I need to eat something. This will be long.
My name is Jacob, although McNerd will do, considering we're online and all. I've suspected Asperger's for about a year, maybe a bit more. I have epilepsy too. I've suspected i've had epilepsy all my life, but only because i do not remember my childhood, and my seizures typically cause memory loss. I told my dad about a seizure i had in my early teens, and began a medicinal regimen shortly after convincing him that although i was not flailing about, i was indeed having seizures. My memory slowly fades in from there as i find more effective medicines and doses.
The vast majority of my seizures were/are caused environmental inconsistency. I learned this because the first pattern i noticed was walking into stores would trigger seizures almost every time. I would be in a car with AC on, get out into heat, then to the cool store. I only noticed these patterns once i began medicine, both because it allowed me to form the memories needed to notice patterns, and there were fewer seizures overall. The several overlapping patterns suddenly simplified. I learned that nearly any environmental/sensory fluctuation could cause this. Currently, my seizures are 90% controlled.
Enter Aspie's. Boston Legal is how i learned of this disorder. After years of VERY stressful acting, and wondering, i realized that my feelings and behavior has been in vain. Doing my best to Act the way they want me to, and wondering why it is so hard... I read up on Asperger's, told myself "Hey, that's me" and didn't think much more of it. Until later, anyways.
I realized that, as i grew to understand my epilepsy and what caused it, i was able to overcome it in a way that was significant to me. I still take medication, sure, but i understand what circumstances will and will not cause seizures, and i know when i am going to have one. A lot of the time, i get a feeling, and take an extra Tegretol, and the seizure does not happen.
I realized i needed to understand Asperger's, and apply that knowledge to my everyday life BEFORE i could stop feeling so negatively about things. Negativity helps NOTHING.
OK that's the boring part. I've taken the AQ and EQ tests, several times. I average about 40 on the AQ and 10 on the EQ. I was surprised, because every time i take them i am conservative and think "wow... this is just going to tell me i'm normal..." But alas... It's telling me otherwise.
I've run through the AAA by Baron Cohen. The only "disagree" i have on the entirety of the AAA is section B question 3, regarding tics/etc. Then again, i am on anticonvulsants. I do have fairly constant, small muscle jerks in my arms, legs, face, and even my torso area. These are only felt, and not visible to the eye.
I want an official diagnosis, though. I have a hard time dealing with certain situations that arise in the workplace... I end up bottling it up because i keep telling myself to just deal with it rather than approach anyone. I've quit every job i've ever had (4 or so) with no notice. I would go to work feeling fine... But once i get there, i'd have so much stress and fear in me... One stupid decision on my part is all it would take, and i'd just tell them i quit, and run outside where there are no people, no noise, no judgment or stress. This was before i heard about Asperger's. Since then, i've been unemployed, and as far as i can tell, unemployable. No one is going to even interview me with my work history.
Whatever... I'm rambling at this point. Believe me, this post has no semblance of what i had in mind for my first post.
PS i live in omaha nebraska and am looking for a low- or no-cost location to get my official diagnosis.
14 Aug 2009, 8:26 pm
Welcome to WP!
