New member, and really needing advice : )

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Hi all : ) My name is Sarah.

I'm happy to find this site and after reading for a bit, it seems like a nice place to be.

This is my first post, I am hoping that I can get some of you guys' opinions on whether I should go see a dr. to possibly be diagnosed with Asperger's. I would really really appreciate it a lot... In a way I am kind of hoping that a doctor would tell me I do have it, because it would do wonders in explaining so many difficulties I've had my whole life, which have really confused me and been very hard for me. The reason I haven't gone to a dr. about it yet is that I feel very discouraged about doctors. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I really feel that it is a wrong diagnosis. There are many things about it that don't fit. I have a very hard time explaining myself to doctors..

So I guess I should explain a little bit about myself, and see what you guys think. I'll try to keep it as short as I can..I'm afraid it might be a little long and I'm sorry about that.

Starting really young I had a lot of problems growing up - I had extreme anxiety and panic attacks nightly and would panic until I got sick. I had a big problem with seat belts across my stomach and pants touching my stomach, maybe more like a phobia, although I don't now. In school, I never did adjust to being there, and would freak out and cry for my mom, and my mom started home schooling me. That's another story altogether because I didn't actually receive any home schooling.

One of my favorite activities was searching the alley behind our house for fossils, and I would do that for hours, even into the night with a flashlight in the middle of winter. There really wasn't any getting me to come inside because it would keep my anxiety at bay. There were some things that I wanted to do all the time, I found them very relaxing, like building elaborate lincoln log villages. I had some friends my age but I never really felt normal, and got into trouble when I was still in school for spacing out and not listening. All I wanted to do was draw all the time. I used to get teased as the kid who constantly picked at her fingers and figitted. I still constantly bite my lip and can't seem to quit.

In my teen years, I wasn't in school, only had a few friends, and had a hard time keeping up with them. It was just too hard to go do stuff when I wasn't feeling particularly brave or sociable because I had a hard time being around people because I wasn't like them. I never could dance...and liked sports but was sometimes too clumsy to play them in school.

One thing that is particularly hard for me is to go into a large store alone. I usually take a cell phone and call my mom, because if I can have the phone up to my ear and concentrate on the conversation, and can't look around (because I have the phone to my ear) then I can get in and out easier without getting very overwhelmed. I really dislike the brightness of stores and the noise. For a lack of a better way to explain it, it all overwhelms me to where I feel extremely disoriented and get really clumsy. Movie theaters with loud, fast paced movies have an effect on me that it's almost like I'm drunk. I leave the theater stumbling around and feeling really embarrassed. I take online classes partly for this reason, too, because I can't deal with the classrooms.

When I meet new people, or even if they're not new and I don't know them well, people often mistake me for being rude or aloof or distant. I can't really blame them, but I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I don't know what to say, so I can't look at them and avoid talking to them, even if I really like them. When someone asks me a question, I get kind of stuck and don't know what to say. I can make eye contact but I'm usually really uncomfortable about it.

I don't have a very wide variety of interests, at least at the same time. I usually spend all my energy thinking and researching about something or a few things, until I get tired of them. I have a horrible concept of time...I'll lose hours reading about things on the net..or just lost in my thoughts. I wouldn't say that I have horrible balance in general, I'm just clumsy and can seem really air-headed, but I can't stand with my eyes closed without holding onto something.

I absolutely can't do math. Science, too. Every other subject I can ace even though I never went to high school. It's extremely hard to actually focus/concentrate on homework though. Sometimes it drives me to tears just trying to comprehend the information I need to remember, because my thoughts race so fast all the time. I absolutely cannot fill out forms for things like bills, and end up begging my mother for help with them. I get very overwhelmed and confused. A lot of the time my thoughts are racing, and I tend to have songs stuck in my head all the time which is very annoying. Some days I get really overwhelmed and confused, and eventually have a melt down because I don't know how I am ever going to get anywhere in life. I've been told that I'm very smart, but my life is kind of a mess. I've also been told that I'm very naieve, and I usually end up being the entertainment or the joke to everyone (even if it's good natured).

I sometimes take things too literal....I respond to jokes somethings without realizing it, don't really know how to joke around with people I don't know well. I see too many of the details in everything, have a hard time seeing the bigger picture, and have a hard time making decisions because of it. I have been accused by friends of "blowing guys off," like responding to their flirting and then blowing them off. The fact is, I don't think I'm flirting at all, I'm only trying to be friendly, and don't understand that they're flirting. (I'm 23,...I realize I should understand these things by now)...

Thanks a lot to anyone who read this - I really appreciate it. Sorry about it being so long...I had a hard time shortening it.

~Sarah

I'd say from what i've read that you are aspie and don't worry about doctors, it took me a few doctors before i got diagnosed at a very good meddical center in my hometown by a group of professionals.

That's the trouble with aspergers - the explanations the normals give you don't make sense because of the missing piece(s) in your understanding. You don't know that, because you've already believed the one they fed you about us all being the same. That's not paranoia you're feeling - it's sound good sense. Unfortunately, treating it as paranoia sets in motion a train of consequences.

Repeat, varied as necessary, across the spectrum of things that can be diagnosed and "treated".

If where you live has an education system that cares about people being left behind, there may be some value in getting a real diagnosis. There may be things you can learn or do that'll give you better chances in life. It's a rough world out there, and we need all the chances we can get.

At least knowing you're in the dark makes better sense than thinking that's the way it's supposed to be. There's a starting point there.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi Sarah, welcome to WP. You're welcome here regardless of diagnosis.

Does there exist something like second opinion in yoru country/state? In the Netherlands, if you disagree with a doctors'diagnosis, treatment proposal, etc., you can aks for a referral to another doctor to give a second opinion on the issue. The doctor is required to refer you. So you could ask the doctor who diagnosed yoru BPD for a referral for second opinion, and try to find a doctor with some knowledg eof AS (you can't generally get a ref to an AS specialist through this procedure I think, but someone with some knwoeldge of AS might give an indicaiton of whethter you have it or not). Of course I'm not sure about insurance or whatever, since your system may be very different from the Dutch one.

Greetings, Sarah, and welcome to the Wrong Planet community.

Thank you guys so much for the warm welcomes and helpful replies : ) It really helps a lot. I feel a lot more confident about what I should do now...and also really relieved. I'm really glad I found this site!

I think I will print out the post that I typed and take it to the doctor I used to see and maybe she could give me a referral. It's really hard for me to explain to doctors what goes on in my head, but maybe if they read what I typed that would be a good start.

Thanks so much everyone!!

Hi Sarah

In the UK it's very difficult to get a diagnosis if you are a mature adult. I think they take the view that if you've survived so long without a diagnosis/support then you don't need it.

I DO need it. Being told I have Asperger's would be a relief. It would make sense of the problems I've had all my life and would take away the guilt I've always felt about being 'different'.

It definately sounds like you have AS to me. Low social skills, overwhelmed by information and senses, obsessive interest, taking things literally. I think that's enough for a diagnosis, under the DSM criteria.

Strangely, I was browsing the general discussion forum of posts of a few days ago when I replied to this, yet it turns up on this forum for a post that was last posted on over a month ago. Either that or I've gone mad...

Welcome to WP!