Another new member :)

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note: because this is so tl;dr, I'm going to put the more important parts in bold for the skim readers- hahaha.

Hi, I've been lurking for a month or two and finally made an account.

Right now I'm undiagnosed, but strongly suspect I have Asperger's. (I go in for diagnosis next monday, actually.)

I'll admit I was one of those people who didn't understand autism at all until less than a year ago. I think it probably had to do with the fact that the only people ever introduced to me as "autistic" were extremely low-functioning.

My current boyfriend has ASD (and was diagnosed very young, as his father also has it) and it was he who taught me that autism isn't the mental handicap that I'd always thought it to be. I didn't consider the option that I was also autistic, and that's what had caused all the problems I've always had, until my boyfriend suggested it. We're very alike, and he was the first person I'd ever felt I "connected" with, and who understood all my quirks. Over time, he's pointed out that all my quirks just so happen to be text book symptoms of autism, and so began my journey to read everything I possibly could about Asperger's and autism (including almost all the posts in the general discussion section on this forum- hahaha).

So, hopefully when I go in to the behavioral science place next monday they'll do a diagnosis right then and there, because I've been bouncing around between doctors and therapists for almost a month and I'm unbelievably impatient...

I especially want an official diagnosis so I can tell my ex-boyfriend. I told him over the phone a few weeks ago that I might have Asperger's, and his response was (word for word), "No! Don't say that! You're a perfectly wonderful human being. You just have some problems connecting emotionally, but you shouldn't blame your social difficulties on something like Asperger's. Don't worry. You just need to learn to speak your mind! I know you can do it in time."
...I think he's in the same boat I was in a few years back. I argued with him for a while because he pretty blatantly insulted the autistic community (including my current boyfriend and his family).
Though he still thinks I'm "too good" to have autism. Sigh.

I finally decided to bring it up with my mother, and she said she wouldn't be surprised. She says that she could believe it, as my father displays so many autistic traits (talks for literally hours on end, regardless of the interest of the other party; reads the dictionary for fun; awkward gait/facial movements, etc; has trouble empathizing, which ultimately lead to my parents' divorce... the list goes on).
(I didn't push it, but I think my mother is also pretty aspergian, herself.)
She then told me about how when I was a baby, I was clearly very social as I would stare intently at whoever was talking in a room, but I rarely made facial expressions, and maintained a "bored, uninterested look." Also I apparently had trouble "connecting with other children [specifically girls] my age" which lead to me having mostly male friends until I was 8 or 9 years old.
These two bits from her are new, though there's plenty of old stories I already knew about. When I was first learning to talk (I think it was around 2, maybe a little earlier) and I would hear a word I didn't know, repeat it a few times, and then use it in a new sentence. I also knew more about animals and the ecosystem at 6 than my mother did.
(One of her favorite little-me stories is when I was 6, she was reading me a story before bed, and she says I looked very thoughtful, so she asked what I was thinking about. I went on for about 20 minutes about how cool it was that everything was linked together, using the example that the foot prints of tapirs fill with water, allowing mosquitoes to breed.)

All this made me think back to when I was very young (maybe 4 or 5) and drawing pictures with my best friend at the time. He told me to draw a ghost, and I wanted the ghost to be angry, but I had no idea how to show that something was angry without words, so I drew a speech bubble from the ghost's mouth saying "I'm angry." My friend laughed, and he said I should give it an angry face instead. I honestly had no idea what "an angry face" was, so he had to draw it for me.
(On another note, thus begins my learning facial expressions via learning to draw haha.)

I also remember that literally all of my elementary school teachers told my mother during parent-teacher conferences that they thought I was autistic. Since I had to come to all these (no idea why, I hope they've stopped doing this by now) I would overhear and was very insulted. I was small, but I knew that autism was a "bad thing," and I certainly didn't have it. Maybe that boy who couldn't talk and needed an aid to write his name for him had it, but definitely not me. How offensive.

I also remember thinking "all the autistic kids in the school scream and yell and flail! They're clearly ret*d! I'm not!" which is pretty hilarious, because looking back I did just that... I stopped screaming/making animal sounds in public around 6th grade, but I didn't stop flailing around/flapping my hands until maybe 7th or 8th grade (and by "stop," I mean that I stopped doing it in public...).

I could go on for quite a bit longer, but this post is getting way too long, I'm sorry.

So yes, hello all, glad to be here, yada yada.

Last edited by wendigopsychosis on 12 Apr 2010, 9:41 am, edited 3 times in total.

Hello! I hadn't known much about autism either, until it was suggested that I might have AS, if not, definitely PDD-NOS. Unfortunate that your ex feels that way.

I wish you well in seeking diagnosis. You sound to be the opposite of myself during grade-school. Nobody noticed me at all. Female asperger. There was no hyperactivity to really speak of. Only socially awkward, sometimes saying things that were odd/quirky when I did speak.. I was the quietest child in class, sitting alone by myself almost always. When forced out to recess (I preferred to be allowed to stay in the classroom drawing than recess), I played alone always.
I remember once the 4th grade teacher scalded the entire class with "With the way you all treat her, its no wonder she acts the way she does."
It wasn't that I wanted to be in a world of my own, it was more that they had banished me to that existence.
My Mom attended a "Parent's Day" in 7th Grade and set in, asking my teacher, "Why does she set in the corner of the room by herself? Is she misbehaving?" The teacher replied, "No, she's one of the best behaved children I have."

Nobody noticed. Nobody gave a **** and I was suffering in silence.

Anyway, welcome.

Greetings, wendigopsychosis, and welcome aboard the WP.

@jamesongerbil: I keep hearing about how autism is becoming more common over the years, and what factors are causing "more people" to have it, but personally I think that what's really going on is that, with the invention/mainstream availability of the internet, more people know about it. I'm sure most of us could have gone through our entire lives just being "strange people" if we'd been born in the 20's...

@AspieForty: I'm so sorry to hear that That's a terrible way to spend one's childhood. When I was younger and didn't understand social norms at all, I was loud and obnoxious despite having no friends. Once I got to middle school I became the silent shadow in the corner, though. Although despite doing nothing at all and hiding, everyone noticed me. And by "noticed" I mean "made fun of." I had no friends in middle school at all, and only two or three people would even talk to me without torturing me (one of those people I'm still in contact with, and she admits that back then even she thought I was annoying, she just didn't say anything).
I maintained the typical female aspie personality through high school, though I did manage to make some friends by then. I was quiet and antisocial during the school day, even though no one made fun of me anymore, simply because by that point I'd been "trained" to act that way around my peers.

@JetLag: Thank you

Are you diagnosed ADHD (or the people you referred to as "flailing about") by chance? There are four members in our family.
Myself = Female Aspergers and very quiet. Non-hyperactive, acute attn. to surroundings, things people say and do.. occasional meltdown, but I go off by myself in private, and let the tears flow and hide my tears. Nobody ever knew what I was going through, because I hid it.
Oldest daughter = Female Aspergers and very quiet. Non-hyperactive, acute attn. to surroundings, things people say and do.. has an occasional meltdown, and does it in solitude, and does not verbalize what's troubling her.
(Her father, whom I was engaged to, back in late 80's/early 90's works with Department of Agriculture. No doubt that she inherited the predisposition or gene to develop Aspergers from myself).

I married in late 1990's to a man that had strong traits of ADHD, and a complete "social butterfly" despite abusing alcohol/drugs. He annoyed me so badly (he took advantage of my passive, good nature, and I left and divorced him. I had to eventually get a restraining order against him to make him leave me alone). It was that bad of a marriage. I would not have the alcoholism lifestyle, around my children, first and foremost. Between 97-99 we had two children:
The 2nd Youngest Child = Female Aspergers plus diagnosed ADHD. She is crawling the walls, flails about, crawls on top of the entertainment center, gets into things, does things constantly out of bad judgment that gets her into trouble. Snickers about toilet humor... constantly in trouble.
The Youngest = Male Aspergers plus diagnosed ADHD. Suspended on occasions for fighting at school. Aggressive tendencies. Mumbles... sometimes violently, if he is not winning a car racing video game and gets very angry at the game. Crawls the walls, flails about. Snickers about toilet humor... constantly in trouble.

My oldest child (female aspergers) is my ideal child. I can talk to her about any woman issue / family issue... she is deeply understanding, aware, intelligent... I can always depend on her to be responsible and help me.

The two youngest children (aspergers and ADHD) they run me over. The girl is actually worse than the boy. The boy is very loving, and often out of the blue comes to me, several times a day, "I love you Mama." "You're the best." His sister (the one with ADHD) sometimes schemes to get him to say things, she is aware will get him into trouble at home.

At school... she is introverted. She hangs her head and will not make eye contact with teachers. They say at school, she's very different than at home. She's shy and doesn't have a lot of friends. My son on the other hand, is liked by some of the girls -- one girl in particular is very fond of my son, and they sit with each other during class, spend time together at recess, and he has an abnormal "defensiveness" over those he feels are his friends... red in the face, rapid breathing kind of thing, "If anyone hurts Alesha, I'll hurt them". Very literal, and very serious...

as I've been saying boys are more aggressive, and therefore bring attention to themselves, while girls often go without notice, or diagnosis for Aspergers.

ADHD often accompanies Aspergers, but not always... and when ADHD is missing... at least in my case, worse, being female, I set off in a corner in silence, awkward, shy, afraid, broken nerves from being picked on and insulted, many times I cried because I didn't want to be at school... people were so mean, when I came home, my siblings sometimes picked on me (being the youngest)... I felt trapped like an animal, and how I dealt with it, was bottling everything in silence. I'd go off by myself and play, alone. I was not noticed, nobody cared, I was ignored and traumatized... which lead to even more peculiar behavior, which lead to more bullying, harrassment, torment in later years.

I would consider myself to be a very calm, gentle, intellectual, sensitive to others and evils I see in the world (one of the reasons I am so critical of neurotypical absurdity) -- they are not logical in the way they live their lives, esp. they never stop and consider the consequences, of the people they hurt and the lives they wreck. Recently I read that in ADHD sufferers, the pre-frontal cortex is less developed, therefore, like my two youngest children (have mercy on me, they RUN OVER ME and take advantage of my good, even liberal nature like a welcome mat)... I don't want to perpetually punish and be an "old meany" -- so my children do take advantage of me, like people did at school and in the work place.

I'm quiet, introverted, in my own world so to speak, and though I see what is going on -- I don't get involved. I get taken advantage of, because in a way though I see it, I dont react to it.
My ADHD children exhaust, and frustrate me.
When I tell them, "Do not get in the refrigerator." They wait until my back is turned, and turn the kitchen into a picnic. They have no regard for consequences or punishment. I might be asleep at 5:30 a.m., and awake to hear screaming and playing in the front yard, and my two youngest ADHD children are running about without a care in the world for offending the neighbors. It frustrates me, and I feel they are out of control. They do not reason in a logical way... Aspergers people typically are logical in their reasoning.

It grieves me, that the two youngest (unlike myself and the oldest daughter) do not stop to consider action vs. consequences. I found this interesting, research shows the area of the brain most important in the role of decision making, is the prefrontal cortex, and is underdeveloped in those suffering with ADHD.

"Babies are born with the foremost part of the brain--the prefrontal cortex--almost completely undeveloped. For children developing normally, it takes about four years for that so-called "seat of higher reasoning" to catch up with the rest of the brain in size and complexity. (For children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, the maturation of the prefrontal cortex takes longer; for those with autism, the prefrontal cortex develops early.) This would explain why toddlers (and some with ADHD) are inattentive, distractible, do not remember what you told them 15 seconds ago, and "live in the moment": when developed, the prefrontal cortex plays a key role in suppressing impulses, focusing on the task at hand and setting priorities among competing demands.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/adhd/

Sure, I want to be left alone to my own devices, but as an Aspergers female ... but when something must be done, there's a time to take responsibility, even as distasteful as it may be. I do procrastinate some times, but I get what must be done, done. I usually stop and think "If I do this? That will result." I am slow to do some things... that will involve people directly. I tend to avoid most social situations. Especially, if I believe it will cause an imposition or burden, to another person. Like my son too (despite being male Aspergers) he is "by the book". If an appointment is scheduled for 3 pm on Wednesday... he will Asperger over it, like an obsession,

9 am -- Mama... the appointment is in six hours.
10 am -- Mama... does the car have enough gas in it? We wouldn't want to be late
11 am -- Mama.. the appointment is in four hours...
11:15 am -- Mama...
1 pm -- Mama... the appointment is in two hours.
2 pm -- Mama, mama... mama...
etc.


He obsesses, which our family now appropriately refers to as "Aspergering over it," often in exact numbers of hours, minutes... seconds, if he had a watch to go by.

Aspergers by itself, is not directly related to hyperactivity or "flailing about" unless, perhaps, the person is having a meltdown.

Most Aspergers, I would think (if truly only suffering with Aspergers alone) would be off in their own world, focused on their topics of interest, and mind their own, in solitude... unless they have a combination with ADHD which may be, part of the time.

My cousin, who is Autistic (the low-functioning variety) has a routine he does not break from. He arises, eats, begins rolling newspapers, and works at it all day in solitude... and then retires in the evening. Not a word to anybody. No flailing about. He is very mechanical in his thinking... very literal. He does enjoy playing chess, and can beat the socks off anybody who competes with him. But he does not flail about, even on the low-functioning end of the Autism spectrum. He is quiet, withdrawn, .. and only if his space were intruded on, he might suffer a meltdown. Otherwise, he has a standard routine that he does not break from and has been doing since he was very young. Year after year after year.

What Makes Teens Tick; A flood of hormones, sure. But also a host of structural changes in the brain. Can those explain the behaviors that make adolescence so exciting--and so exasperating?
- deathpenaltyinfo.org
"The very last part of the brain to be pruned and shaped to its adult dimensions is the prefrontal cortex, home of the so-called executive functions--planning, setting priorities, organizing thoughts, suppressing impulses, weighing the consequences of one's actions. In other words, the final part of the brain to grow up is the part capable of deciding, I'll finish my homework and take out the garbage, and then I'll IM my friends about seeing a movie.
It is the project of Dr. Jay Giedd (pronounced Geed), chief of brain imaging in the child psychiatry branch at the National Institute of Mental Health. Giedd, 43, has devoted the past 13 years to peering inside the heads of 1,800 kids and teenagers using high-powered magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). For each volunteer, he creates a unique photo album, taking MRI snapshots every two years and building a record as the brain morphs and grows. Giedd started out investigating the developmental origins of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism ("I was going alphabetically," he jokes) but soon discovered that so little was known about how the brain is supposed to develop that it was impossible to figure out where things might be going wrong."

Welcome to WP!

What you're describing sounds more like ADHD (with combination of Aspergers possibly).

When I was in Elementary school, I was quiet as a mouse and separate. I was different and I knew it. The kids sniffed me out as vulnerable, nieve, and they picked on me. It was traumatizing and I did not like social situations.
When I was in Middle school, the same thing. I was sometimes singled out for bullying.
Despite minding my own business, and being quiet as a mouse, the bullies sniffed me out.
When I was in High School... I ended up dropping out for other reasons, including my own mother knowing I was such a welcome mat, she didn't care about completing the diploma, all she cared about was that I was so socially inept, that I could work 40 hours a week, and bring home a paycheck, and pay room and board (yes, that is highly illegal and against child labor laws). So I was forced to drop from school, er, well, given no choice.

I got the distinct feeling from people, they had the impression that I was "less than an animal," and did not deserve the same rights as other people. I could not advocate for myself, I was stuck alone at age 13 on a TRS-80 in the isolation of my room, writing computer programs for hours, -- I could relate to a computer, but not to people. Quiet as a mouse, and trampled like a herd of bulls (so-called neurotypicals).

Because of that quiet, passive, generous, nieve nature (being Aspergers), I got taken advantage of, lied to, used, victimized and then the "crime" shifted over on myself, manipulated and ... I suppose withdrawing behind four walls, obeying the laws... and being an ideal citizen that does not harm anyone, or cause any problems... I suppose you could even say I was "anti-social". But the entire time, a rage was growing in me. I might not have the ability to verbalize things, but I saw and was fully aware of how evil, manipulative, scheming, hypocritical and dishonest people are. The things they did to me... because I was meek and passive and did not fight in my own self-defense.

My oldest daughter is not ADHD.
She wanted friends in High School. Some of the bullies, pretending to be her friends, offered to paint her face with cosmetics. They put mascara on her eyelashes. Her eyelashes fell out. I'm almost certain they laced the mascara with Nair, or another hair remover.

She often came home crying, because she was a magnet for bullying and teasing. Awkward, shy, meek. She, like myself, want to be left alone to her own devices (or is it vices) -- she has friends on the internet, some of them Aspergers, and they talk about their own interests. She is very quiet.

... and no, they never left her alone, in High School, the bullying and teasing only got worse and she became that much more withdrawn from socializing.

My two youngest who are Aspergers + COMBINED ADHD... are another story.
They have just enough Aspergers to draw attention to themselves, but if they are bullied, -- the ADHD (inability to discern on action/consequence) my son will fight... my daughter (if pushed into it) will become violent. Neither of the ADHD children ever seem to think in terms of "rules" when it comes to bullying... they do not think in terms of logical "action = consequence" leading to impulsive and unruly behavior.

Loners, yes... but they will fight back.

Aspergers (without combination of ADHD) it would seem should tend to be passive introverts and quiet as a mouse (which would naturally draw attention on themselves, for bullying). Mistaken as "stupid" and a "pushover". Nope... this "big dummy" has a high IQ.. so does my oldest daughter.

I was picked on through school... when I worked in public, I was traumatized by certain management and a handful of employees... I was taken advantage of by people in the community... with "friends" like that, who needs enemies. Many probably presumed I was the "county idiot" -- because I was a SUCKER!... but today, I work part-time in journalism, and my main topic of interest is Science, and often coming into contact with variegated scientists, when seeking answers to questions.

Those "geniuses" who picked on me, tormented me, presumed I was "dumb", are still out running the roads, getting drunk, drugged up ... parasites and a pimple on the arse of society, trying to fill that black hole they call a "human soul"... and I maintain vague acquaintances with intellectuals online. My home is a quiet, peaceful sanctuary.

Hey wendigopsychosis,

Welcome to Wrongplanet.net Forums

Yes, I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 12. (It took so long because none of my doctors wanted to do a diagnosis because I was "too young"...which is obviously wonderful logic.)
Though my boyfriend and I agree that I don't display all the symptoms of ADHD, and I was only really diagnosed because I was a problem child.
I did the stereotypically aspergian thing of looking down/elsewhere while the teacher was talking, and gave the appearance of not paying attention, though if a teacher tried to pull the calling-on-the-kid-who's-spacing-out-to-teach-them-a-lesson trick, I would not only answer their question, but repeat back to them everything they'd just said as well as the answer.
I also got in trouble very frequently for arguing with the teacher. My fourth grade teacher once tried to do a brief run-down of evolution for the class, and had a diagram showing a chimpanzee slowly transforming into a human. I raised my hand and went on and on about how she was wrong, her chart was wrong, and humans didn't evolve from chimps; both humans and chimps evolved from a common ancestor, and our groups eventually diverged to become several different species of apes.
Unfortunately, that was the one teacher I had who actually made the annoying kids stand in the corner for ten minutes...

@Tim_Tex: Thank you

@superboyian: Thanks! And thanks for the word art lol

To WrongPlanet!! !

Aw, so many cute word art signs Thanks.

That's precisely what the school told me about my 2nd daughter. She is Aspergers + ADHD (or safe to say ADD). She is listening and asorbing everything going on in class, but outwardly, appears her mind is off elsewhere. She tends to doodle on paper, and claims it helps her focus, and listen to what is being said in the classroom... especially if she's stressed, she destresses by drawing anime.



You're CORRECT about your science. I'm sure that ticked off the teacher. Chimps didn't even exist during the "Old World" ape period, in primate evolution. I corrected a Sunday School teacher once, correcting her, that "Moses was not a Jew, he was of the Levites". And I paid dearly for my "inappropriate conduct" for correcting her high and mighty all-knowingness, she accused me of being "demon possessed".



My daughter often complained of a teacher at the school whom, when she asked for help, would "roll his eyes" and other gestures. She felt unwanted in the class, and discouraged from asking questions or for help. TODAY... with the recent Aspergers diagnosis (they already knew about the ADHD) they're working on modifying an Individual Education Plan (IEP).

Like your daughter, I was also of the doodling to aid concentration mindset. I still do it haha.
I once had a teacher in middle school who took off points for every doodle on my assignments. It was horrible, because I had to stop doodling, so I had nothing to do, and would thus zone out and not be able to pay attention to the class...

And don't get me started on the arguments I had with my Sunday School teachers haha. I got in huge trouble when I was six for yelling out, "Wait! People actually believe in god?! I thought we were playing pretend!"
I remember once we all had to draw what we thought god looked like. I drew a cloud. The teacher asked why I did it, and I said that "Well, since it's not really possible for there to be a real god, I thought maybe we're thinking about it the wrong way! I drew a cloud of gas that caused the big bang!" (Yes, yes, I know this is not at all how the big bang could have happened haha. I was only seven.) They made me redo the assignment, so I decided to spite them by drawing pikachu. I told my mother and she said she was very proud of my gas cloud haha.

God, I think every once of my teachers has been an eye-roller. Once I was even taken out of the normal class and had to spend half of the school day in a room alone with an aid. That was unbelievably boring, and I was furious because I was missing out on school...