new here, but have been on other lists/mozart and the whale

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I should be putting away the laundry and going to bed, but, I just saw "Mozart and the Whale" for the first time and need to write. (It's a movie about two people with Asperger's.)

For those of you who have seen it, I'm sort of a combination of Isabelle and Donald, I have what I guess you would call the higher functioning of Isabelle, which, incidentally I think DOES tend to make me crazier as people think I'm so close to normal, with the compassion of Donald.

The compassion thing is why I'm here. I got online and typed in "Can a person with Asperger's be compassionate?" and a thread from Wrong Planet came up. I read through some of it and was pleasantly surprised to find many posts saying "yes" to compassion/empathy.

Problem is, I've distanced myself from Asperger lists because I've been told in more than one place that I'm too "warm and fuzzy" (so to speak) to be Asperger's. When I'm told this by others with Asperger's, it is very confusing.

But I don't fit with neurotypicals either.

There HAVE been other Asperger's persons who have told me that of course I can still be an Aspie, but, I just feel so discouraged and frozen out by those woh are sure I can't be.

So, I've been going through the past year or so not belonging anywhere, and it really sucks.

To make things worse, I'm also aware that many Aspies have no place for religion. I don't want to convert anybody, I just want to share a bit of the struggle to stay in church, because, it would seem the church is overwhelmingly neurotypical and they don't really want me there either. (Which is why I have HUGE faith in a personal God--it's ok to say I have to as compensation.)

Other facts about me:

I'm going to be 49 next year, married for 31 years to a wonderful man who put up with me but has disabilities where a lot of the pressure and practical stuff falls on me. (I mean, it's ok, I just get tired sometimes.)

We have 2 grown sons. One is struggling, I suspect he is somewhere on the spectrum, as I really do believe whatever we have in our genes is something nontypical. The other one is a real character, married, has 2 kids, and is super social.

I'm the bulletin editor, etc. for our church.

This year, I self-published a book of my poetry that I wrote several years ago when my counselor decided I probably have Asperger's. As well as a book of my sketches that I've done at Mass over the years. I'm working more on my art, photography, writing and even a bit of music.

Tenor recorder. Bought myself a cheap one and play very badly lots of different music on it and have a glorious time, much to our cat's disgust.

I am much better outdoors than being in groups or at carnivals, etc. That was one question I had about the movie: big gatherings of humans have NEVER been good for me.....and here they were going through the carnival, etc., although they did show her meltdown over the sound of the metal rings. Even at Walmart, sometimes I have to work really hard to keep from freaking out. Most days I'm ok, but, sometimes especially at the checkout line, I have to put my hands over my ears and bob them to get that "seashell sound" effect (or white noise) so I don't start screaming and banging my head.

Alrighty then. Won't bore you with the rest.



Ritagail in OK

Welcome to WP!

Hi ritagail, welcome,

Nice to meet you. And nice that you mention 'Mozart and the Whale', I also watched it recently and I liked it.

You shouldn't let others saying you can't be AS discourage you. People - Aspies too - aren't always right. I think you should rely more on counselors' / psychologists' / psychiatrists' opinions than on other people's and other Aspies' opinions, regarding the decision if you have AS.

Interesting to hear you're so artistic. I always admire artistic people. I noticed there are quite a lot of artistic Aspies. And nice to hear you play tenor recorder. I used to play recorder too, since I was 6, at first only soprano, later also alto. I haven't played recorder for a while now. Nowadays I play guitar. I always really enjoy playing music. Nice that you're enjoying it too (whatever your cat (or anyone else) will think of it ).

And concerning your last question: I got AS diagnosed recently, and I never really have problems with big gatherings of people. I used to go to pop / rock festivals, pop concerts etc. Not each ASD person has a problem with that, some are more sensitive to that than others, some will avoid it, others won't. I also never have meltdowns. ASD people vary widely I noticed, you'll also notice here in our Autism / Asperger's community.

Anyway, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the welcome. I got sidetracked a bit.

I am going to check out some of the other sections of this BIG discussion board and hope to be around more.

Enjoy your stay here.

Hi ritagail - welcome to WP!

My experience is that this is the place where misfits fit. So I hope you find, as I did, that there are always people here who share your feelings & are eager to offer acceptance and support.

I also liked Mozart and the Whale. You might enjoy the book by the same title, which is the actual memoir of the two people depicted in the movie (Jerry & Mary Newport) - they are two separate works, since the book was written after the movie.