SOS! Is anybody out there?

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My life has gone to crap ever since I got out of high school. Sure, graduating felt good, but then my summer program started, which I had gone to and loved for the past 3 years, and I saw bits of myself in the autistic and ret*d kids there. Even what I saw in my two aspie friends there scared me. Now I am enrolled at West Virginia University at Parkersburg, and I am a wreck. I have become addicted to drugs and alcohol, and I annoy my friends because they don't understand me. I don't feel like I'm even human anymore, and I no longer understand my purpose in life. I am a total mess, can anybody help me?

For starters, get off the drugs and the alcohol. My guess is that they are at least adding to the problem, if not causing it. I think you can get help at the university, and suspect your friends would help, too.

What scares you about autism and Asperger? I don't want to be rude or anything but get used to AS, it's not going to go away.

Good luck.

First, as Odeon says, you need to get off drugs--at least long enough to get your head clear and see where you are. It sounds like you've made a start by being aware that the drugs you're using are part of the problem, not part of the solution. (BTW, alcohol is a drug, so no need to separate the two.) You'll need help doing this. I would find a good therapist. AA is also good, but you may want a non-demoninational program if you don't have a spiritual belief. Cognitive/rational therapy may be helpful here. Along those lines, I usually recommend books by Drs. David Burns, Albert Ellis, and Nathaniel Branden.

It can be scary when you discover you're not who or what you think you are. I've had to live with the learning and socially disabled label almost all of my life, but that hasn't necessarily made me more sensitive to people who have the same or similar problems. That's all right. Deal with your problems, and you won't feel so uncomfortable or conflicted around folks who have the same or similar problems.

Also, you can always come here and ask for help. I can't guarantee that you'll hear what you want to hear, but there are plenty of people on this site who've been where you are and would be willing to help you. Like me.

Good luck to you!

So sad. Thinking back, my first few years after high school were extremely difficult as well. It's a huge change from what you were used to. Give yourself a break, first of all. If you've started using drugs and alcohol, like a large percentage of your classmates, don't be too hard on yourself. It's normal to experiment at your age, it's normal to want to fit in with your peers and sometimes doing drugs helps that, and as an aspie, there's a chance you're self-medicating. What you're going through is common even for NT's.

I say you should take a deep breath, tell yourself you're okay, and go find a therapist/counselor on campus to talk to. That person can help you decide if you need to see a psychiatrist or if your drug/alcohol problem is bad enough to warrant treatment.

Good luck.

In response to the suggestion of seeing a therapist, I'm already scheduled to see one, but nobody in my area really understands AS, and to get any real help, I'd have to go away again. I'm not going to do this. What I'm really wondering, though, is are there any aspies who go to my school? It would be reassuring to know that I'm not the only crazy person in this backwater town who has his head on straight enough to use these forums.(my two aspie friends don't use this site to my knowledge)

I am in therapy and have recently realized that I need to educate my therapist on what I need in therapy. Concrete, specific instructions, scripts on what to say in various situations, etc.

I am also in therapy and am a college grad w/degree in psychology, and it really pisses me off how little help there is for Aspie adults. All the major sites, books, etc seem to think it is a childhood disease that will fade in time.

But there is help out there, neurotic_red. You just have to look for it and have faith, and no matter what else just keep talking to people when you find them, like the nice people here in these forums. (Many of whom have offered you good advice. I won't repeat it, you are frightened but not stupid.)

I also agree with Sphinx. You may find yourself counseling your counselor from time to time. If so, so be it. Patients who take control of their treatment tend to get better treatment, be it foot fungus or cancer or AS.

I actually finished school several years after starting because I made a very serious suicide attempt in between those years, so I understand the levels of stress involved. I know it sounds lame and cliche, but don't give up, there are good people out there who will help you. Including me.

So good luck and keep the faith.