10 Feb 2006, 9:52 pm
Okay, here goes...
On another forum, with a completely different focus, there was some discussion of Asperger's Syndrome. And I was intrigued enough to do some further reading.
A little about myself first. I'm 43, single (never married), and live alone. I have a job I like, one that pays well enough that I can maintain my own home (as in own, not rent) and do a lot of the stuff I like to do. And I got an "Exceeds expectations" on my last performance review at work. I work for one of the local public utility companies, in the department that handles written correspondence, inquiries that arrive via postal mail, fax, and e-mail; I get to research inquiries and write letters in response, taking advantage of my written-communication skills. Which suits me fine, as I communicate better in writing than I do verbally. It's a good company to work for. But I've also always been a social misfit. Even at work, I'm not really part of the "gang" -- sometimes I get the feeling they put up with me because I do good work and can be counted on to help out when needed.
Anyway, doing some browsing about Asperger's, I found one site that had a list of characteristics of Asperger's. (http://www.aspennj.org/WhatIsAS.html) And the list sent cold chills down my spine:
- "Extreme difficulty in developing age-appropriate peer relationships. (e.g. AS children may be more comfortable with adults than with other children)." -- I was always like that when I was a kid.
- "Inflexible adherence to routines and perseveration." -- I'm not inflexible, but I do like routine; I have a high tolerance for tasks that some people may find repetitive. And I do dislike sudden, abrupt change. Perhaps more so than others. I'll have the same thing for lunch every day of the week, and the same supper for days on end (not the same as what I had for supper).
- "Fascination with maps, globes, and routes." -- As a kid, I loved maps. I still do -- I even send away for roadmaps from other provinces and states (I'm in western Canada). I also have a peculiar fondness for looking at maps of subway and LRT (Light Rail Transit) systems.
- "Superior rote memory." -- Mind like a steel trap for trivia.
- "Preoccupation with a particular subject to the exclusion of all others. amasses many related facts." -- Science fiction, old movies, and urban rail-based mass-transit systems are my particular obsessions, though I do have broad-ranged interests. Call this a weak "hit".
- "Difficulty judging personal space, motor clumsiness." -- While I don't seem to have personal space issues, I was really uncoordinated as a kid. I could never master basic skills such as skating or riding a bicycle, for instance.
- "Difficulty understanding others’ feelings." -- I am completely and totally clueless when it comes to other people's feelings. (I've always defined it as having a lack of empathy.)
- "Extreme difficulty reading and/or interpreting social cues." -- A major problem when I was younger, but I did eventually learn some of the necessary skills as an adult.
- "Socially and emotionally inappropriate responses." Same as previous entry. I come across as emotionally restrained, figuring that if I suppress any and all responses, I won't show anything inappropriate.
- "Extensive vocabulary. Reading commences at an early age (hyperlexia)." -- I am told I was reading at age 3. I remember being the only kid in my Kindergarten class who could read. And I am told that in grade 1 I tested as reading at the grade-3 level.
- "Marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as: eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction." -- Moved this one to the end. Again, a problem in my younger days (people used to get freaked out about my very steady eye contact), but not so much now. (Learned skill?). Part of it is that I suppress some of it, especially facial expression.
(There are a few more on the list that don't really apply to me, so I left them out.)
When it comes to social behaviour, I never really learned the proper social skills in my "developmental years", and was always an outsider. I learned enough social skills as a young adult (late 20's) to function in a workplace without problems (though being very polite and well-mannered can go a long way) -- generally, at work people view me as "Nice guy, a little quiet, does excellent work, but he's a little weird."
So...
Part of me is thinking "Aha! This explains a lot."
Part of me is thinking that all I've done is found an excuse.
And part of me is almost terrified by the possible discovery... not to mention, "now what"?
Responses (especially those that may help me understand things a little better) will be most welcome. 
Thanks in advance.
10 Feb 2006, 9:59 pm
10 Feb 2006, 10:03 pm
Thanks for the link -- I'll add it to the list. And one thing from the link:
"Detail oriented approach to tasks which may result in missing the “bigger picture”" -- Yup, that's me, all right.
10 Feb 2006, 10:05 pm
10 Feb 2006, 10:09 pm
10 Feb 2006, 10:46 pm
10 Feb 2006, 11:45 pm
43 and a good job you like?
Going on six years. Before that, I rented. But I've been living alone most of my adult life.
a aspie life perspective job. Hmmmmm? How long have
you worked their? Computers and aspies go hand and hand.
Just about every job I've had, has required the use of computers. And I am a proficient computer user.
Well spoken. I find that myself and perhaps others in the
aspie community do much better on the written front.
Basically, what I do is sit at my desk (with computer), and I get correspondence in my "In" basket -- requests for information, requests for an explanation of something, or even routine stuff like a summary of the previous year's billing (usually for tax purposes). And I respond to the request as appropriate. Any piece of correspondence that goes out has to be checked by our supervisor; mine almost never need changes and get approved as is; the performance review I mentioned in my earlier post made specific reference to my skill with the written word.
I'm part of a group of five, all of us doing pretty much the same thing, so sometimes we compare notes or ask each other for help. Whenever someone has computer problems, I'm the one they ask.
by society standards?
Choice, mostly. I've always been a loner. Though part of it may be that I was an outsider for so long, being alone became a natural thing. That being said, I have had a few relationships over the years, and later think that I'm better off without them. My first girlfriend (I was 21) and I were together for almost a year. I broke it off when I realized that I felt like I was spending too much time with her, while she was complaining that I wasn't spending *enough* time with her!
That one website really hit home.
Thanks for the feedback.
