Hi, Everyone.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome a long time ago, I don't really remember when. I had difficulty all through middle and high school because because of my AS, they would always try to stick me in classes with people who had far more extreme forms of autism or other mental disorders and I never felt like I belonged. people would always treat me like I was stupid, and in elective classes teachers would almost always try to group me exclusively with people who were slower or had some other form of disability because they didn't think I could keep up with the "Normal" kids. It pissed me off so much and for the longest time I just tried to ignore my AS and I never mentioned it to anyone out of fear I would be treated like an idiot.
I've never really had a lot of close friends, and I haven't really kept in contact with most of the people I went to school with. I don't drive because of anxiety and fear of police officers, I never even got my permit. I also have intense anxiety whenever it comes to approaching a female that I really like. I've had female friends before that I felt perfectly comfortable around, but when it comes to girls I really feel attracted to, I become a nervous wreck. I've never dated or kissed any girl before because of this anxiety and I've gone through long periods of depression fearing that I might never find anyone and be alone forever, which is my biggest fear. I've always dreamed of having a family of my own. I also very much enjoy the company of females. I have admired girls for as long as I can remember and have always felt a much stronger connection to them than boys. I am very much straight, but I do often wish that I had been born female. However, I have no desire at all to undergo sex reassignment surgery or anything like that. I have come to accept being male and hope someday to be married to a beautiful woman. If I were ever by some bizarre chance given the opportunity to magically become a biological female though, I would probably be a lesbian.
I have alot of eccentric interests and my 2 biggest obsessions are movies and music. I LOVE MOVIES! I constantly watch and collect movies. I also have a strong love for music of pretty much all genres. I constantly listen to my iPod and I don't know what I would do without it. I'm also very interested in past American history and I love learning about about historic events. I also love to watch old sitcom reruns, particularly ones from the 1950's. My 2 favorites are I Love Lucy and Leave it to Beaver.
I've worked 2 jobs before but I am currently unemployed. I quit my last job at Target because the requirements were very physically demanding and I could not keep up with them, and because of the employee favoritism I observed taking place. Last year I was in an internship program called Project SEARCH, which was set up through our local hospital and is supposed provide employment and education opportunities for people with disabilities. It was there that I discovered I wanted to work with children. I've always enjoyed the company of children and I guess I'm used to being around them because my mother used to do home childcare. I am no longer in Project SEARCH but I am still continuing to volunteer at the childcare center at the hospital, which is for children of employees who work at the hospital. It is the first time I've ever really felt comfortable in a work environment and I hope it will eventually lead to an employed position.
A few days ago I decided to do a little more research on Asperger's Syndrome as I admittedly knew very little about it since I tried to ignore it for so long. I now feel much more comfortable in knowing there are many reasons for why I am the way I am, and that I am not the only one like me. I just wish I could find more people to talk to who are similar to me, which is why I came here.
23 Jan 2010, 7:26 pm
