Hello there!

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Hi everyone, well I'm here because I have suspicions of myself being on the spectrum. First I thought I had social anxiety, but then it seems to come from me not understanding other people. I tend to be thinking to myself alot, I don't really do friendly conversations, or I'm not that comfortable with them. I can't tell if its going well or not. I spend alot of my time by myself. I have low self esteem, having suicidal thoughts, I have always felt jilted around other people.

Alot of this has only recently come to my attention because I went to uni, but left because I was extremely stressed (dear lord it was terrible) and not eating properly there. I've only just come to consider who I am compared to other people. I'm 20, have a part time job, never had a girlfriend, only ever had like 1 person I've considered a friend (however its come to my attention that most people have a different perspective on what friends are, its people you generally know, talk to, and are on good terms, in which case I've had a few friends). I've realised my inability to negotiate around other people, how to handle them or how to consider them.

I do enjoy my own company (as somebody as said to me), I've been described as a loner( I detest the word). Smart, yet dumb... because of my academic success. I get the feeling people don't know how to take me.

As for obsessive interests, I do get attatched to certain things, like movies and games, I can watch them over and over. For example metal gear solid on the playstation, I still have it and still enjoy playing it, the feeling is like being comfortable with the familiarity and enjoying the details. I really liked philosophy (I mean like a hyper exstatic feeling) at college and enjoy reflecting upon things in general. I was told I'm very analytical

sensory stuff, I'm sure I use to flap my hands because I liked the sensation when I was a kid. I remember being told off by my brother for looking at the ground whilst walking (I enjoyed looking at the patterns I suppose) I still do I think. The thing is I don't realise what I do seems odd to other people. Like, I think now that I have stared at a few people, but thats just me looking and reflecting of a feature on a persons face. I was supposed to be uncontrolable as a baby and was almost prescribed vallium.

I'm still fairly new here but welcome & I think you'll like it!

Welcome to WP!

Yeah, I'm new here too, but welcome! You sound like me in some (but not all) ways, though it does sound like you're more severe than I am (assuming I have it at all; still unconfirmed). Basically, I'm almost as socially inept as you (or perhaps I'm as bad or worse; we can never really tell from our own perspectives, can we?) but my "strategy" (if you could call it that) up until this point has been unconventional. Rather than being shy, I've been outgoing, at least for the past few years. Problem is, all this seems to accomplish is aggressively shoving my socially dysfunctional behavior down other peoples' throats. I seem to make a lot of enemies that way. lol I wonder which means of coping (shy vs outgoing) is better in the end, or if they're both equally crappy?

I've never understood the "flapping hands" thing. I rock back and forth when I'm standing (or, rarely, when I'm sitting) but that just feels natural to me; I often don't even realize I'm doing it. It seems to me that flapping hands would require more motor effort, and hence be a more conscious activity. Can you try to explain it? I mean, do you feel urges to do it even now, or is it all something you did in the past that isn't "necessary" at all?

I apologize if I'm being too forward, but then I'm sure you know what's up with that

Flapping hands? It's like there's a picture in my head I'm trying to describe to you in speech. The hands sort of work around the contours. It's not my fault you can't see what I mean.

Welcome greetings to the WP neighborhood, Hobart.

To Hobart & Cactus_Man:


To WrongPlanet!! !

Well, I'm not like that. I don't try to be "hip" (which, ironically, isn't even a "hip" word, seeing as it's only used by older people, which makes it somewhat of a self-contradiction); I just try to be cool and casual. I don't necessarily want to stand out, but I don't want to blend in either. Maybe that's part of the problem... my objective is a paradox.

Basically, I just want to appear normal. (Not in terms of intelligence, but in terms of social aptitude.)

The machine welcomes your nerons into it's tendrils.