Possibly have Aspergers... tell me what you think.

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I've been wondering about this whole topic for quite some time, and I should like a few opinions on the issue. Recently I have been reading books about autism and Asperger's; and I am amazed by how well I fit the description of mild to moderate Asperger's.

Basic information about me:
22-year-old female college physics student, above-average IQ, interests include reading (science, sci-fi, and fantasy), crafts, RPGs, and various weeks-to-months-long information-gathering sprees on various subjects.

I first became interested in Asperger's when my mother told me that, had she not withdrawn me from school at the age of 12, I would have been diagnosed with Asperger's. I didn't think much of this, beyond my usual interest in the human mind, until I began failing in college due to depression. Depression, of course, being associated with Asperger's, I began to be more assiduous in my search for an answer about whether this diagnosis might describe my way of thinking.

I am going to make a list of pros and cons, and you can tell me what you think.

Arguments For Asperger's:
--No friends until about age 20
--Physics major (science-oriented field)
--Like to organize things, and very good at it--it is quite calming to alphabetize books or place items in order of height on a bedroom shelf
--Had "temper tantrums" as a child, mostly when parents were unpredictable or I couldn't figure out how the family worked
--Asexual (i.e., no sex drive; I'm physically a normal female)
--Extremely shy during childhood; had trouble with ordering in restaurants and talking on the phone especially
--Diagnosed with depression/anxiety
--Value honesty and truth; often refuse to tell socially accepted "little white lies"
--I pursue interests much more intensely than anyone I have ever compared myself to
--Capable of hyperfocusing
--When doing art, music, or crafts, I use logic, method, etc. rather than gut feeling to make things work
--Tendency to tap my foot or rock back and forth, since childhood
--Once iterested in something, I pursue it to the exclusion of everything else
--Read sci-fi, fantasy in order to understand the culture or world the author has created
--Go through three or four year long "obsessions" with various subjects: Vetrinary medicine; abortion (politics/medical debate); black holes; cults; ADOM (a RPG); et cetera. I spend about half my time on such things when they are in force.
--Speech during childhood sounded like a book read aloud; recently I have learned colloquial speech and my local (Midwest) accent as though it were a foreign language.
--Never have liked, probably never will like, romance movies or books, or stories based on interpersonal interaction.
--Very good at grammar and spelling; I was writing college-level essays before I ever wrote my first fiction story.
--More than one person has told me I act like Spock (Star Trek); I tend to agree, though I do display amusement on a regular basis.
--Inability to sleep unless a certain environment exists--organized room, quiet environment, the right bed and pajamas, etc.
--A problem with various self-harm behaviors (scratching myself) to calm down and/or handle emotions
--Frustration with the unexpected
--My ideal life would be perfectly organized, with each minute and item in place.
--I'm prone to reading books on random subjects, just because knowing things is so fascinating to me
--Having to learn social protocol by trial-and-error, consciously learning rules of interaction
--I have difficulty remembering faces and names; however, I will often identify people by interesting facts I have learned about them

Arguments Against:
--Some symptoms could have been caused by a combination of mild abuse during childhood and a move from Germany to the USA at age 6
--Other possible problems: ADD, depression, anxiety
--Analyzing people's behavior has helped me become socially proficient
--People in general fascinate me
--I have vivid dreams (and have begun to experiment with lucid dreams, as I was born with the ability to have them--the mind is an amazing thing)
--I am learning to recognize and use "female intuition"--my subconscious mind figuring something out before I make the logical steps from beginning to the end of it--and other sorts of non-logical thought.
--I have written fiction, poetry, and music.
--Mathematics has always been my hardest subject, though by no means the least enjoyable (I had a 26 on my Math ACT and a 34-36 on the other sections). As soon as I got to calculus, math became much more fascinating and I now use it on a daily basis.
--Disorganized room and schedule, which could be caused by depression. I am generally unable to study until I have first organized my room at least superficially.
--I make schedules, lists of things to do, et cetera; but I do not generally follow them
--Recent (2 years) drop in grades from straight A's to D's and F's. Asperger's is characterized by normal intelligence.
--Proficient with writing in general; learned to read at age 4; good at communicating, though generally somewhat pedantic and formal in speech.
--Work better when multitasking, usually with something repetitive and mindless combined with something interesting; for example, listening to a book on tape while washing dishes.
--Extremely unmotivated to do "boring" tasks.

So... based on what I've said here, do you think I might have Asperger's? Or could it be something else? More information needed?

They have told me at Academic Assistance at my college that a screening would cost a lot of money; and as I am estranged from my family, I have not the necessary resources. Still, with my recent depression and subsequent failures in school, I may need to weigh my options: If the benefits would be greater than the cost, I need to consider being formally diagnosed rather than just speculating.

Please respond.

All of these apply to me



Grades have nothing to do with intelligence (although really stupid people have trouble getting good grades even when they study all the time and do all the homework).

Join the club


probably why you don't follow all those lists. boring tasks are stupid and should be reserved for the hired help.

getting an official diagnosis is typically quite costly, but it might relieve your mind to know whether or not you truly are an aspie. although my hubby, parts, fit so many of the descriptions of aspergers he was not satisfied with his own assessment. we ended up going to a dr who specializes in aspergers and autism for a more formal diagnosis. if nothing else, try taking some of the asperger quizzes ~ i know there's links around here to several different ones.

I've done the quizzes--usually I come out with a "strong possibility" or whatever it is that's either the most extreme or next most extreme rating.

Unfortunately, I don't know how diagnostic those quizzes are.

Yep. I read your post. I agree with the quiz: STRONG POSSIBILTY. You sound like an aspie to me.

From what you said, I think the diagnosis might do two things for you: (1) give you some peace of mind and (2) perhaps allow you to utilize some academic privileges that undiagnosed people can't request. Is that on your list of things to get?

It sounds like Academic Assistance has you in a Catch-22. You're suffering from a very difficult disability, and they're telling you you have to pay through the nose to legitimize it. Something's not right there.

I'm no expert or advocate, but I think you can do this some other way. There MUST be a way. It might be good to contact the Americans with Disabilities Administration in your area and ask them. Tell them you are a student. You believe you have an autism spectrum disorder, and your college is doing precious little to help you sort it out, and you are failing as a result. My guess is, the ADA will be all over those people like white on rice. If the college accepts federal monies, they have obligations to you to help you with a learning disability.

Another idea: make some contacts in your psych department, if you can. Some universities are studying this stuff, and you can get an evaluation by being part of their studies. UCSD and UCLA do that, for example. Also, talk to anyone you can in the psych department and ask them for a referral to someone and explain your situation. You may be able to get an evaluation without paying top-dollar.

A basic idea: try to find someone who can advocate for you with the school. Do you have any contacts with attorneys who would help you as a favor? Contact the ADA legal department, or any other attorney you can get your hands on. There are people who do these things, and if you ask around enough, you'll find one. They'll go in and shred those Academic Assessement people to ribbons, I kid you not; and some of them work on a pro bono (for the public good) basis, rather than charging you.

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. In the meantime, hugs. You'll get this back on track.

I believe, from you list of traits that you typed, that you are definately Aspergers somewhere along the line!
I have two kids, aged 5 (Daughter) and 8 (Son) and when I was 40, (now 42), I asked my Son's Consultant at the Hospital if she thinks I have Aspergers and she said an astounding "YES". I have been told I have this very severely and it has caused me now to re-evalulate my life.
I am married to my own Mr. Spock (Husband with Aspergers) and apparently I come from a long line of Aspergers. I do not consider the MMR has caused this - I did not have it but my Son, who had both jabs, is the most severe case.
We are all extremely intelligent (sorry if this sounds boastful), I started my own business in June 2005 and now it is already up and running. Whilst I do have friends, I feel that non of them really know me now because from such a young age, I have always "played the part" living my life and now I would like to be true to myself .... be me basically but how do I be me when people around me are used to this fake fascade.
I am confused as to why your Mother removed you from School? What reason did she give? Did the board of Governors/School not get involved?
Is this something you can discuss with your Mother?
What about your Father?
Do you see traits in your parents or around your family?
I am sorry, I am not making much sense today .... I will try again tomorrow.
I have a lot of stress at the moment as I have the Teacher from Hell at School (our Son is mainstream), last years Teacher was a darling! They have decided to re-do the whole School day differently and to an Aspergers, this is mindblowingly awful. He doesn't know if he is coming or going now!
Our Daughter is being put forward for a diagnosis but she is not as severe as our Son and I .... my Husband, who has been in denial for four years about everything, is coming around to the idea that he is Aspie too and it is not so bad .... it makes perfect sense when you realise you no longer have to be a square peg trying to fit in a round hole!
I live in the UK by the way!
Kind regards.

I have had accomodations at Academic Assistance since I was hospitalized for depression; I am allowed to take tests in a separate room with a proctor. My goal at the moment is to try to understand why my I'm failing in school, and to get my grades up to a decent level.

I am at a small private college; and while they do accept federal money to help students with disabilities, the academic assistance department is very small, with only about six full-time employees and something like 30-50 student and GA helpers who do things like proctor tests. I do not think anyone at my college (3,000 students; so it is quite small) is qualified to assess people for Aspergers/Autism; so they would have to send me to someone outside the college who would likely charge a lot of money.

My psychology professor, at the moment, does not like me. Unlike most professors, he has a strict three-absences-per-semester attendance policy, with no excuses allowed. I have missed four classes and been late to three; and his GA recently advised me to drop the class. I do not know anyone else in the psychology department.

Let me get this right: You want me to sue my school?! Additionally, I do not believe my school's academic assistance department is negligent; only understaffed and underequipped.

Thanks for the encouragement; I appreciate it.

Do you mean the MMR vaccination? I had this as a two-year-old and was hospitalized with fever and convulsions; but what does it have to do with Asperger's?

I was removed from school to be home-schooled.

My mother is eccentric. Not in an aspie sort of way; she is simply a conspiracy theorist and has odd ideas about nutrition, education, and religion. As a result, my mother changed my school whenever she felt it was not holding up to her expectations.

I was in a public school only the first half of my first-grade year, in a large private school my second-grade year, home-schooled half of my third-grade year and in a small private school the other half of the year, home-schooled my fourth-grade year, back in a small private school my fifth-grade year, and in a large private school during my sixth-grade year.

The school I was in in the sixth grade was large enough to have a good special ed. department; and I think it was around this time (1994-1995) that Asperger's was becoming known as a problem for students. I never understood why I did not stay at that school, as I did well there (I had two acquaintances and no friends, I made it to the state spelling bee, and my grades were good). However, recently, my mother told me that I was removed from that school at the end of the year because they would have diagnosed me with Asperger's if I had stayed.

My high school education is similarly spotty. I believe being taken from school to school so much exacerbated my natural introvertedness; though by the end of high school I had managed to, while not actually making friends with anyone, live with other students without being thought more eccentric than simply a quiet person who preferred schoolwork to socialization.

(During my first- to fifth-grade years, I knew little about socialization and became known as "the weird girl" whom no one would be seen with; by the end of my schooling I knew simply to keep to myself and I would just be seen as "quiet". I even managed to have a few conversations with a boy who might easily have been an Aspie himself; this ended when everyone assumed we wanted to date, though.)

See above.

My birth father died when I was two; my mother's current boyfriend is as eccentric as she is.

My biological father was a computer engineer who would stay in his laboratory for days on end; my mother says he was an "absent-minded professor" who did not have a social life. They met at church.

I do wish my mother would realize that Asperger's is not the end of the world. If she had considered the possibility when I was still growing up, I might be much better-adjusted now, and might not have ended up with depression and the associated bad grades.

Your children seem to me to be very lucky; you are not only caring for their special needs, you are assuring them that being an Aspie is "not so bad"... that there's nothing wrong with being a square peg.

I wish I had been told that as a child; instead I got nothing but "problem child" and "strong-willed".

I understand. This would be a hard one to offer advice on without seeing your study methods and knowing you better. You say you were doing well before, then your grades dropped. Can you be more specific about your thoughts on why that happpened?



Right. And they should be helping you find a way to do that see more below:

And here's another question: are you near any larger universities you could go to that might be studying autism?



No, I don't think you should sue the school--at least not yet. An advocate is someone who knows the law and speaks on your behalf, not necessarily to sue. Sometimes the advocate is an attorney, or a social worker. They confront the Special Ed people and make sure you get the accomodations, evaluations, etc., to which you are legally entitled.

Here's the thing: if your school accepts ANY federal money, then they are bound by the ADA guidelines--and there's a 99% chance your school does. It doesn't matter whether your Special Ed department is understaffed or has good intentions or whatever--that's their problem, not yours. They have certain legal obligations they MUST fulfill with you. If they don't toe the line, then the school is going to have to forego the new football uniforms this year to staff the office. Now, I'm no advocate, but I'm pretty sure they are dropping the ball. I believe that, if they can't assess you themselves, they should be paying to outsource you to someone who can.

This is why I say it would be great to get in touch with an advocate of some sort. Such a person can tell you for sure whether I'm right here. An advocate will make the school sit up and take notice, because the school will know that the advocate has the ability to bring about an embarrassing lawsuit if he or she feels you are not being served properly. This is a big deal. Your whole academic future is on the line, and you should have some help navagating the bureaucracy.

Don't let them tell you there's nothing more to be done unless you shell out big bucks. I don't think there on the level there.

I believe my drop in grades was due chiefly to depression.

My history, in brief:

• My father died when I was two.
• My mother re-married to an abusive manic-depressive man when I was nine. Physical abuse continued for six months until he died.
• I got a second stepfather at age 11, whom I had until age 16 when I left for college. He was also physically abusive and would deliberately deprive me of privacy and tease me with impunity, knowing I wouldn't "get the joke" and would take it personally.
• Went to PCC (Pensacola "Christian" college) a few weeks after 17th my birthday. As a minor, I could not leave; this environment was more like a cult than a college. My grades were my usual A's there.
• Six months after turning 18, I left PCC to transfer to a normal college. My first semester's grades were normal, but thereafter they began to drop. I found myself unable to cope in an environment where I did not have to fight for my sanity and could (had to?) make all my own decisions.
• I began to use self-injury as a coping mechanism more frequently than I had been (from monthly, during my teen years, to daily).
• Two and a half years ago, I made my first friend.
• Just over two years ago, I was admitted to the hospital for 14 days after my hand slipped while I was cutting myself and I required five stitches. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. That semester I passed only one of my classes.
• Since then I have passed only some of my classes, though my GPA has slowly risen from a 0.5 at its lowest to my current 1.5.

Methods being used to deal with depression/anxiety:

• Counseling once every two weeks.
• Lexapro, 10 mg daily.
• A group of friends, all outcasts and eccentrics themselves, who support me; I was introduced to them by the first friend I made (all right, it was more like "she insisted I be her friend, and I acquiesced, mostly because she knows how to speak Quenya"). I spend about three hours per week with them, playing D&D or eating lunch together.

Why I think my grades are low:

• I am unmotivated to study. My current obsessions (D&D and fantasy worlds) have little to do with school.
• I have a lot of trouble keeping my attention on the lectures.
• Insomnia often makes me tired during the day.
• I am a perfectionist: If my homework is not perfect, I am discouraged.
• I have a lot of anxiety over not making it through college: Having to work a non-interesting job would be impossible for me; so my worst nightmare--ending up as a McDonald's manager--puts a lot of pressure on me to succeed.

Methods being used to help improve grades:

• Meeting with academic assistance advisor weekly, to discuss time management and study strategy.
• Meeting weekly with sympathetic German professor for moral support and accountability
• Accomodations from disability services: Proctored tests with extra time
• Keeping my room clean; I find myself unable to study if my environment is not ordered.
• Reading books about depression, anxiety, Asperger's and attention-deficit disorder might help me find some strategy that works for me. (ADD is another thing I suspect might be part of my personal brain configuration; either that, or depression/anxiety is mimicing ADD.)
• I crochet in class; this keeps my hands busy and my attention, mostly, from wandering. (I'm working on my fourth afghan.)
• For physics classes, I use formula sheets to keep all formulas within easy reach.

Yes, within thirty miles; but I have no transportation and cannot drive a car.

I wonder if Academic Assistance at my school simply thinks Asperger's is not a logical diagnosis for me, and thus do not want to test me? If depression and anxiety adequately explain my symptoms, why should they?

I do wish I were better at confronting people; but I'm not good at it, at all. It's hard enough to talk to someone who's friendly; trying to force someone to do something is like torture. But I suppose anyone with low social skills would say the same...

I vote yes on you having aspergers. Or at least having what I have, because I have..... just about EVERY quality you listed. Including the fascination of people. The ordering in resturant particularly spoke to me. I fear deeply what i'm supposed to be doing at any given time. And i don't wanna be rude to the waiter, but usually I wanna go before their set amount of time before giving me my check. And if i ask for it, they'll apologize. I pretty much just go to the same place and rehearse in my mind the smoothest lines i can say to get what i want.

What year of college are you at, Callista? When I finished High School, I went straight to university (college) to study Physics and Computer Science. I failed miserably. Like yourself, I latched onto D&D and other fantasy stuff and they rather consumed me. I became an expert at that whilst learning nearly nothing at university. You haven't said much about your routine at school, but at least you're going to classes. Is D&D/fantasy taking a lot of time away from the time you could spend focussing on your college degree? You need to be careful that it doesn't start controlling your life. I found that the shift from my old home into the city to live with my grandmother and father, and the shift from structured High School to schooling that requires a high degree of self-motivation, added a lot to the hold D&D/fantasy had over me. It can be a big lure, especially given that you have friends when you play D&D. I would think having a study-buddy who is doing the same courses as you are would probably help you a great deal. Someone who could help keep you on the straight-and-narrow, so to speak. You say you make schedules a lot but have a hard time following them. You'd probably benefit a lot from having someone who makes sure you follow some sort of schedule that will help you get your degree. One good thing about strict mothers

As to whether you have AS or not, there's a lot to consider. While a lot of what you say resonates with many different experiences of autism, there's also a lot that could be attributed to a personality disorder. Of course, it's possible you could have both. Really, noone here is capable of telling you one way or another. All we can do is say how closely it matches our experiences of our own autism. Having said that, your's does closely resemble my own experience: Temper tantrums, shyness, asexual, sci-fi/fantasy, hating sappy movies/books, foot-tapping, grammar/spelling. I, however, have no interest in organizing things. I love chaos, and finding patterns in it. Finding patterns of organization among seeming-chaos. I do, though, like routine and being told what to do. My perfect life would have everything organized for me, someone else to plan my life down to the minute. That chaos is one thing I can't find a pattern in.

Getting diagnosed probably won't do much to help you. Probably, getting diagnosed with the other comorbid things you might have will help you a lot more. Autism itself has no medication help, and really the only things you could gain from it, would be self-knowledge, some benefits such as help with your studies etc. It's just a personal choice you have to make. Implementing life-style changes would probably help a lot more. But, of course, that is just my opinion.

I am a second-year senior in college, though I have been having problems with grades since the first semester of my junior year.

I'm kind of different from you folks, I love the organization my life down the finest details but often do not follow it through, my temper tantrums weren't much worse than other people, I liked sci-fi a lot when I was younger but do not now and I have never liked Fantasy, Since age 12 I've been highly sexual (although did not want a girlfriend until 22), I did not understand until quite recently did not understand sappy movies/books but now love them .