Hello,
I have been lurking around the boards on and off for a month or so now, and I finally decided to formally join. I am 39 years old, I am currently married to my third wife who is neurotypical. I have a 19 year old daughter with PDD-NOS, ADHD, and OCD. I also have two neurotypical step sons age 13, and 15. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome about 3 years ago unofficially after my daughter was diagnosed with possible Asperger's.
I will tell you a little about myself. I grew up in a home where I was abused mentally, physically, and sexually by my step father and 3 other people. I am exploring these issues more trying to understand things better. I quit school in the 6th grade and got my GED at 24. I have never had a close friend that I can remember that stuck around more then a few weeks, or months, and even those have been few and far between. I have probably had 40 jobs in my life, lived in several states and visited 5 countries. At around 12 I started teaching myself computers and worked my way up to running the IT department of a multi million dollar company. Yet, I have never felt comfortable in my own skin.
I have always struggled with issues surrounding my past, I am completely uncomfortable around men, and avoid them socially at all costs. I have learned to function around men in a group though. It is also hard for me because I hate sports, cars, gambling, golf, blah, blah, blah, insert random stereotypical thing here that guys are suppose to like. So often I am left alone anyway because we share no common interests.
I have always been most comfortable with women, but not just any women there are ones that you can tell are mature, nurturing, open, and honest it does not matter if they are 18 or 80. It's an internal quality that you cannot fake. Of course most people feel that it is completely inappropriate for a man and women to be friends at all, and being close or best friends is absolutely without question unacceptable (of course I think that is complete bunk), but maybe I am wrong.
One problem that I have always had however is that I am like most aspies in that I am completely open and honest about very thing. I talk to much, ask to much, and I am curious about everything and I am not shy to ask some pretty personal questions if I feel really comfortable with a person. I commonly misunderstand when a person says something like sure we can talk about anything, or you can tell me anything, so I do and then I get HEY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!! It is frustrating. I have other things going on that I can only mention in the adult section, and I am not sure that I am comfortable talking about in an open forum just yet. If you have questions though you can PM me and I might answer, but no promises.
It got to the point that for 3 years I left my house maybe a total of three times. My mom and sisters brought me food, and other things. I was very mistrustful of people for a very long time and I still am for the most part. I lay my whole life out in honest and sincere intentions and I trust people only to be hurt over and over. My first wife divorced me after 8 years, and told me she had found someone else and only married me because she needed a guy who was willing to work 3 jobs to take care of her so she could sit home all day and that she never loved me. My second wife convinced me that she loved me, but refused to live in the same house with me and after 2 years of marriage (living in different houses with no contact) divorced me upon getting her green card. Another woman I was with for 2 years convinced me that we should buy a house together and that it should be in her name. Well as soon as the papers were signed and I handed over the down payment she told me things just weren't working out between us.
It was about this time that I locked myself away for a few years. After I decided to come out of hiding I met the woman that I am married to now. She is a wonderful woman, and she tries very hard to deal with life with people on the spectrum. When I married her I was not diagnosed yet and was playing video games 12 hours a day. She lived with it for a while, but soon we were beginning to argue and have problems. I did cut back on my video gaming and started working and things got a little better, but then my daughter came to live with us. My wife had to deal with all the IEP's, doctors visits and everything else because I was just not equipped or ready to deal with it. It took a few years to get myself in a place where I could deal with my daughters disorders, I felt very guilty like I pasted this on to her. My wife tries really hard but she does not understand me, and she will often tell me that she tries but she doesn't understand a lot of the things I do, feel, or deal with. Sometimes we are like two strangers that share a house, and somethings things are the best they have ever been. I cant really talk to her about a lot of stuff though because she just cant wrap her mind around it and she has told me that.
I have had a lot going on in my life over the past few years. I started college a few years ago studying psychology, and attending autism/asperger's conferences around my area. I changed my major to psychology and theology and was going to be a counselor. Then I changed to psychology and social work with the same end goal in mind. I am currently in my 3rd year and carry a 3.8 GPA, and I am making plans to attend grad school soon. I soon began speaking at local clubs, schools, colleges about living with asperger's and became an advocate. I have got to know some very well know asperger's/autism authors, and have also recently started my own blog, and began writing a book. My official diagnosis is Asperger's Syndrome, Adjustment disorder with Anxiety and Depression, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder Predominately of the Impulsive Type, Learning Disability in Math Dyscalculia.
I hope that I can contribute to the forums in a positive way and it is good to be here. I am sure I will share more of my story as time passes.
13 Dec 2009, 10:17 am
