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Hey everybody!

My name's Jenny, I'm 21, and I'm kind of new to this. One of my huge obsessions is music - every 6 months to a year I kind of obsess over one particular band. This time it was The Vines and I learned that Craig had AS. I looked up the symptoms and it gave me goosebumps because almost every single one of the symptoms described me and everything I've been struggling with in the past year. For the first time about a year ago, I really started to look at myself from the outside and realized I'm really, really different from everyone around me. (I mean, I always knew this, but it became heightened when I decided to move to California to become an actress and I basically had a huge nervous breakdown that took me about a year to recover from.) I'm not empathetic, I'm awkward and "weird", have trouble reading people, I can't flirt because by the time I realize he was flirting back he's gone!, have horrible coordination, extremely sensitive to sound, touch and light, obsessive interests, can't focus on more than one thing at a time without getting severely frustrated and upset, and have EXTREME trouble with change and not being in control (among other little things).

In fact, it's the last one that makes me want to seek out therapy and testing for it, because even though I've gotten better and can control it better from a few years ago, in ways it's gotten worse...? I'm starting to develop some major OCD problems, and my "tantrums" are sort of more internal now which is really, really hard on myself. And I'm a perfectionist too - I'm always pushing myself, and I push myself often too hard and put myself in situations I can't handle. I'm okay with social interaction (I usually spend time by myself, but when I go to parties or hang out, if I can find someone who likes music I'm usually alright), so I'm not too worried about that - I just worry about having another breakdown.

But I can't afford a specialist, so I'm going to a counselor (he's an intern) at my university, and even though I've only gone for one session I can tell it's not going to work. He just doesn't get it at all. He's really nice and motivated, but I don't think he knows anything about Autism and AS. It wasn't until this session that I realized I can't explain how I feel, which I think makes it hard for him. I don't know - I'm really frustrated right now, because I know my parents aren't going to pay for me to get tested since they never like to admit somethings wrong with me. When I was a kid people would tell them I was kind of off and needed testing, and they'd always ignore it and say no, she's fine! So, whatever, I'm just glad that I found something that describes me and to be here! It's at least nice to be aware that it's just who I am and I need to be more aware of that at times.

Also, I have a question...do Aspies not like reading fiction? Because I'm a poet/fiction writer but I really hate reading unless it's history or science. The only thing I like about literature is how it forms linguistically. I actually used to obsess over various writers not because of the content but because of how they formed and used their words. I can only actually read it when I'm in a class and they can explain what's happening to me.

Welcome Jenny, I'm new here too so I don't know how much weight my welcome will have but hey, I try!

As for fiction / non-fiction, it depends on people. I for one took a lot of time to develop a passion for fiction (and then, mainly sci-fi) but I used to only read reference material about stuff like history, astrophysics, etc. So I can relate with you here, big time. Maybe you'll never get into fiction but one things that clicked for me was discovering authors who had a background in sciences I adore (physics, astronomy, etc) and who set their stories in worlds that reflect their interests, and therefore my own.

I can also relate to you in meeting with a counselor who doesn't have experience in treating / diagnosing Asperger's, it's frustrating when you KNOW what's making you act a certain way but someone tries to convince you otherwise. I say you should read about the subject as much as possible and decide for yourself if you feel this diagnostic reflects who you are.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome Jenny, I am eternity and I am also the new one in this forum. Hope we will have great times in WP.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hi!

That's definitely interesting about your interest for fiction for authors who have science backgrounds. It reminds me of an author I learned about last semester who was obsessed with metaphysics and turning sayings into literal statements. It was definitely interesting - but I can't think of her name. Although, I don't know if that would be something you like, it's just very different.

As far as having AS or not, I don't like claiming I have it totally when I'm not diagnosed with it. But since I started doing research, it has shocked me again and again because of how dead on everything is - every teeny, tiny, little detail. I mean I'm pretty sure it's what I have, but I just want it to be official before I say that.

As far as the counselor, I'm glad someone understands, because it is very frustrating. He kept talking about how normal I seem, but that's when I realized how much he doesn't get it, because most with AS really do seem normal especially as you get older and you adapt to your surroundings. I've thought about showing him an interview where Craig from the Vines was acting pretty normal (probably the only interview I've seen where he wasn't high as a kite) so he understands how normal it is to seem normal with AS, although I don't know if he'd like that. Was it overall just a frustrating experience for you or did it ever get better?

Thanks everyone! I'm really glad to be here.

So far, only a lot of frustration when it comes to the psychologist I saw, however, I am now seeing a social worker who has experience with it and she's trying to refer me to a specialist. And I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to adaptation, I've had to change my behavior significantly, making efforts in every single thing I do in order to act "normal" so when I met the psychologist, he didn't think anything was wrong with me.

His biggest, strongest, smartest argument was "If you had Asperger's, you wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes when you talk to me." Doesn't he get that you can force yourself to do things like that... it's a shame that some therapists can be very close-minded at times, trying to impose their own diagnostics on you before they even know you. And yeah, it's not fun to "claim" having AS when you don't know for sure, the way I do it is that if required, I tell people that I'm in the process of being diagnosed for AS, that way they know what me and the SW think I have without me claiming that it's for sure. Hope this helps!

Hi, welcome to WP. As to your question about fiction, I used to write some fiction and poetry too, but really chidlish stuff. I *hate* reading fiction.

Welcome to the Wrong Planet community, Jenny.

Hi, Jenny. I hope you'll feel at home here.

To WrongPlanet!! !