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Hi,
I just signed in few minutes ago and decided just to post something now and hopefully get to know someone I could talk to about asperger.
My brother is 28 and has asperger. He still lives at home, doesn't have a job, sleeps until 5pm, doesn't clean his room nor his clothes and he has got a huge temper. Sometimes I'm afraid of him. But of course he's my brother and I love him very much and sometimes he shows the good side to him and we do something fun together. It just seems that he's getting worse as he gets older. I don't know who to turn to, to look for advice so I'm doing my own research online. Is there anybody here who knows of a good site for family members of people who have asperger? Is there anybody on this site who would like to chat about what I could possibly do to help him feel better?

Best regards,

F

He sounds depressed.

People with AS do not grow in to independence like normal people, often because we do not know the unwritten rules and all of the little things that people do and not talk about. When adult-hood rolls around, normal people start to make money, get jobs and have relationships. Some people with AS do these things, but many struggle. People succeed, and we stay bewildered and frustrated. Many aspie's get the underachiever mantra internalized. Eventually, some people give up. Some aspie's look 'inward' and focus on obsessional interests because it is second nature, unlike the outside world, which is confusing and constant work.

Bad temper's happen. Try and realize that meltdowns come from frustration. They are embarrassing. Leave it in the past until later. The thing with adults is punitive/confrontations wont work.

He needs to accomplish things to stay motivated. Make lists of things to do. I love lists. They are a simple-straightforward way to organize things. Start with basic needs and develop routines, simple stuff like --- wake up, brush teeth, wear clean clothes, open mail... stuff like this can be surprisingly a lot of work for some with an ASD because some of us care about what is on our minds, not the mundane social things around us. Then develop more elaborate lists from there. It sounds a little odd, but doing these little things start to lead to a sense of independence.

What he needs is hope. Ultimately, he has to make the decision to improve his situation. What you can do is try and understand him and put him in situations where he will succeed. Also, if he is way off the deep end of depression he may need to see a psych and consider formal therapy.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Welcome greetings to the WP, Finna.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hello Finna, welcome,

I hope you'll find the information and help you're looking for here on our forum.
Good luck for your brother and you and your family!

Hey again,

Thank you guys so much for welcoming me here on this forum And especially thanks to you Mr. Teacher for all the useful advice. I've discussed your advice with my parents and now we're trying to figure out a way to get him involved in routines - doing small simple stuff. He won't admit he has asperger (even though he's been diagnosed) and therefore completely denies doing some stuff that "normal" people wouldn't usually do - like going to a psych or a therapy. But this week, we (my parents and I) are going to see a psychologist who could possibly guide us how to make him feel better... And maybe even getting him to do lists of what to do - because right now he won't do anything at all. I really hope he can see the bright side of life some time soon!
Anyway,
Thank you again, and if anybody has any comment on this, please feel free to write down anything that's on your mind

Best regards,

F

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrongplanet Finna

This sounds pretty interesting because actually this is like how much girlfriend acts (well kinda used to) in many ways and her reason why she was like that because obviously she was depressed, maybe your brother could of been the same way... I had quite a temper and gotten worse while I was getting older and older but managed to have calmed it down but this year because its pretty stressful for me having to grow up but also he probably could be thinking that he doesn't want to be known as a child but finding it hard to express it, like how I was when I was younger.

This post has reflected on how I used to be.

Thank you for your post, I could suggest you to show him this site, maybe he might get an idea and he could feel more better about himself.


- superboyian