Bad Consequences?

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Hey all,
I am new here. Just got a Dx a couple weeks ago. Posted stuff about it on FB. Maybe that was a mistake, but honestly I do not have a lot of people on my friends list and I don't really care if they judge me or whatever. I got a few "Wow, I'm shocked. You do well" comments which I expected. But then my aunt, who I do not know well, posted that I shouldn't have gotten a Dx and shouldn't have posted it (even tho my page is super locked and only my friends can see) because it can have super bad consequences. Really? Like what? I'm a stay at home mom- no coworker worries there. My husband also has AS- so no using it to get the kids if (god forbid) we get divorced or something. So what? I'm confused and a little worried. I take something like that seriously- guess it's the taking stuff literally thing. sometimes people are just exaggerating. Is this one of these times? IDK, thinking maybe I made a mistake? I'm one of those people that feels a Dx only helps me, I am who I am. Knowing I have AS just helps me to understand how I think and I have no shame in that. I also don't care if people judge me about it. If they don't want to be friends/like me anymore because of it...well, then I don't care if I have them in my life. I don't get along with/make friends with MOST people I come into contact with anyway. I've been dealing with people judging me and treating me like a "freak" since day 1 so how is this any different? However, I am worried she means something legal or something. Just confused right now.

Ummm, I really think your aunt made the same error that even some shrinks make. They *assume* that Aspergers = Autism (not realizing there's a spectrum involved) I don't think Bobby Fischer and Bill Gates and Einstein were in imminent danger of being write off's from society as "incompetant" by a long-shot.

She's probably speaking from her own narrow version of reality, what works _for her_ and what _doesn't work_ for her and you can't live your life, cut from the same cloth as your aunt, and walking in her footsteps. She's got to get over herself. Living your life for you, is what sounds like what she's trying to get you to do.

I'll tell you what's more dangerous than an official dx of aspergers and that is *hush hush* gossip that circulates among family, friends, co-workers, "oh she's / he's bipolar... a psycho... weird... schizophrenic... nuts... insane...".

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
-Twain

Fear nothing,and wear the Aspie label with pride. Once people understand what it is (and) just remember you're in fine company with peeps like Gary Numan lots of resources about famous Aspies on the web.

Neurotypicals love fear-mongering what they don't understand.

Last edited by AspieForty on 07 Apr 2010, 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

To WrongPlanet!! !

That's really the upshot of it all, isn't it?

I had just gotten my formal diagnosis when my daughter set up a FB page for me, as she went off to school. Immediately I began to hear from people I went to high school with 30 years ago in another state, and like an excited Aspie with an arsenal of newfound obsessive knowledge, I told everybody I talked to how I'd finally come to this epiphany in recognizing my Autism and how much I felt it explained about my entire life and yada yada yada...

And just like in high school, they immediately turned back to each other and began gossiping and babbling about the most inane things you could ever imagine a person publicly posting about themselves and their pathetically mundane lives, and ignored me as though I was never there.

The Conformity Police however, have yet to come and haul me off for reprogramming. They've managed to eliminate me from the workforce and confine me to SSDI solitude, now they'll just wait for me to die. I think the real plan is to create an in-utero test and eliminate all future Autistics through preemptive eugenics.

Relax - you're safe here...

Some scientists in the Aspergers community will hopefully step forward before that happens.

It is my belief the neurotypical person has much to learn from the A.S. community, and perhaps you are intimidating to the average person, perhaps overwhelming, intelligent and talking over their wee petty little minds ... and, they know it. When _not_ knowing what to say in response, they are left speechless. At least judging by past experience with neurotypicals in the South who have butterbeans for brains.

Speaking of Eugenics, are you absolutely certain the neurotypicals will claim victory in the end??

High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's Syndrome
... people with high-functioning autism have average or above average intelligence. ...
webmd dot com/brain/autism/high-functioning-autism

How to Succeed in College with Asperger's Syndrome
Asperger students take procrastination to a new level. Often their high intelligence allows them to compensate for poor time management. ...
ehow dot com › ... › College & Higher Education › College

But we get it done, sooner or later. Slow, steady wins the race. It is only a matter of time till we take over the planet.

mMmmMMMmmMmMmMmm...buttah beans.

Well, unless we get organized and get some NT advocates on our side, we're doomed. It's hard to win a war when you shut down when faced with confrontation. I know we're generally smarter than they are, but in spite of the tendency for some reporters to try to associate AS with violence and criminal behavior, my experience with everyone I've ever met on the 'spectrum' is we're very non-confrontational and avoidance prone. People who are violent and aggressive by nature wouldn't have so much bully trouble all their lives, but I'm sailing past middle age and still get pushed around by people with half my IQ. My anger tends to get internalized and damage me, not others.

While I think I could create great Awareness-Campaign ads, somebody still has to get out with the bullhorns and protest and march to get attention and embarrass politicians into doing something. And somebody's got to get in the face of the knowitall parents who find their Autistic children a burden and a humiliation and let them know those kids have rights to a standard of living that is a more immediate a concern and therefore more more important than some imaginary 'cure', that at this point isn't even a realistic goal.

::sigh:: sometimes just thinking it about it makes me tired...

"Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience."

"Do not attribute to malice what can as easily be attributed to stupidity."

"The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along."

I love those one-liners.

"Chaos, panic, pandemonium – my work here is done."

Welcome to the WP world, Gigi830.

You're right, and even some in the media do know better. There are many ignorant myths about A.S., and those people who are comfortable with their ignorant bigotry and prejudice, ready to stereotype an entire group of people as the underlying "blame" for society's problems. (Adolf and Uncle Joe had days like these) But in this case, blaming the Asperger/Autistic community, falls flat when put up against the facts of the evidence.

It took me years to even figure out (after the crime of statutory rape), that an actual crime had even taken place... I guess you could say the molestors walked while I existed in a state of shock and helplessness, trying to sort out the pieces alone... never received justice, never received counseling (until 20 years after the crime) because when I went to family and confided about the events... nobody was alarmed, nobody reported it to police... they turned it around on me, because I waited a year before breaking the silence. In later years, the police told me its normal when children are secretive... out of fear, or numerous other reasons, such as a suppressed memory. The crime was brushed under the rug, and eventually shifted on me (the night of the crime, I was unwillingly pressured/convinced by adults to drink alcohol, and a virgin, and statutory age -- do I need to explain myself in defense -- the perpetual guilt I was forced to carry for 3 decades) -- I finally woke up, and put the pieces together, who raped whom?
as if I'd "chosen to start my sex life" at that age. I had family accuse and tried long and hard to convince me, that it was a "choice". Being Aspergers, I was suspended perpetually questioning my own judgment... trusting the lies of scheming, manipulative cons of NT .... made my mind do cartwheels and I just couldn't find it in myself to advocate for me.

Blame the victim!

And further emphasizing the vulnerable mentality of an Aspergers person, they're just liable to swallow that neurotypical spiel; hook, lie and stinker :

Criminal Justice Professionals
"People with Aspergers Syndrome tend to live ‘by the rules’ this means that they are usually less likely to come into contact with the Criminal Justice System as a perpetrator. However their very great difficulty in understanding and participating in social situations means that they are more likely to become the victim of crime.
Many of our adolescent members have had prolonged difficulties following quite innocent interactions with the police and so it is vital that all members of the criminal justice system are aware of the needs and difficulties associated with Aspergers Syndrome.
The National Autistic Society has an excellent series of resources to help Criminal Justice Professionals who come into contact with people with Aspergers Syndrome. Many people (but not all) with Aspergers Syndrome carry an Autism Alert Card on their person which should alert you to their needs."
aspergers dot org dot uk/index.php/teachers_professionals/

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Asperger's not linked to violence, experts say - Times Online
"Experts have found no link between Asperger’s syndrome and violent crime, and traditionally sufferers were said to be more likely to become victims than offenders."
timesonline dot co dot uk/tol/news/uk/article500103.ece

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Caring for -- and Blogging About -- Her Five Autistic Children
"...When Caitlin started school, we didn't have a choice. She was the first autistic child in the elementary school. She thrived there because she had interaction with kids who didn't have autism. She knew colors and numbers that we didn't know she knew. She's had an aide since kindergarten. Now, she needs the aide only for safety reasons because she is easily misled. Someone could say, "Come here and pull your shirt up," and she would do it."
aolhealth com/2010/03/04/caring-for-autistic-children-jeanette-odonnell

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The Geek Defense
Do criminals with Asperger's syndrome deserve special treatment?
By Erica Westly
Posted Friday, Oct. 23, 2009,
"While evidence of Asperger's defendants experiencing physical abuse in prison is anecdotal, a 2001 report by the National Research Council found that people with developmental disabilities were four to 10 times more likely to be victims of crimes in general... the drugs and therapy sessions that are prescribed to adults with psychiatric problems aren't likely to help people with a condition like Asperger's, which develops in childhood and never goes away. Andy Thomson, a psychiatrist at the University of Virginia Institute of Law, Psychiatry, and Public Policy, suggests punishing Asperger's criminals with long, supervised probation periods instead.
That's largely how the courts have dealt with autism, which first showed up in criminal cases in the 1950s. Still, the legal system isn't always consistent in its treatment of criminals with developmental disabilities, and the sentences handed down to autistic defendants can vary widely depending on the court. Asperger's may prove even more challenging than autism, because it lacks the well-defined intellectual deficits that make the latter relatively easy to diagnose. How will a judge determine whether a given diagnosis of Asperger's is scientifically valid, let alone decide how the disorder relates to a particular crime? These are two of many questions that the criminal justice system faces as the number of children and adults being diagnosed with Asperger's continues to rise. "
slate dot com/id/2233313/pagenum/all/

wow, lots of great info and advice thanks guys, now I don't feel like I missed something she was saying. I guess she pretty much was doing what I thought she was: being judgmental and defensive. Not sure why I'm surprised, I spoke to my mom after I posted this and she reminded me that my aunt is a bit of a drama queen. Also, after thinking about it, I think I may know why she freaked. The adults in my family always were so proud of how smart and impressive I was (their words, not mine btw). So what if my peers didn't like me, they were jealous as far as they were concerned. I was their "little grown up"- an "amazing child" in their words. And all some seem to hear when their "amazing child" get diagnosed Aspergers is that their really a "defective child" (or adult now in my experience). Some seem to react to this defensively, as if they are being attacked. I guess they feel if they're loved one is being labeled "defective" they need to defend them. It took me a while to get that. My husband warned me that some might get this way, but I was more expecting the attitude of, "Really? Huh, I'm not sure if that Dx is good. You seem great to me." And I did get a few of those. of course those were from people I barely know who happen to be FB friends. I can do well in certain formal situations (these people were former coworkers/work "friends") where I am not in a long social interaction situation (chatting here and there, saying hi, answering basic polite small talk questions even if I myself am bad at initiating the small talk, exchanging expected pleasantries such as "How are you" although I tend to literally answer how I am doing with detail, which sometimes makes me sound desperate for attn I guess). Those who have had to work with me for long periods or those who have lived with me (I can only "perform" for so long before my brain kinda shuts down) have not argued.

Anyway, I don't personally take much offense when someone seems to argue about this with me (like they know what's in my head better than me *eye roll*) but I feel it is often out of ignorance and that is one thing that REALLY pisses me off. I can put up with some annoying stuff, but ignorance- I just cannot deal with. Ignorance is different than not knowing, I'm talking about not knowing, being presented with facts and DENYING those facts because they change your thinking or perception of an idea- ie learning. Ignorant people will not learn and NOTHING irritates me more. That's another thing. I have a BAD temper. Seen the movie "Adam"? The part where he freaks and throws stuff...yeah. That was all too familiar when I saw that. I was like, "So THAT'S what I look like when I do that. Dude. Not cool."

My mom also reacted similarly when I told her my suspicions about my AS. She felt it was a comment on her parenting (she has severe defensivness on that issue. EVERYTHING is a reflection of HER. Very annoying). When I told her it was most likely genetic and how could she have known, AS is very often undiagnosed or diagnosed later in life she backed off. Then I interviewed her about my childhood w/o mentioning why, I only seem to remember age 4 and up and I wasn't sure if I changed at some point (as some with ASD do). She told me I was always "well behaved and incredily well spoken. Like a little grown up." I apparently also never initiated play w/ other kids. if they asked me to play I usually would but if not asked I just sat with the adults and talked with them. Usually about whatever my current interest was- like maps, Egyptian history, or rocks. Sometimes, since I could read fairly well by 3 and extremely well by 4 they would have me read stuff to them and they'd OOO or whatever. Sounds horrible showing off your kid like a parlor trick but I'm not offended. They meant well. I could do all this....but couldn't learn my times tables (still don't know most of them). I also could write very well grammatically, but couldn't spell for crap(the dictionary and Google are my friends ). I also didn't learn to swim, ride a bike, or even tie my shoes until I was around 12. So, yeah, sounds like a freaking textbook. Once my mom had finished I told her, "Well mom. You know what you just described? Textbook Aspie case. And you know what? It's not bad. There are definite drawbacks in some respects, but I'm VERY happy now that I KNOW why I am the way I am." And we have been good ever since.

Anyway, thank you for the support guys. it makes me feel a little validated

I'm happy to hear somebody had a good ending to their self-discovery with "Mom".

well, we're not GREAT, but we're good. And that is way better than we used to be