Hi, I'm Ben....new here

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Hi everyone.

I'm Ben, I'm 27, I'm from Stoke-on-Trent UK.

I finally found out that I had AS a few weeks ago. It was a big shock. For most of my adult life I've realised something is not quite right, but the fact that I have adapted reasonably well (at least on the outside), coupled with my own ignorance, and the ineptitude of the NHS, has meant that I slipped through the net. I had heard of Aspergers, of course, but I think I sort of didn't want to go down the road and I think I sort of subconsciously shelved the idea. I couldn't ignore it forever and I think I sort of knew deep down it would be that.

As far as I can tell from quite a lot of study/soul searching I have AS and poss a bit of borderline personality disorder and some sort of depression, in the past I've had OCD and social anxiety, but Ive managed to control these last 2 and am a lot more well adjusted & confident. Having said all this I've done alright,. I was a computer aided designer/draughtsman for about 7 years, although I ended up punching my boss, and decided to go to uni & do music tech with some mates (better late than never). I never really adjusted to fulltime work as I spent too much time daydreaming trying to figure out WTF was going on in my head (and listening to music).

When I was 20 I was misdiagnosed and put on various meds over the years, prozac, seroxat, effexor, citalopram even quetiepine, an antipsychotic. This left me severely emotionally blunted and was probably the thing that has had the biggest negative impact on me, and believe me theres been a lot! SSRIs are evil, dont take them!! ! I've subsequently had to spend years researching and doing various meds to restore the old neurotransmitters, I'm currently on Mirtazipine, that doesnt numb you emotionally, and bupropinon, to get the old drives back. Slow progress, but one day at a time. The NHS hand out antidepressants like sweets and its despicable.

I've had my problems with drugs. Don't judge me, I've never been a smack head. But some things I thought were the answer turned out to [] me up more. Ive got them under control now, but my addictive personality hasnt helped. GHB has been my main bugbear, it has probably the most instant, strong antidepressant, anxiotytic and confidence boosting effect of anything out there. But its a dark drug and I'm off all that now. I do drink probably a bit too much but it doesnt rule my life thankfully.

Things I'm into: music (electronic, post-punk, modern/minimal classic, glitch-hop, beats/breaks, experimental, world, pretty much anything thats a bit left of the field, hate mainstream BS), art (Zdzislaw Beksinski, a f*****g amazing dark surrealist polish painter is my favourite), films (anything that is deep and [] with your head, like Oldboy & Jacobs Ladder) video games & urban exploration.

I REALLY just want to speak/meet people on my level (ie f****d up), these sorts of people are, to me, a million times much more interesting then the regular punters. So far I've never felt that connection with friends/family/girls, although not for want of trying. What I want more than anything is to find someone/some people that I can make this connection with. Hopefully, things will start to work out now I know what I'm dealing with. After trawling this site its scary just how much I have in common with a lot of the people on this board, from idiosyncrasies to interests. And that is really good, I finally feel like I've come home Now I know I'm an Aspie I can feel good about speaking openly and not having to worry about it, its really refreshing to say the least. Aspies are great and I'm proud to be one.

If anyone wants to chat or meet up my email is edtheduck83@ yahoo.co.uk. If there is anyone with AS/autism/whatever in the midlands/north west that wants to meet up it would be really good to speak to someone face to face as I have yet to (knowingly) meet someone in a similar boat. My family are a waste of time. My old mans some sort of emotionally detatched, control freak sociopath and my mum is an overemotional rollercoaster. My friends are my brothers I never, had, but I can't speak to them about stuff, believe me I tried, but they dont have a frame of reference and consequently don't really understand.

Well thats my life on a plate, sorry for the rant!! !

Welcome to WP

WOW! That sounds a lot like my parents. My Dad is a be-righter. He will give some snippet of advice about your life and then he has to be right. It's not that he conscious chooses that him being right is more important than your life going well. It's that he lives in such an intellectual realm (but not my idea of an intellectual realm, he's a rule-bound religious person and rule-bound about most other things), that he doesn't even see the emotional dimensions of someone else's life. Plus, he is often a disrespecter.

My Mom doesn't even see when my Dad is mean, sometimes up to and including physical violence. Or, she focuses on my being upset and the problem then becomes me not being upset and she will ltierally almost say anything toward the end, and that easily blends over to her justifying acts of violence.

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I'm a writer. And I feel I'm pretty damn good as a writer. (also done a little standup comedy years ago) but it's such a long shot. So, these days, I find myself thinking in terms of
high-probability job
and high-potential-payoff job.

I would recommend that you consider working part-time or during the summers, the same time you go to school, on your own terms of course, in ways that feel open and promising. This might kind of put your eggs in more baskets for you.


Thanks for the Intro! And welcome to our group!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

Nice to meet you, Ben, and welcome to the WP neighborhood.

Hello Ben, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!