New here - looking for advice

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Hi everyone,

I'm new here and so far I don't have a diagnosis but I'm hoping you can help. As seems to be common, I recently read an article by an adult with Aspergers and burst into tears because I felt like she was describing my life. After doing lots of research I suspect I may have Aspergers but I'm not sure - it would explain my difficulties, but for the most part I manage and don't seem to be too bad so maybe I'm just normal but lacking a few brain cells? I've contacted a local psychologist who specialises in assessing for Autism/Apsergers but he is not taking new patients and has a mile-long waiting list so I'm trying to figure out if it's worth pursuing. To get a diagnosis would be somewhat of a relief and I think would help me in future, would take away some of my frustration. If you can give me your opinions based on your own experiences I would appreciate it. Over the last few days I've made a list of my traits that I think are Asperger-like:

THE BAD
- I get internally stressed about: talking on the phone to strangers, meeting new people, new situations (need a clear picture in my mind to be comfortable), being touched by strangers (e.g. massages), crowds, unusual foods, too much information/noise, confident people, being late, clutter, dust/dirt, arguments (even among other people), people being made a fool of, ambiguity, planning, odd/tight clothes/shoes, abstraction, budgets. When I say internally stressed, I don't let it show but I feel my stress levels rise. I had panic attacks a few years ago and was told I'm a Highly Sensitive Person and that I have Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome - neither of which I now agree with.
- Need to know the hows of everything and follow the rules - grammar, spelling, punctuation, road laws, manners, technique (I teach dance)
- I order/group collections - books, magazines, clothes, kitchenware, etc.
- Talk WAY too much in social situations - don't know when to stop, can't tell when people have had enough and always on my favourite topics (usually dance)
- If I'm not talking about myself, I don't know how to act - eye contact, where to put my hands, etc.
- Can't talk about directions/distances/places without drawing lines in the air/on a table or pointing - I hardly notice I'm doing it
- Very slow to get sarcasm/irony/dry humour though I love plays on words/puns
- Must plan EVERYTHING
- Trouble hearing when there's background noise (TV, restaurants) but hearing tests are good, always jump at sudden noises and hear small sounds
- Never know how to console people or to react when they're sick/injured
- Bad dreams or sad/scary movies affect me for days
- Was a loner as a child, preferred Lego and computer games to my sister's dolls, pulled my toys apart to see how they worked. I also was obsessed with a few interests - horses, computers, dance, music and collecting things. Was teased occasionally, had few friends except a couple of good ones but was otherwise ok - we moved around a lot and I was very shy at school but I learned how to adjust. Had a couple of boyfriends as a teen but all of them were geeks and started out as friends - I avoided them all at first, but I did have crushes.
- Quite clumsy, always tripping/dropping things - my husband used to call me The Klutz, though not any more (not sure if it's because I am not so bad or he just doesn't want to hurt me)
- Even though I have a large vocabulary I talk with a small range of words and stutter/pause a lot, especially in social situations/when teaching/when excited
- terrible short-term memory
- Visual thinker - I don't learn by hearing but by seeing (not necessarily bad but when given instructions at work that are abstract, I have no idea what to do), took notes for everything at uni and sometimes photocopied them for friends
- Allergies and gluten-intolerance (I've heard that's significant at least with autism)
- I get very depressed when I'm bored for more than a few hours (rarely happens!)

THE GOOD
- High IQ
- Married (I am SURE my husband is OCD, which makes for some interesting "discussions")
- Successful career - great with computers (I currently have 3 jobs - running my own web design business, teaching dance to kids & adults and a contract as a user interface expert)
- Quick at learning music/languages
- Terrible creativity but good at mimicking
- My parents put me in dance from an early age so I can move my body pretty well. I now teach. Could never have become a dancer as I get nervous on stage and forget steps.
- Though I'm socially a bit awkward I manage and I don't think I stand out too much. I have lots of friends but still none I see very regularly, mostly I see my husband's friends.
- My friends know me as very passionate about everything I do

Sorry that was such a long list, but it was good to get it out, even if no-one replies! What I'm most concerned about is my abilities as a teacher, particularly teaching little kids. I find it very hard to read them and don't notice things like when they are not in uniform, but I love teaching, I don't want to stop. By the way, I'm 30 years old and have an autistic nephew.

Thanks
ozzie_girl

Hi Ozzie Girl. I'm new here too.

As for the diagnosis, I'm not diagnosed either, but I don't feel it's necessary for me. I can access the same kind of supportive programs with my adhd diagnosis. I hope this doesn't come off as me trying to discourage you from seeking diagnosis if that's what you want to do.

I'm new here also...

I thought "me too!" quite loudly after almost every item on your list. I am also as yet undiagnosed but my wife and I are pretty certain about it. I used to think I might have OCPD since that also triggers a whole lot of "me too" when I read about it, but Asperger's really makes more sense the more I learn about it.

I don't tend to talk too much, it feels too awkward so I opt for a more shy/silent/observer stance in most social situations. I do however TYPE, far and away, way too much - people hate getting emails from me. You can probably see as much from this post.

I didn't know gluten intolerance was connected, I've wondered why oatmeal and certain whole grain bread and various other things have always bothered me so much and I just figured it was an unrelated digestive quirk or slight allergy. I'll have to read more about that, thanks for the clue!

I can't stand the sound of the brushing of teeth, it's sort of like nails on a chalkboard to me, and even elicits physical tooth pain sometimes even though I can't remember ever actually having pain when brushing my teeth, especially to where it would have formed a more normal aversion. OMG, those TV commercials for tooth care products (I forget whose or what) from a little while back, with the musical riff made from tooth brushing sounds, made me writhe in agony or run for the hills, with my fingers in my ears!

In the shower, I can't handle hot water nor cold water it has to be lukewarm (I call it "hot", my wife calls it "cold" - she's probably more accurate) and getting in swimming pools commonly accepted as "perfect" temperature seem shockingly cold to me, and I can't really do the jumping all at once thing, sometimes it feels like my heart will explode from the sensory overload if I do try that method. Mostly the same with food, "hot" coffee seems like napalm to me, and where I think it's just perfectly "hot" others think it's pretty close to clammy.

I think I have some of the same "internally stressed" things, but I'd describe it more as nearly overwhelming frustration than generic stress. I have pretty good control over it unless I'm tired, in which case I seem very very "cranky" towards others, even if they did nothing specifically to deserve it.

An extension of the "rules" thing, I also have a very strong tendency to turn everything into "binary logic" where it's either all or nothing. I used to think that was just from years of programming and general computer use, since those are very true or false, 1 or 0 - cold logic machines - but now Asperger's makes more sense. It's so deep and natural and nearly uncontrollable, it doesn't make sense that it could be from simple occupational conditioning. It sneaks out a lot and makes me seem passive-aggressive to others, such as if I am doing something one way and someone comments that there could be a better way, I'll very purposely do it the completely opposite way just to blatantly prove that my way was better - even though there's probably about a thousand minor variations in between that are likely what they meant, all I can see is "one way or the other" in a very binary view. It's not so much that I can't be wrong, it's more just that I had to pick "A" or "B", and I picked "A" as the better of the two, even though the suggestion did not automatically mean "B". This is highly pervasive, it shows up in all my decision making and even conversation parsing. Some have said I "put words in their mouth" by assuming too much while parsing their dialog, but to me it seems like that was literally what they said or meant.

I used to severely dislike horror movies or "tear jerkers" like you mention and for the same reasons, but the more I watch them now it's not so bad - my wife loves horror movies. I think I just disconnect now as a coping reaction, so that makes it more tolerable, yet still not fully enjoyable. I used to have a very specific thing about aliens, especially "greys", like any of those "Unsolved Mysteries" type shows or X-Files with sketches or other graphic depictions of them would give me the willies for days - now it just does it for a couple hours, or just for that night I might have trouble getting the images and thoughts out of my head, and I can mostly calm myself down. I actually "screamed like a girl" (my friends' description) during the movie "Signs" at the scene with the subtle silhouette of the alien on the roof of the barn - and that wasn't even apparently that scary to anyone else. At least we were watching it at home and not in a public venue.

Maybe some of these also strike a chord with you, and you just didn't notice them yet. Anyway, I am no doctor but I'd agree with your self-diagnosis... welcome to the Wrong Planet. I think I'll like it here as well.

Hi ozzie_girl

Welcome to WP.

You have compiled quite a list. Some seem quite AS while others (for me at least) appear to be something else. Of course, there is a lot of variation with AS. So, not everyone had exactly the same indicators.

I have had a formal diagnosis but had to wait months for an appointment. I went to Minds & Hearts in Brisbane. They are associated with Tony Attwood (the Australian guru on this topic).

You could take an online AQ (Autism Quotient) test. I did that while I was waiting for the appointment and it agreed pretty well with the formal one I did for the assessment. I scored 47/50 (pretty much certain if over 32/50) while my wife scored 3/50. So, that may be a place to start.

Here is a link to the test I took. It is associated with Maxine Aston (a British guru).

http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/research/AQ.pl

Sensory overload seems very common as is talking too long about a favourite topic and NOT noticing that people are no longer listening. We aren't very good at picking up subtle social cues. Empathy (or lack of it) is also a good indicator.

There are quite a lot of books available too (if you know where to look).

I hope this helps in a small way.

David

Thanks everyone for your feedback and welcome. It's a relief to "talk" to people who understand.

Spudz, I agree about the dichotomous view of things - I've had to learn that there are shades of grey (and I never thought about it being because of learning binary logic - I started teaching myself how to program when I was 9). I've also had to learn by lots of observation how to dress, do my hair/makeup etc. to fit in. I know what you mean about Signs - as stupid as it sounds that movie really scared me the first time I watched it, though I don't get scared by the usual horror movies; I cannot watch movies about the end of the world/global disasters as they give me nightmares for days. Don't even bother watching Cloverfield, I had nightmares and flashbacks for weeks! I also type way too much, in case you hadn't noticed.

DavidF, thanks for the link. I did the AQ test and got 43 and I thought I was being conservative.

I might try and get myself on the waiting list for assessment and see how I go, I'm in Melbourne so Minds and Hearts is too far away. I haven't even mentioned this to my husband yet, I think he already thinks I'm a hypochondriac, which I'm not. A diagnosis would probably impact my family because my sister is similar to me but also different (she's the mother of my autistic nephew) and it would help explain things to my family - especially the in-laws (e.g. why I am sometimes seem "shy" and other times not at all).

Ozzie_girl

A pleasure to welcome you to the Wrong Planet community, ozzie_girl.

There were a few other tests I found and took in addition to the AQ, they backed up the AQ result and some were severe. Most of these have two scoring methods, a weighted one and a non-weighted, you need to note which score you need for each to compare with the scales he was able to compile.

homepage dot mac dot com slash lpetrich slash Asperger slash Index dot html
(sorry for the obfuscated address but I don't have 5 posts yet so it won't let me do real links yet due to spam reduction efforts)

AQ, I got 39/50 - fairly obvious AS of some kind
EQ (empathy), I got 10/40 - almost the bottom end of the Aspie range!
FQ (friendship), I got 28/135 - below the bottom end of Aspie (but I still have friends?)
SQ (systematic), I got 55/80 - somewhere between normal male and Aspie
SQ-R (systematic revised), I got 92/150 - well into the Aspie range

My wife scored normal on them all, even toward the opposite end of normal on most. In the empathy test I found the questions about animals/pets vs humans to be quite telling - I always felt tons more empathy toward animals than toward people but I never thought it was a sign of anything other than I just really like animals. But it's almost reversed for me, if I hear of a pet having died or been put down it affects me quite a lot (even ones I wasn't very close to or familiar with), but when I hear the same of a person (even relatively close ones) it barely phases me other than a material feeling of loss.

The AQ test I originally found and took was the one from Wired magazine, I just took it because I was bored, before I even considered I might have Asperger's.

Welcome.

If you relate to the patterns people talk about here, then you can probably benefit from the insights.

I learned a new word: 'mildie" for someone who has a lot of aspie characteristics but not to the extent that they would be considered 'impairments'. I think there is still the different brain wiring, and special adaptations of work-arounds.

Taking the tests and discovering this site were transformational for me.

Spudz76, thanks for the link. For interest, here are my results:
• AQ: Autism Quotient How close to autistic are you? 44 (normal max = 26)
• EQ: Empathy Quotient How sensitive to others' emotions are you? 17 (normal min 26)
• FQ: Friendship and Relationship Quotient How concerned are you with these? 51 (normal f min 74)
• SQ: Systematizing Quotient How systematic are you? 37 (normal max 34)
• SQ-R: Revised version of SQ With a broader range of questions 86 (normal f max 70)
I also tend to feel more empathy for animals than people. I'm completely unsympathetic when my husband is sick, which is rare, but that's probably because he turns into a little baby for the slightest cold

Thanks JetLag!

duke666, I guess that makes me a "mildie" then - though I've had 30 years to train myself out of some of my natural behaviours.

Thanks for your support everyone. I'm kind of relieved to learn more about my own behaviour though I won't be comfortable saying that I'm an "aspie" without an official diagnosis.