New member asking for help

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Hello,

I am a 21 year old male student from the Netherlands who recently found out he has asperger syndrom. Ill have to excuse myself for some mistakes in my English because it is not my native language. Although im not officially diagnosed, i have nearly all the symptons that are related with AS. I found out about a month ago and read a lot of information about the subject and was able to diagnose myself. I have extremely mixed feelings about my discovery and need some advice on how to inform my environment and the posibilities i have seeking help. Ill first describe all the symptoms i have and how it effects my daily life.

- I feel anxiety in a lot of social situations especially interaction with strangers outside my friends and my family. I have almost no intuition when it comes to social interaction, i have to immitate people and analyze body language to be able to have a normal conversation. I trained myself to make small talk but it takes a lot of effort and energy. Also several people pointed out to me that i dont make eye contact enough during conversations and look away a lot. I have trained myself to do this very consioucly during conversations.

- I never reach out for help to anyone with problems. When i experience simple problems in my daily life that are easy to solve i dont ask for help or advice i try to work around the problems or ignore the problem completely with flight behaviour i will later describe.

- I have trouble starting but especially maintaining relationships with women. Over the last years i developed a system where meeting women for me is a not an impossibility. Not to brag about it but i am considered relatively attractive which makes it a little easier for me. What i do on parties and in clubs is screen the room for women and analyse their body language. I have read a lot about this subject and i became pretty good in screening body language to see which girls are physically attracted to me. I am than under the influence of some alcahol able to start a conversation by asking some question and trying to find a common subject. This sometimes ends in a date or a one night stand. But im never able to develop a relationship out of it and i often get my feelings hurt and im pretty sure i hurt several girls as well. It also gave me the bad reputation of being a player and a man whore in some circles.

- Ever since i was a child i have had small motorical problems. People sometimes commented on the way i walked or made fun of specific odd gestures with my hands i sometimes make.

- All my life i have been preoccuppied with meaningless facts about history for example certain wars. These meaningless details i want to know are things like when did the war end when did it start how many people got killed. I constantly look these things up on wikipedia without finding out other information. Another odd thing is i always want to know the number of inhabitants of a city and the geographical location. I can point out almost every country in the world and tell you an estimate of the number of inhabitants of the most well known cities and countries in the world.

- I have been preoccuppied with certain hobbies and interest into the extreme. Examples are movies, i have an immmense dvd collection. I also collect meaningless details about these movies, i cant watch a movie without knowing the year it was produced. Ill also have to look up the age of the actors.
During my teen years i was extremely occupied with computer games. I played first person shooters and the game world of warcraft. During my University studies my most important hobby is online poker. I have been extremely preoccupied with endlessly gathering knowledge on the subject of poker and playing sometimes up to 40-60 hours a week. While sometimes i dont play at all or hardly play. I basicly made this hobby also my source of income and im relatively succesfull at it.

- To my friends im known for my sense of humor, which is strongly pointed towards absurdism and word jokes.

- I have trouble fitting in the normal youth culture. I have trouble relating with interests most people my age have. Like music or televesion programs everyone listens to or watches.

- I live by myself for nearly 4 years now but i still have trouble with simple househould tasks like doing the dishes takes ages for me. I also have trouble managing my financial situation. Due to my poker earnings i have enough money comming in but im spending way more than needed. I have bills comming in from services i dont use but i somehow feel anxiety when i have to stop these services, so i just pay them.

- Im slowly progressing in my studies and i often feel lost because i dont know what to do or what to study. I miss deadlines and im always afriad to e-mail teachers or to take initiative in my studies. I also miss a lot because i put to much time and effort in poker which is a mentally exhausting occupation. I sometimes lie to people close to me about these things which hurts me a lot. I just dont want them to think im stupid or a failure.

- It took me ages to get my driver lincense. I hated nothing more in the world than taking driving lessons. I was extremely embarresed and was feeling like a complete failure everytime i failed the exam. In the end i suffered from a depression
and it was one of the darkest periods of my life, i did eventually pass.

There are however some things related to AS i dont have. I for example have plenty of close friends even a few close female friends. I also had little problems with bullying during my youth. I dont have any highly developed langauge skills either.
All these problems and limitation make me feel alienated, awkward, different and guilty. It feels like my life is a never ending struggle to appear normal. Everything that seems easy for other peole delivers me stress, anxiety and other problems. During the years i became an expert in hiding my problems sometimes with lies which makes me feel extremely guilty. I am also experiencing extreme mood swings and have had several very dark moments because of all these problems. The thing that hurts the most is that i have plenty of people to share it with but im incapable of doing so.
I dont think my environment realises at all my problems and im afraid to tell people. I dont know exactly if im gonna tell people and what im going to tell. I also want to know what is the best way to seek help? I hope i will get some answers to my questions and im looking forward to sharing my problems with you.

Bart

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

Welcome to WP!

Is that Nimby, as in the abbreviation for "Not In My Back Yard"?

Perhaps this destructive lifestyle, is causing some depression ... with words like "bad reputation" and "hurt". Perhaps you should rethink this behavior, and approach relationships differently where there will be no regrets.



It is not "meaningless" information. It is useful, and every fact has a useful purpose. It is a gift if you can remember these facts. You are gifted with an amazing ability and what trivia TV shows like Jeopardy are made of.



Gambling is not the most constructive outlet. It sounds as though you are putting things that need to be done, on the backburner... not prioritizing things that must be done for your own better interests. Gambling is also addictive and can become a destructive lifestyle.



Again.. it sounds as though you are not prioritizing your time, and have taken to a destructive lifestyle. It is leading to depression, which probably contributes to further downward spiral. You know some of the things you are doing make you feel "hurt" "anxious" "depressed". Then try finding a way to re-prioritize. You will feel better I think.



Not everyone passes their driving test the first time. This is normal. No reason to fret over it.



It sounds as though you have depression and anxiety, but only a psychiatrist can know for certainty. I have Aspergers, but I do not experience "mood swings". I am the same at all times, with minor variations depending on my environment. When I return to my normal environment I revert back to my same state of mind.

What you describe sounds very much like you are depressed, and have taken to some destructive lifestyle/habits, which can worsen symptoms of depression.



Maybe you don't need to confide in some people. Maybe that is good judgment that you don't discuss. You need a personal counselor who can offer you wise advise on relationships, sex, alcohol, gambling... these vices can lead to deeper problems.

I wish you luck and a warm welcome here.

I have never, and I repeat, never, have passed a driver's test the first time. Definitely, no reason to fret over it. The first time this happened, I was like "OMG." Now, I don't think about that it if I don't pass it.

Hey thanks a lot for your reply. I think you misunderstood about the poker, this has nothing to do with gambling. I dont like gambling at all. I know this is hard to understand for a lot of people but me and a lot of people make a stable living out of poker.
It worries me that it is not very social though and it keeps me from doing other stuff.

I know. Like many things, it can become addictive.

I have known of professional gamblers, one travelled with 100 bills in his wallet, and a case filled with cards and brand new sets of chips. Not online. In real life. He made a lot of money with it. He also was living "shady".... probably not feeling very good all the time.

I also had one uncle who became addicted to gambling, and while drinking alcohol, foolishly put his own house up, and ended up losing. He could not confess this to my aunt, -- he chose to simply shoot himself. Still, the gambling people came and took away the house and his wife and children was left with nothing. (Explaining why he killed himself of course).

You mentioned sometimes drinking alcohol.
Please do not drink alcohol, while gambling.

Welcome to the Wrong Planet community, Bart.

Hello Bart, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!