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From a Very Confused 28-Year-Old Canadian

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CaptainHero
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24 Jan 2010, 11:01 pm

Hey, guys! Nice to "meet" all of you here.

I guess the reason why I've decided to introduce myself is based on one common thread. Although I have not yet been formally diagnosed with it yet, I believe that I may have some mild stage of Asperger's Syndrome. Having a sibling who has been in the mental health field for a quarter of a century and having been directed to this forum by a couple of peers who have it, I thought I'd get my feet wet here, in case that is exactly what I have.

At 28 years of age, I have always had difficulty in social situations, particularly with the whole idea of making friends in real-time social situations. When I say real-time, I mean out and about in restaurants, clubs, malls, etc. On online communities, I can communicate very well, and I'm never at a loss for words (one reason why I would love to make a career out of my writing talents). Unfortunately, in the real world, my oral communication skills are little to be desired. Ironically enough, my occupation requires me to deal with customer service on a day-to-day basis!

Growing up, I've always had issues. I can't drive a car, because I'm afraid to. I don't know how to operate most tools or fix things because I always had bad motor skills, and I have a sensitivity to loud noises.

And, school was hell for me. I will go into more detail about it if prompted, but let's just say that my "weirdness", as described by the children I attended school with was a problem for them, and it got to the point where by age 17 I felt like I wanted to die. Luckily, I like to think that I was stronger than that.

But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself. And, I can't help but feel sometimes that no matter what I do, I'm always going to feel "broken" or "damaged" to the so-called "normal" ones. Of course, if treating people cruelly and treating them like dirt is considered to be normal, I'm glad to be outside the box.

In other news, I recently dropped 70 pounds this past year, so that's made me feel a LITTLE better about myself. Still, my life is quite lonely, even by my own standards, and I'm not entirely sure how to break through to show everyone around me that I am worth getting to know.

I'm sure that most of you here can relate.



leejosepho
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24 Jan 2010, 11:10 pm

You bet, and welcome!


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24 Jan 2010, 11:11 pm

CaptainHero wrote:
At 28 years of age, I have always had difficulty in social situations, particularly with the whole idea of making friends in real-time social situations. When I say real-time, I mean out and about in restaurants, clubs, malls, etc. On online communities, I can communicate very .

But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself... Of course, if treating people cruelly and treating them like dirt is considered to be normal, I'm glad to be outside the box.

I'm sure that most of you here can relate.


Your post really connected with me (I am also 28, completely hopeless in "real-time" situations and stuck in a customer service position! ), especially the part in bold. Welcome to WP!


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24 Jan 2010, 11:24 pm

CaptainHero wrote:
But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself.

From a fellow 28-year-old loner: I on the other hand feel we're too old for that, we are old enough to be raising kids, talking politics and teaching in university. My hair is turning gray. Is it late enough to face reality and say what the hell i never had a girlfriend, it's time i stop trying.


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24 Jan 2010, 11:31 pm

Welcome to WrongPlanet. :)


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25 Jan 2010, 2:19 am

fernando wrote:
CaptainHero wrote:
But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself.

From a fellow 28-year-old loner: I on the other hand feel we're too old for that, we are old enough to be raising kids, talking politics and teaching in university. My hair is turning gray. Is it late enough to face reality and say what the hell i never had a girlfriend, it's time i stop trying.


That is rather pessimistic. :(


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release_the_bats
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25 Jan 2010, 3:53 am

bonuspoints wrote:
fernando wrote:
CaptainHero wrote:
But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself.

From a fellow 28-year-old loner: I on the other hand feel we're too old for that, we are old enough to be raising kids, talking politics and teaching in university. My hair is turning gray. Is it late enough to face reality and say what the hell i never had a girlfriend, it's time i stop trying.


That is rather pessimistic. :(


Ah, yet another example of the brutal honesty that is characteristic of many aspies.

The reply does sound pessimistic, and potentially hurtful, if you look at it from an emotional perspective. But, really, the person is just offering a different way of looking at the situation. If you simply look at it as an alternative option for interpreting the circumstances, it seems less harsh, and possibly helpful.

To both fernando and CaptainHero, I'd like to point out that life moves at different paces for different individuals. You really are about as old as you feel you are. Once you're an adult, comparing your chronological age to specific aspects of maturity or "milestones in life" (for lack of a better term) can be counter-productive. Just be patient with life and be true to yourself. That's my perspective. :wink:



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25 Jan 2010, 11:10 am

release_the_bats wrote:
bonuspoints wrote:
fernando wrote:
CaptainHero wrote:
But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself.

From a fellow 28-year-old loner: I on the other hand feel we're too old for that, we are old enough to be raising kids, talking politics and teaching in university. My hair is turning gray. Is it late enough to face reality and say what the hell i never had a girlfriend, it's time i stop trying.


That is rather pessimistic. :(


Ah, yet another example of the brutal honesty that is characteristic of many aspies.

The reply does sound pessimistic, and potentially hurtful, if you look at it from an emotional perspective. But, really, the person is just offering a different way of looking at the situation. If you simply look at it as an alternative option for interpreting the circumstances, it seems less harsh, and possibly helpful.

To both fernando and CaptainHero, I'd like to point out that life moves at different paces for different individuals. You really are about as old as you feel you are. Once you're an adult, comparing your chronological age to specific aspects of maturity or "milestones in life" (for lack of a better term) can be counter-productive. Just be patient with life and be true to yourself. That's my perspective. :wink:


I agree with your last paragraph. :shrug:


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25 Jan 2010, 12:51 pm

Welcome to WP!

Are you a fan of Drawn Together (referring to your screen name)? I am.


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25 Jan 2010, 1:02 pm

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To WrongPlanet!! !Image


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25 Jan 2010, 4:10 pm

Hello CaptainHero, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!


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25 Jan 2010, 4:43 pm

Welcome to WrongPlanet!


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31 Jan 2010, 7:58 pm

CaptainHero wrote:
Hey, guys! Nice to "meet" all of you here.

I guess the reason why I've decided to introduce myself is based on one common thread. Although I have not yet been formally diagnosed with it yet, I believe that I may have some mild stage of Asperger's Syndrome. Having a sibling who has been in the mental health field for a quarter of a century and having been directed to this forum by a couple of peers who have it, I thought I'd get my feet wet here, in case that is exactly what I have.

At 28 years of age, I have always had difficulty in social situations, particularly with the whole idea of making friends in real-time social situations. When I say real-time, I mean out and about in restaurants, clubs, malls, etc. On online communities, I can communicate very well, and I'm never at a loss for words (one reason why I would love to make a career out of my writing talents). Unfortunately, in the real world, my oral communication skills are little to be desired. Ironically enough, my occupation requires me to deal with customer service on a day-to-day basis!

Growing up, I've always had issues. I can't drive a car, because I'm afraid to. I don't know how to operate most tools or fix things because I always had bad motor skills, and I have a sensitivity to loud noises.

And, school was hell for me. I will go into more detail about it if prompted, but let's just say that my "weirdness", as described by the children I attended school with was a problem for them, and it got to the point where by age 17 I felt like I wanted to die. Luckily, I like to think that I was stronger than that.

But, at 28, I feel as though I should be out having fun, dating, enjoying life...but there's this brick wall in my way that I feel truly prevents me from being myself. And, I can't help but feel sometimes that no matter what I do, I'm always going to feel "broken" or "damaged" to the so-called "normal" ones. Of course, if treating people cruelly and treating them like dirt is considered to be normal, I'm glad to be outside the box.

In other news, I recently dropped 70 pounds this past year, so that's made me feel a LITTLE better about myself. Still, my life is quite lonely, even by my own standards, and I'm not entirely sure how to break through to show everyone around me that I am worth getting to know.

I'm sure that most of you here can relate.


try something that is anti-anxiety in nature, preferrably after seeing a psychologist. I have had the same problem. If you cannot change the behavior, and the behavior is harmful, seek legal prescriptions. Buy many books on reading body English(non verbal cues) then memorize those books.