Hi everyone,
I just happened to stumble across this website, and decided to join.
I am a 19 year old male, with Aspergers, and I come from a land down under (Australia, to be precise). I also come from a forum called Tomb Raider Forums, which is where I "live" online. It is a pleasure to get to know that there is a whole community dedicated to us kinds of people and I look forward to getting to know you all.
Like most of you here, I have had to deal with a difficult social life because of my condition. I can say though, that in recent years I have improved greatly. Let me tell you my story of how Aspergers affected me as a person:
While growing up, I have had to deal with a very difficult, complicated social life which differs from those who appear to be "normal" and adapt to everyday living. I was different; I was a selective mute at school for eight years, and the challenge to overcome this issue was almost impossible.
It began when I was in Kindergarten. I didn't talk much to the people around me, and used to whisper in my teacher's ear to avoid being heard by the other children. At first, it may have been thought that I was just shy, but in fact, in was an autistic tendency. My parents were worried about this behaviour, and had taken me to a specialist. It was then, that I was diagnosed with a mental disability falling along the Autistic spectrum. It was a condition which affected my youth.
I went to a special school for Years 1 and 2. I was actually talking a bit more in Year 1, as there were only four kids in our classroom, so I felt more comfortable in that environment. At the end of Year 1, I went for a holiday in Greece, and I was talking there with all my relatives, but I wouldn't speak any Greek due to my Autism. I had no problem with the language itself. After I came back from Greece, that was when I stopped talking at school completely. It lasted me through all of Year 2, and I had to be transferred into a school for children with Autism. But just because I didn't talk, it doesn't mean that I didn't understand anything. I just felt uncomfortable speaking around others. This in turn, affected my social life. I stayed at this school for a while, until I started to develop further skills. I was transferred to a normal school in Year 3, with the company of an aid. I didn't talk at all, but I still enjoyed it nevertheless. A fair proportion of the time was fairly miserable, as I was bullied a lot, but I became used to it, and couldn't care less. Over time, I was developing a lot better, and I actually made a close friend, who I am still friends with today. There were lots of funny and memorable moments that we had together.
After Primary School, I went to Greece again. This time, I wasn't talking to my relatives at all. It seemed to have become worse. After this, I came back and settled into High School. I still wasn't talking. After Year 8, I was more mature, and realised that I had to start talking sooner or later. This is where I hit a point of depression in my life. I started having the desire to talk. I knew that I had to start sooner or later, because if I didn't, I knew that it would be very hard to do well academically, be happy, and have a good future. It was something I needed to achieve, or else I would have felt very lonely. The challenges were next to impossible. I managed to survive Year 9 without speaking, and then I started to get worried. I thought I was never going to talk.
By Year 10, I was about 15 years old. I had promised my dad that I would talk by this age. He had given me advice on how to start talking, though I wasn't able to succeed. I started to get professional help from a Psychologist. He helped me gain confidence in little steps at a time in order for me to be able to start talking. When I gained more confidence, the psychologist asked me to say "Hi," to my Year Advisers.
So, a few weeks prior to the end of Year 10, I faced this challenge. It was a lunch time, and the Year Adviser was pushing me to talk. I knew I had to get it out, and I could actually feel a little bit of confidence inside me. I knew that I had to try not to walk away from it. As soon as I found that tiny ounce of confidence inside me, I grabbed and held on to it, and pushed myself to talk. It was very hard, and I was very nervous. Eventually, when time decided, I was able to holler the word "Hi," and my body felt like it had been struck by lightning. From then on, I had the confidence to talk to other teachers who asked me to talk to them.
On the day of the Year 10 Formal, I spoke to the School Counsellor and actually got involved into a conversation. It was the next step up, and probably was the trigger for my amount of confidence to rise. Later that day, I came home thinking about the Formal. I got there with a few friends, and we seated ourselves at the table. The party started and we got up to dance. As I got up, one of the guys that used to bully me all the time, Jake, came up to me and made fun of me infront of his girlfriend, telling her that I didn't speak. Boy, they were in for a big surprise. His girlfriend asked me to say "Hi". That's when it happened. I had enough confidence to say "Hi," to her, which resulted in a very surprised reaction from Jake, which caused a chain reaction as he spread the news around the whole Formal. The girl wasn't too surprised, as she didn't know me at all.
Yep. Sure enough, students were coming all around me to hear me talk as Jake continued to spread the news, telling all his friends, and them telling all their friends. People were gathering all around our table, asking me to talk to them, as none of them have ever heard my voice. It was a truly memorable experience for me.
Towards the end of the party, it was time for the awards presentation, with awards such as, best looking boy, best looking girl, etc. I was one who got an award for "Never Shuts Up". It was a sarcastic remark, in which people knew I didn't talk, they used to tell me to shut up. Yeah, it was time for payback. I stood up, went onto the stage and took the award. People sitting at the tables who knew I didn't speak, persuaded me to speak by sarcastic means. They never expected me to grab the microphone, and tell them to shut up. I did that successfully, and it had a great result, which has left me with a very memorable experience that I will never forget. We all partied for the rest of the night, and had a lot of fun dancing. It really is much more fun when you can interact with others verbally. Very importantly, I accomplished this challenge because I believed in myself, as per my signature.
I wish to continue to go on many more journeys, including travelling around the world and meeting people who I know from Tomb Raider Forums. I have already met a few, including one member who I've had a relationship with. We are no longer together though. She didn't exactly approve of my condition. Anyway, getting to travel is something that offers the opportunity for many happy experiences in life. It is my main ambition in life, and I have already travelled quite a bit. I've gone across Australia by train, and next year I'm planning to cross Asia and Europe. Not to mention meeting a few people along the way.
I hope you've enjoyed my story, and I hope it gives you some inspiration, and an idea of what it's like to have lived my kind of life. I am now an independant individual like any other person, and life gets pretty casual. I say all of this with a lot of heart, and I hope that this story will help others who are in similar situations. Do what I did, and believe in yourself. Believe in yourself, and you can accomplish anything.
Saki
07 Aug 2009, 2:34 am
