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Hi everyone,

I am a female Aspie, diagnosed Oct. 2007. I am a first-semester transfer student (junior) at Iowa State University. I'm married, and my home is 3+ hours away; I have an apt. here and go home and back every weekend. No human kids; two feline kids.

Chronologically I am 44 years old, but you can pretty much ignore that part. When I tell people how old I really am, especially if they've known me for a while, they flinch and do double-takes and seem very uncomfortable. I look like I'm in my early thirties, and am psychologically and emotionally about the same age as my fellow students. I've never had a real job before. Most people think I am "re-careering," but I am just as new to life as the regular 20-year-old juniors. Actually, I consider my starting-over point to be July 2006, so I am 21 in "do-over years." People that are actually my own chronological age seem way older than me most of the time.

I sort of "awoke" in the summer of 2005 and began getting therapy. It was only then that I discovered I was not "crazy" or "not right in the head" like everyone had been telling me my whole life. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my therapists and counselors all say that I am quite sane and that there's just something neurologically different about me. When you have been conditioned for so long to believe that you're crazy, it's hard to put any trust in yourself.

I am just high enough on the spectrum to look "normal," and I have a very high IQ and have perfect GPAs in high school and at the community college I graduated from. Therefore, people think I "should know better" when I screw up socially. I've never made more than $8.25/hr. in my life, and my work history is atrocious. That's why I decided that at this point, the only way I could convince employers that I was employable would be to go to college and start a new chapter in my life. (I still don't quite know how to answer the inevitable question, "What did you do before you went to college?")

I did surprisingly well at the community college (well, the GPA was no surprise, but I had a great support system and grew by leaps and bounds socially!). Now, at the "big school," things are not so great. I am carrying 11.5 credit hours (which rounds up to full-time status), and I am exhausted ALL THE TIME, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I am on campus from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. I get back to the apt. and just want to collapse. I am eating nutritious foods, taking vitamins, and getting 8-9 hours of sleep each night. The sensory bombardment just wipes me out, though. I have also never lived on my own before in my life. I seem to be taking care of myself okay, but it's a struggle. I need lots and lots and lots of rest. I hope I can make it through school, get a degree, and finally have a real career and feel like a real adult.

The older I get, the better I can hide the AS. However, when I am under stress or very tired, the facade crumbles, and then people wonder what is wrong with me. I had three meltdowns my first week of school. (Of course, it probably didn't help that my husband almost died in a car wreck exactly one week before the first day of class.)

I do not care about money. As long as I can eat and have a roof over my head, I'm good. The frustrating thing is that I have so many talents and gifts to give the world, but it seems like the world doesn't want them. Hopefully with a degree under my belt and with the support of this really awesome vocational rehab lady I met on campus, I can finally achieve my true potential and make the world a better place (sorry for sounding like a cliche, but it's truly the way I feel).

Anyhow, I am very isolated up here and have not made any friends yet (although I have about a dozen nice acquaintances). I am learning to tell the difference now between friends and acquaintances, and it's actually pretty depressing. I am determined to make it up here, though, in spite of how tired, lonely, guilty, confused, frightened, and shaky I am. The fatigue is probably the worst thing right now. I can barely get my assignments done because I am so exhausted when I get back to the apt. It does not take much to run my emotional gas tank down to empty. Today I was supposed to meet a lady to pick up some event posters, and after 20 min. of fruitless searching and asking all over the place, I had to get back to the apt. FAST because I could feel the panic starting. I live in flight-or-fight mode almost 24/7 up here, and then when I go home there is a ton of work there to be done, and then I drag myself back to the apt. Sun. night and start the whole cycle over again Mon. morning. I love my classes and this is one of the best schools around for my chosen field of study, and I want to stay. If anyone has any ideas on how to overcome the exhaustion, I'd LOVE to hear them. I don't know how much more I can take emotionally or physically.

Sorry for rambling, but I am just too tired to sit for a couple of hours and compose a proper introduction. Hope this one is OK enough. I am not a bad person and I do like to make new friends. I have learned how to give as well as receive, and I hope I can help other people on this forum navigate through this strange world that we live in. Thanks for reading.

Welcome to WP!

Wow. You have quite an inspiring story, and I welcome you to WP!

I used to have that same problem of wondering whether I was crazy, and finding out about my AS or HFA has now almost completely done away with that. Get plenty of rest and do not be distracted by non-essentials there at school, and just let the people who actually know how to be friends reveal themselves to you.

I am 59, and you will meet plenty of people here who were born in the third quarter of the last century, so pull up a chair, kick off your shoes and enjoy!

Welcome greetings to the WP neighborhood, fellow-traveler riverspark.

Hi! I would say welcome, but my "new here" post actually showed up after yours...

It is extremely difficult to navigate any world when your view of it is different from the ::gag:: "normal" way. I am also a college student who is a career student, so I can sympathize. I have two small pieces of advice, one of which I have stolen from the closest thing I have ever had to a mentor. That is, you have to do things your own way. No other way will work. Do whatever it is you need to do to make things work-- drop a class, whatever. Don't hurt yourself. A degree does not a successful person make. Also, if you can, try to find someone who can sympathize with you. Ideally someone near where you are. I'm about 3 hours south, but you're near enough Des Moines you might find someone there. Find someone else like you. That changes everything. This site is good (I think, I hope, I pray), but an actual person nearby just might make all the difference.

I wish I could help you more, but that's all I have right now. Just know that you are NOT alone.

Laney

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi, welcome here. Interesting to read about your experiences. I am 23 and a college drop-out, but maybe I'll go back sometime.

Thanks so very much to all of you for the words of welcome!