Son recently diagnosed AS, questions about myself

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Hi, I've been lurking for a while but have not had a chance to register before now.

My 8-year-old son was diagnosed AS a few months ago, and I came here seeking tips for parents and looking for ways to explain this to him going forward. He calls himself crazy and stupid (he's brilliant), and no amount of positive affirmation from us seems to dent that. Every professional we've spoken with has stressed the importance of teaching and modeling appropriate social skills...

...and my guts liquify when they say that because I am just like my son. I'm not the one to model social skills, because mine suck (thankfully my husband is as NT as they come, so he is a great help there). My heart aches for my son because I understand his anxiety and the behaviors he uses to try to cover or cope with it. As I have read postings here about school, and bullying, and shutting in, about baffling people just by being alive... that is me in spades.

I have framed my past through the lenses of social phobia (Dx) and extreme sensory sensitivity a la Elaine Aron. I'm way more functional now than I was in my twenties, but a lot of that has been borne of necessity. Still every day out in the world contains a measure of struggle, and sometimes I get tired of it to my soul.

I'm curious if I would be diagnosed AS if I pursued it, I suspect I would, but that is not practical right now. I surely don't have the money--we're struggling to arrange how we will pay for my son's Tx, and I'm not sure what I would gain besides a satisfied curiosity. I've spent my whole life figuring out coping skills to navigate this mess, and that will continue regardless.

Whether or not I'm AS, I sense a slew of like minds here and hope that I may be accepted for what I am, open and unsure.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hey Uriel --

Love the picture. Is that from the Pre-Raphaelites? Millais perhaps?

I can understand your concern. But I would say a diagnosis at an early age is half the battle. I'm an old-timer (as far as AS is concerned) and it is difficult to deal with the fact I spent half my life struggling and not knowing what was wrong. Not knowing what set me apart. I also labeled myself stupid and crazy (still do unfortunately). There's been a lot of damage.

Once I realized I needed to work harder at understanding social interaction, everything started to fall into place. I have a job I love and I built a life that suits me. That's the strength. Knowing you're not one of the crowd and creating a better life than the average sheeple.

You don't expect everything to fall into place in a few months time, do you? Even if it took 4 years to adjust, he will only be 12! He has his whole life ahead of him! I didn't understand myself until 40 and still managed to turn things around.

Your experience in dealing with AS issues is more helpful and important than any diagnosis or anything a doctor could say. Welcome to WP.

Welcome to the right side of the wrong planet . Many of us here have had late dx's (or have a suspicion of their mentality), so you are not alone. Whatever help/info you need, we're here.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hello Uriel_sola, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

Welcome, welcome, welcome to WP.

I have a 13 son diagnosed with Asperger's. I have been through and back with this child. He is my light in a dark world. He and I have alot of the same traits, which is why I believe we connect well.

If you have any questions, or just feel like talking.........

Take care,
Teryn

Welcome! I'm also here primarily for my son, who is somewhere on the spectrum (although he is just 3 so we're not sure where exactly - we're thinking Aspie with speech delay but there is a long wait for the local specialist). I have been diagnosed as ADHD (inattentive) and find that I share a lot of traits with my son as well as the Aspies at WP (extreme introversion, difficulty following group conversation, cold/aloof seeming, no volume control, high IQ, hyperfocus, special interests, left-brain tendencies, incompetence at deception, and I freak out in a big way if I'm late or if strangers invade my personal space; I also pick at the skin on my scalp, which is apparently supposed to be a stim). I'm reluctant to identify as an Aspie as some of my other traits (changes in routine don't bother me overmuch, and I love trying new things) seem pretty incompatible with AS as far as I can tell. And I'm friendly enough, just don't have the energy or desire to maintain a normal-size social circle. Various online assessments put me either near or just barely on the spectrum. Sheesh, I'm verbose. Moving on.

At any rate, I suspect having a number of Aspie traits, regardless of a diagnosis, will give you insight as to how to help your son navigate the NT world. Imagine how difficult having a child on the spectrum would be for extroverted parents who don't have any odd little quirks! Sure, they "model appropriate social skills," but at the same time they probably don't understand the need to have six hours of alone time to recuperate from "being sociable." Whereas you or I might be fine with that, because that would give us OUR alone time.

See you around, I hope! I feel weird interjecting in most threads since most of my Aspie-like traits are probably just ADHD, but I do post on the forum for parents of AS children.

To Hethera & caseysmom:


To WrongPlanet!! !

Hey thanks for the thoughtful welcomes. I'm usually right on replies but have been away from the computer for a day or so. Busy weekend!

MeshGearFox, yes my avi is Pre-Raphaelite, it's The Lady of Shalott by Waterhouse, after Tennyson's poem. Long story. I'm glad you like it.

As far as expecting to turn everything around, I don't expect to and I guess don't really want to. In a way getting the Dx didn't really change anything. I guess my greatest desire is to shield him from some of the pain that I experienced. Which is probably unrealistic, but I think that urge to protect comes naturally from parents. And I want to help him preserve as much self-esteem as possible because he's so hard on himself.

And Hethera, thank you for your perspective. I didn't really consider how my own experience is actually a strength when it comes to understanding and relating to my son. I guess that's a window into the way I judge myself. In a way I guess he has the best of both worlds, which is a comforting realization. Thanks again.