious. In fact, I had never used the word anxious to describe myself until this year, when my psychiatrist and my psychologist both used the word to sum up what I had told them about my feelings in a far more convoluted way. I expect that once I have been on medication for a few months, and once I have practiced de-stressing activities for long enough, I will go back to normal.

You may want to buy a book called Driven To Distraction, a bestseller about ADHD. But I still think you should go for a diagnosis. Try to find out who there is in your area who specialises in ADHD and autism spectrum disorders. Many psychologists and other medical practitioners (in my country anyway) are not good at recognising the signs, and besides, the signs of Asperger's Syndrome are more difficult to spot in women. There are a number of things which you have said even about who you are from an outward perspective that are stereotypical indicators of being an ADHD aspie: "A female software analyst who is messy at home and who keeps switching to the Internet whilst working and who switches out what people say when she is concentrating on a task."

You fit the picture perfectly. If we were having this conversation over a cup of tea right now I would honestly offer you some ofmy Ritalin to try, that's how convinced I am.

This is typical in attention deficit disorders and there is a neurological reason for it. It is not because you are too lazy to do the unpleasant task, it is because your brain cannot supply enough of the chemicals you need to focus on those things at that time. ADD/ADHD people cannot concentrate at will the way that neurotypical people can. They must use the concentration they have when they have it.

There is a neurological reason why you keep switching to the Internet. It is because you enjoy it, and the enjoyment creates focus. You then try to take that focus back to your work, so that you can concentrate on the task you are supposed to be doing, but after a while, the concentration dissipates, and you go back to the Internet to get another scoop of concentration to take back to your work. If you were on the correct dose of a stimulant such as Ritalin, you would be able to focus without having to go to the Internet so often.



I struggle with the same thing. I focus best when I am in simple, clean surroundings without clutter, and with all my filing up to date. However, I am not always capable of creating or maintaining such surroundings, so at the moment I have to try to cut out these distracting visual stimuli created by the surrounding disorder in order to get my work done, because I have deadlines to meet and cannot afford the time to fix up my surroundings until tomorrow or possibly even Sunday.

It has frequently been suggested to me that I should get a maid to clean up and tidy up from time to time. In fact, when I was married, we did employ a cleaning lady. However, I am determined to overcome this handicap myself, just like a one-legged man can have the vision of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Whenever I find a strategy that helps me in my goal, I make a note of it, and I apply it. As a result, I sometimes have long tidy spells, and am able to offer decent, practical advice to people who are even more messy than I am.

There are some things in my life I have given up trying to do, but becoming a habitually tidy person through workarounds and interventions which take cognisance of my disability is one thing I remain determined to achieve.

alphabetania, I also identify myself with many things you say. I am 34. funny description of adhd with the characters from winnie I think I am the winnie combined with piglet type.

we hired someone for cleaning, but putting the house in order every evening after the children are in bed is still our task. my 3y old makes a complete chaos of the house whenever she does not get enough attention. till now I could go on, even having difficulties in focus at work, but now there is a bit too much on me. I tried to step a bit away socially and at work, but this doesn't seem to be enough.

in a couple of days I have the appointment to psychologist for my daughter. after that I will go back to my family doctor for further investigation.

I forgot to say: my dr already gave me some antidepressives, but based on plants because of breastfeeding. they help in the idea that I feel a bit more energy to do the things I normally don't like to do.

As a matter of interest, what made you pick this specific psychologist? Does he/she have a good reputation for dealing with Autism Spectrum Disorders?

No, no - it is a pshychologist specialised in children, recomended by the pediatrician.
The idea of the pediatrician was to talk to this person about the tantrums of our daughter and see what we can get. If not enough, or if recomanded, to ask a psychiatrist. But for the last one there is a waiting line of 3-4 months where we live.
My family doctor said that he would go for a psychiatrist, but he asked me to wait to see how I feel with the medication he gave and the answer of the pshychologist. I told him that I suspect myself having AS and I think he looked a bit wierd at me
AS or not, they will have to fix somehow the depression and lack of attention I have.

What sent you to the doctor after 40 years?

Welcome to WP!