new here, but this is my input

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Greetings, my name is Snake, I am a 26 yr old gothic male aspie... I have had one previous relationship but I had to leave her. I simply came forward with my autism, and explained it. Luckily the goth community was once an open minded community. But I have noticed too, obviously, how those of us MEN with disabilities are treated as freaks, or at best dead-locked as friendship material.
But I've spoken to possibly thousands of NT girls, lemme tell you this. You speak of how they lead you on, and then block you by telling you they have a boyfriend. NT girls cannot have a relationship without playing games, and reguardless of what they may act like initially, a NT girl will never REALLY give an aspie guy a chance. It's like 1 out of a billion that will, and there are too many aspies for all of us to get a shot. It's probably somewhere around 1 out of 5 atleast who actually find love. It's more like 1 out of 3 that take their lives early (I'm not trying to be pessimistic).
However, I think several things could be done to help matters. For one, aspie girls don't usually have a problem finding love (because theyr the female, and the guy does all the courting work for them, they just hafta pass a judgement). So, if aspie girls would hold off and wait for more autism groups to find an aspie male, instead of going for the easily available NT guy, that could help. But I also think aspies need a strong pop-culture representative, a rock star. Someone that has the influence to establish new trends. Because people will be more open minded on a specific given subject once someone famous makes it "cool" to do so. But most NT's have an infinate fear of being the first to do something different.
For example, look at Maryln Manson (who I might add is fully straight). He helped the gays and bi's make acceptance through the 90's, and it even spread outside the goth community. Now otherwise narrow-minded imbucil (did I spell that right lol?) girls fake being bi or lesbian to follow a trend, and I think part of it is in their mind, to look more open minded. Theyr really image conscious.
But so are we aspie though, just in different ways. Why do you think so many aspies are crying out for acceptance and love? it's a basic human need that society is brainwashed into ignoring. The NT's don't usually have to face it, because theyr accepted in THEIR world. But theyr infinately afraid of doing anything that might loose them brownie points amoung their peers. Now, to a larger degree I think people must become more independant, but some degree of acceptance and love is a basic human need that we're being denied by a selfish, careless, and racist society against us for being "disabled".
I mean, aspies have less comolications in relationships with other aspies, we have a better understanding of one another. So I think it would benefit aspie girls too, to wait it out for an aspie man (or woman if she would rather go that way). We need to establish our own communities, develope ties, become activists, and fight for our acceptance. Fight for integration. And re-educate NT society and show them we can be just as independant as them, and that we can also be just as capable of having a relationship as them. But first we need to come together, off line, and make places where asperger is the norm, maybe some housing projects ran by aspies, for aspies, without NT parenting figures to stand over us and treat us like perpetual 5 yr olds out of their insulting pity.

welcome! It's cool to have you here at WrongPlanet. You have some good insight into people being treated as "freaks" (we've all experienced being called that at one time or another). I look forward to talking to you in the future.

part of the problem is that you define yourself as an aspie first and foremost. I'm 28 and just discovered AS. I've known i'm not like everyone else all my life but i've still tried to fit in.
So i'm myself first and and aspie second. You're essentially saying all NT girls are the same. But i'm sure there are many women like me who don't know about AS or that they are AS, which means you don't know wether they are or not.
I'm just saying don't pre judge people because they are not aspies. AN ddon't lump all NTs together.
That the problem with AS(and Goths), you say i'm different so no one will lke or understand me. Give NTs a chance.

Yes, a big warm welcome! Anyways, your post is insightful although somewhat pessimistic. I'd rather believe that I have a good chance of finding someone. I think the reason why the statistic is about 1 in 5 is because a lot of Aspies are simply not interested in a relationship - quite a few Aspies here have stated that about themselves. I would imagine that if you only factor in the Aspies that want a relationship, probably 1 in 2 or 3 find someone.

I think there are people that are more accepting than others. "Artsy" people, as I call them, tend to be a lot more tolerant of people who are "different" in the rest of society. I also find smokers, believe it or not, tend to be more tolerant people. One girl I mentioned in another thread has four tattoos and is an artsy type, and smokes, and she's been showing some good interest in me. These folks also tend to be more tolerant of gays and bisexuals than much of the rest of society.

That is true, there are a higher number of aspies than in the general population who are asexual or just aren't are interested in getting into a relationship.

Anyway it is a pleasant surprise since I have joined Wrongplanet how many guys with AS/HFA have been or are in romantic relationships. I had a belief and still do to an extent that because I have HFA, I should not be ever in a romantic relationship and should live my life asexually.

I am a girl who is in a relationship with an Aspie. I also know what it feels like to be labled a "freak". I act different than most other people myself, in fact I act weirder than my boyfriend.
We have our moments, but I wouldn't give him up. There was a time that he did break up with me. I was heart broken, and then I started talking to another guy. I didn't care for him, and I still had a lot of feelings for Tanner. And I noticed Tanner started to warm back up to me. I never gave the other guy a chance... I had to have my Tanner back. So we started talking again, and now we are closer than ever.
His family tells me that not alot of people get to know him at the personal level like I and his family members get to know him. I am also the only girl who has ever taken the time to get to know him like I do.
I actually perfer Tanner than the other b/fs I've had. The others were liars and one was very abusive. Tanner may be a bit stuborn at times, but I have my flaws too. So we tolorate with each other, and we have strong and loving bond between us.

You've made a very wise decision. A lot of girls continually choose to get into abusive relationships and refuse to date anyone who isn't a jock, and then look what happens in that newspaper article I posted last Thursday. You are a living saint who gives Aspie guys a chance and doesn't just dismiss him as some weird kid, which is what girls have been doing to me continually for the past six years. I have become sick and tired of girls leading me on, pretending to like me, then when it comes to picking a guy they ALWAYS pick someone else, and I'm "too nice". Regardless of what the girl may say, it is a blatent judgement of my character. I don't care what they say; the fact that they pick someone else over me means that there is something I lack that they want. Men are very judgemental of women based on looks; women are even more judgemental of men based on very subtle, irrelavent crap that Aspies just so happen to be unable to figure out. Only types like you, and those artsy types that consider "judgement" a forbidden word, give Aspie guys a chance. You're so refreshing. You should become an international celebrity. If female Knights were allowed, I'd tell the Queen to make you a Knight.

Why don't you come up to Southwestern Ontario and teach other young women that they can be very happy with an Aspie boyfriend or other "nice guy", and that once you get to know Aspies they are wonderful people? After all, women are continually complaining about horrible boyfriends, and they don't take people like me or some of my guy friends when they get the chance. A lot of my guy friends are nice-guy NTs and could use your help too!

If only every girl I've ever dated could read what you've written. No girl I've ever dated has considered me as a potential boyfriend - it's always "just friends". They would hang their heads in shame, discovering that their worldwide plot to marginalize Aspies is failing.

Maybe I need to go ahead and kiss someone on the lips on a future date. Then the Aspie crap will mean nothing to them! Mwahahaha

Once public awareness campaigns take place and show the entire population that Aspies are normal people, no longer will the only women who will date Aspies be saints like Megan and open-minded artsy types who don't judge others. And Aspies, at least in Canada where minority rights are sovereign, will be elevated to the level of homosexuals, Jews, and blacks, where any slight suggestion that there is anything remotely wrong with them will be the top story for both Peter Mansbridge and Lloyd Robertson on the national news.

Last edited by ELLCIM on 27 Mar 2006, 1:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I have a hard time seeing how segregating ourselves further would help us integrate, I don't mean that in a rude way, but it is true. I have heard this argument from both sides of my family for years, but as a race issue. My mothers family thinks I should only date Jewish men becuase I am half Jewish and that is problimatic for them. My fathers family thinks I should only date Indian men because I am "diluted" already by being half. Honestly though I would be cheating myself to only look for someone in such a narrow tunnel, just like I would by only dating aspies. I have a wonderful relationship with an NT (and irish catholic one, pissed off both sides of the family, lol) and I wouldn't change that for the world, I love him because of who he his, not a label he has or a country his parents are from. Perhaps you should stop thinking of yourself as an aspie and start thinking of yourself as a person who happens to be an aspie. Also the us against them mind set is probably hurting you more with women than the aspie thing is, just an observation, but every NT girl I know is a hard core "fixer" and if you broached it correctly, wouldn't care that you were aspie or not.

Is this addressed to Snake?

To the OP.

Hi! Welcome to Wrongplanet!

This post looks like an introduction to me, so I'm going to have to move the topic.

I hope you enjoy posting here!

ummmm snake..


http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.htm ... ic&t=11924

btw shes NT

Welcone to our planet. Interesting observations, that you known many of us agree with by instinct (or past pain). I hope that you use them in a positive change the world kind of way. Afteral if there is something wrong with all these normals, we are hoping to change the world.

Hi, i'll write more later but i can just say that i was interested that you used marliyn manson as an example for something and if you'd like to look to the left at my avatar, that happens to be his wife dita

Anyways Hi again

baby

I'm not trying to be more segregative, I don't hate NT's (well not ALL of them). Everytime I talk about something like this 10,000 other aspies seem to wanna be too quick to jump on the bandwagon making me out to seem like the bad guy, I'm not. I was just merely stating an idea. Not once have I ever said "Kill all NT's". But I do think we could do more as a community to fight our disposition. I'm a visionary, and an aspiring activist. I'll keep my political views off this forum other than that which deals with autism or Asperger Syndrome, or disabilities. I'm not here to offend anyone, just to get people thinking and hopefully find a better way to fix the problems out there. And to do that I hafta attack the root of our dispositions. No, I'm not talking about NT's being the root, it's more like NT dominance. There are plenty of GOOD NT's out there too. Unfortunately, it seems there is coming division within the aspies too.