Proud Parent of an Aspie! Newbie

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Hello, My name is Marilyn also known as Calebsmom. Im new here so I thought I would introduce myself. Im glad I found this site. Im hoping it will help with some of the issues that Caleb and I face. As a parent there are times when Im not sure how to handle certain situations. Although, after 13yrs and just now finding out that my son is an aspie it does explain alot of things. He has some small tics, sometimes not being verbal, social situations, anxiety and I can go on but now I know there are people to help me with some of these things to make his life better and tolerable. I have learned a few things over the years and thank goodness they were the right choices for him. Well, Im a chatter box so I will just say Hi and nice to get to know you all.

Marilyn-calebsmom

Welcome to WrongPlanet, calebsmom!

Thanks Maddino87

Hi and Welcome Marilyn,

I'm sure you'll find a lot of answers on WP.

Is your son on medication? I only ask because we found that when our son's ritalin dose was too high we noticed tics. We reduced the dose and the tics went too.

Hello.

"Hi," Marilyn, and welcome aboard the Wrong Planet.

reply to qbollard,

No my son is not on any meds. His tics are more like habits to me. He taps on things constantly sometimes to the point of annoyance. I have to say his name in a stern voice sometimes to get him to stop. Sometimes I feel he should be on an anti-depressant for the high anxiety issues he has but so far I'm able to calm him down when he lets me. We have learned that if he goes to his room and listens to some calming music it helps. He also wears his I-Pod all the time. I think thats a way for him to block out things that bother him. Any how, I have rambled again. Oh, can anyone tell me the difference between AS and High functioning Autism? One doctor says he is high functioning and another says AS. Thanks.

Hi, Marilyn. Welcome to WP.

Ok, that clears things up.

1. He doesn't have tics, he's stimming. There's a difference. Here's a couple of articles I wrote to explain stimming;
What is Stimming and What does it feel like?
Visual Stimming: Why your child with Aspergers is Pulling Faces

2. I'd be very wary of anti-depressants because most tend to have some nasty side-effects. Depression is a normal part of aspergers.

3. Your observations on the use of the IPod are very astute and probably correct.

4. The difference between AS and HFA used to be that HFA carried a language delay while AS did not. It's been demonstrated over time however that proper early intervention can remove that language delay entirely. In the latest revision of the diagnostic criteria, AS and HFA are considered to be the same thing.

5. You're not rambling and any questions you have are perfectly welcome.

Thank you Gavin. Alot of what you said makes sense.

Do you have any suggestions on how to help him with his anxiety issues? Examples of these are; A month before school starts, he gets really upset to the point of pacing his bedroom floor and sometimes crying. While doing this he is trying to rationalize a way to get out of going to school. Another is when he misses school due to being sick. He gets all anxious and wants his school work NOW so he doesn't fall behind.

Another quirky thing he does, when he is given a homework assignment, and it is a worksheet, he insists on re-typing everything on his lap top to make it the way he thinks is alot more presentable and of course he puts his answers in there too. Some of his teachers thought is was pretty cool but some don't like it. I have been allowing him to do this for 4 years now. It makes his homework sessions less stressful.

Thanks for all your input.

Marilyn (calebsmom)

I'm glad you're here.

I was always incredibly anxious about my schoolwork, and I don't know why. My parents never fussed at me about school.
It's one reason I homeschooled my sons.

Welcome to WrongPlanet. There's a lot of things to learn, and they can be confusing. I've actually recently started a series of Youtube videos aimed at parents. I suggest you check them out because there's a few things parents really need to know that may not be obvious: http://www.youtube.com/user/WardenWolf

Marilyn,

This suggests to me that there is an issue relating to school. You should try to find out what it is. Given his age, he's too old to be treated like a child, so instead, the best thing to do is to "level with him". By this, I mean take him out somewhere where just the two of you can talk. Get him a coffee or something else that will make him feel a little adult and just have a chat. Stop being a parent for a little while and be a buddy (don't take him anywhere where his schoolmates might see him).

Talk to him about your childhood, share some memories about going to school, particularly times when you didn't like going or when you had "friend problems". Then slowly bring the conversation around to, "sometimes I feel like you're nervous about going back to school..." see if you can draw him out (without 20 questions). The problem could be related to his classmates, self-esteem or a variety of other things. You can't even think about fixing the problem until you know what it is.



I remember all that sort of stress too. There's not much you can do about it - just find ways of helping him get ready for the next day.



You've been doing the right thing - and you're a very good mom.

Caleb obviously has a particular framework that he likes to use. This is ok. Some teachers will like it - and some will penalise for it.

There's nothing you can do about the teachers - just make sure that he realises that it's about them - not him.

I lost a lot of marks at school and would frequently go from straight A's to C's and back again depending on who was marking my work. In the end, provided that you're able to complete the work correctly, and within the time limits, it doesn't matter.

In Caleb's case, it's more important for him to be less stressed when he does the work than it is to satisfy the whims of a single teacher.

Thanks Gavin, I try to be as supportive and helpful as I can.

Im pretty sure I now the reason for the stress before school starts and it has alot to do with people treat him so different. He is different in his reactions to things and he has his way of doing things and sometimes it throws people for a loop if they don't know him. I just try to explain to him that there is nothing wrong with him and the people that treat him this way or that are stand offish towards him just need to get to know him and they will see he's just as wonderful and can be helpful in ways that others can't. This is my opinion of my son and if people see him for who he is instead of seeing his blank looks and not looking them in the eye and thinking that there is something seriously wrong with him...his life would go so much smoother.

Marilyn (calebsmom)

A couple of ideas:

1. Talk to him in a more adult way than you would other people his age, even he seems to be acting childish. He probably things about things in a different way, but one that makes perfect sense.

2. Work with him to come up with a simple explanation of his different 'brain wiring'. Also, make sure his teachers understand it. Most people will adjust and be understanding. Don't think of it in terms of 'impairments'.

3. Does Caleb have a friend? Just one, and not necessarily a very good one. A friend can be a key to helping him relax.

4. Make sure he knows that he is exactly who he is supposed to be.