new and overwhelmed (sorry this is long)

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hay guys

I was diagnosed with aspergers about 3 weeks ago. I originally sought and acquired an ADHD diagnosis. apparently the severe lack of eye contact tipped off the psychologist to the AS. I'm sure that ADD questionnaire that he had me fill out also helped him to arrive at this conclusion, particularly the question about how many relationships I've been in and I answered with none. I'm 30.

my whole life I've had people tell me "oh you'll find someone" this and "you'll find someone" that. haha, yeah right! It drives me insane that it's so easy for other people. my whole life I've had dudes (oh yeah i'm a chick also, but ugly and fat, so don't even waste your time, lol.) tell me that they'd like to do this and that, I always seem to have guys think that I'd be okay for just a roll in the hay but that's all. I would like a real relationship, dammit. there is a guy right now who shows signs of interest here and there but generally he's been harder to read than a goddam chinese newspaper, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do to light a fire under his bottom because I fail so hard at this sort of thing.
I'm working on the fat thing btw, between my highly physical job and heading to the gym. getting the ADHD treated is really nice because it gives me the kick in the butt I need to get to the gym on a regular basis (appetite suppression really helps too). this week I have been averaging walking 8+ miles a day. I'm tired. :-p Can't do anything about being ugly unfortunately though short of plastic surgery.

what else is there? let's see, my whole life I've always felt different, never really had a handle on why though. my parents always told me i was soooo gifted and I had my IQ tested at the age of 5 they had me believing I was too smart for my own good or whatever, apparently I'm 'above average' but I definitely ain't no einstein. I couldn't tie my shoes until I was in 3rd grade (apparently that could have been an aspergers sign). always had trouble with empathy and the whole 'pointing out objects of interest to other people' as well as being happy for others. For example, one of my best friends at work is almost 40 years old and he's nailing this chick half his age and they're planning on getting married. he has her name tattooed across his stomach. they both seem very happy and I should be happy for him because he is my friend, but at the same time all I can think about is what a dumbass he is and how she's gonna get bored of his old ass, and it pisses me off to hear about how happy they are. I wish I could just give them the benefit of the doubt or whatever. hopefully that does work out. lol. I think I also harbor a little resentment because I remember thinking he was attractive when I first met him and we got pretty close :-\ but hey look at this young hot thing he's nailing, what does he want with an old fat sack of crap like me? Especially being as awkward as i am. I try to take comfort in the fact that I have this mental condition that renders me basically undateable, because for the past 30 years I believed I was too fat, or ugly, or manly (I have the butchest job any woman ever had really, it suits me very well) or too whatever. it doesn't help though. I see some people on this forum or other aspergers discussion sites that have good relationships. but I see plenty of others that are in the same boat as me and it doesn't really make me feel any better.

Sorry to ramble, that's what I get for drinking after work tonight I guess. I should head to bed now so I can get up early and go to the gym and work some overtime and stuff. hopefully I can get on this board more often and read more real life experiences about aspergers (i try to go to the library and read books, but it's very tough with the ADHD. I definitely need a higher dose of adderall, LOL.) and learn more about the condition and maybe learn more about myself or whatever.

Hi loko.

Welcome to WrongPlanet! I'm sure you will find this place warm and welcoming. In fact, this is the Right Planet for many people with Aspergers and ADHD! Keep making posts and keep us updated. Or you can lurk for a while and get familiar with how things work.

Wish you all the best.

cool, thanks for the reply, i appreciate it

You're welcome.

It can be very overwhelming during the first few weeks/months after receiving the diagnosis. You will have a lot to learn, but don't think of Aspergers as a bad thing. When you are feeling down, The Haven discussion board is always there for you. If you want to know more about the condition, here it is, General Autism Discussion.

Glad that you found out about WrongPlanet. Enjoy your time on here, I promise, it is very addicting!

I see three things in the OP:
fat;
ugly;
internalizing other people's bulls**t attitudes.

The weight loss thing got me thinking, so I started a new thread. I won't go into it here.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt106191.html

Concerning the idea of being ugly, that's bulls**t. The physical features of the face are not really what makes people seem ugly. Ok, there's the world-class beauty queen range, and at the other end are people who have something really wrong, like a big scar or something. Other than that, most people are somewhere in the middle. It's subjective. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

The biggest part of being attractive is more about how you carry yourself, and how you let others treat you. Like animals, if they sense any doubt, any hesitation, they'll be on you like a pack of wild dogs. If you have the chutzpa to walk around like you think you're god's gift, they'll fall for it.

Another part of beauty is in what's familiar. They say that the most beautiful woman in the world is someone who looks the way your mother did when you were a baby. That was most likely your starting point. People who have had an impact on your life since then probably pulled your notions of beauty one way or another. Someone who I think is really weird looking at first becomes attractive when I get to know him/her and discover a nice person in there.

My fifteen-year-old daughter is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. They say she looks like me but, of course, I don't see it. I'm sure she looks like other relatives, too.

Clothes, hair and make-up don't really make you look that much better, but they can make you feel like you've done something, so you sit up better and smile prettier...

Also, depending on where you go and who's around, it's part of the uniform. If you play the stupid games and look like everyone else, it creates an illusion that makes people happy.
I don't want to think too hard about the stupidity of it all. It works, so go with it.

i'm seriously depriving myself of sleep here (or exercise in the morning should i elect to sleep in and skip the gym, which i really don't want to do after the crap i ate and the beer i drank today, lol)

but i wanted to just say that I can totally relate to what you said about attractiveness. from my life's experience it seems most dudes have a pretty general idea of what they find attractive, and it doesnt seem to be me :-p. I dont pay attention to chicks so I dont know what they find attractive, but (and I saw a thread about this somewhere on here, lol) i generally fall for these older unavailable men. I mean overall, once I get to really know somebody, regardless of looks (if theres some sort of connection there) I'll find him attractive. the person I'm most attracted to at the moment is 20+ years older than me and has a face that my friend describes as a catchers mitt. I dont see it though, lol. and I know the guy has stupid game simply due to his track record.

so yeah I know about all that. it really doesnt help that I cut all my hair off recently. (and donated it to locks of love for what its worth) a lot of people have come up to me and told me how much they like me with short hair and having a manual labor job where i sweat like a diabetic in calcutta, it's a lot easier overall. I just feel EXTRA butch with the new do though... even if it is so much easier... i miss my stupid ponytail, for what its worth.

i'll reply in depth later, i may have even more posts to reply to then. but I need sleep in a bad way and I'm gonna be hurtin tomorrow. 12 hour shift. hopefully i can fall asleep. blargh. I even took my adderall earlier than usual tonite, I think I'm just wound up due to having a crappy day and also I ran into the aforementioned guy that may or may not have feelings for me and he always leaves me feeling confused or whatever.

Hello, and welcome greetings to the WP neighborhood, loko.

congrats for the diagnosis btw!

thanks guys. sorry I don't get on here too much because I am so busy with work lately. might as well make all the money I can while the overtime is available.

yeah I'm glad to have a diagnosis, it explains so much and it's nice to know what the reason is for being 30 years old and never having a relationship (among many other things, lol). something I'd really like to work on someday, I'm pretty sure it's going to require counseling, and I've never had good luck with therapists or psychiatrists (the psychologist who dx'd me was really awesome though) so i'm a little hesitant but it's going to be necessary someday i'm afraid.