Hello all!-
It's three A.M. Pacific time (that's right, in the morning), and I decided to join up, after spending another sleepless night in front of the computer. I was just diagnosed last Friday with Asperger's, though I've suspected for some time that I was a member of the "tribe." My four year old daughter was diagnosed with PDD-NOS last year, after teachers in her preschool had suggested to my wife and I that she might be autistic. Initially, my first response had been a mingling of shock, dread, and denial. After all, everyone knows autistics are essentially "ret*d." Or at least, that was the notion I had been raised with. Picking the brains of my daughter's teachers and hunting the internet for anything I could find on autism, I soon learned that was a very dated way of looking at the condition. In fact, names like Einstein, Lovecraft, Newton, Jefferson, Warhol, and others were brought up in my web searches as examples of creative, brainy individuals with high functional autism and Asperger's.
Then the moment of epiphany came for me, personally. Looking up the symptoms of Asperger's, I found a great deal of them applied to me. Not only that, but I soon discovered how Aspies of my generation (I am about to turn 44) were often misdiagnosed with ADHD, or as they used to call it in my day, hyperactivity. From my earliest childhood memories, up into my adult years, I was the misfit who often was so socially impaired, I was often perceived to be ret*d, and yet at the same time, I was often the smartest kid in class (except for math, which I was truly a dullard in). Even though I for the most part excelled in college, worldly success has eluded me to this day - not that that matters, my wife and I are a couple of bohemian types who wear our poverty as a badge of honor.
I think only other Aspies can appreciate that moment when the senselessness of my life finally did make sense. And for the first time, I could recognize autistic behavior in my father and a great uncle, both of whom had gone to their graves without ever knowing this about themselves. My wife at first was skeptical; after all, she only knew me for the last eleven years, during which time I had learned to become somewhat less of a square peg in a round hole. The fact that I am even happily married, she thought, discredited this notion I had. She didn't know the lonely kid I had been growing up, wanting social acceptance, but finding myself more often than not ostracized. Not that I didn't have friends, but these were few, and often were on the margins of school yard acceptability themselves. But when I asked her to read up the literature on various internet sites, her opinions changed. She recognized my verbosity, and narrow interests (such as history and anthropology, which I could talk about to her, till she's blue in the face!), my meltdowns, and my eccentricities as the most obvious signs of Asperger's.
Late last year, I had spoken to my wife about getting myself diagnosed officially. After all, as a recipient of disability benefits for a physical disability, my wife had been able to put both myself and our daughter on her insurance, so I had had the means. She had thought it was a good idea, though because one thing or another had come up unexpectedly - car troubles, the flu, winter weather, etc. - I hadn't gotten around to making an appointment with the psychologist who had diagnosed our little girl until last month. Now, this doctor specializes in diagnosing children, but because he had gotten to know me personally, he had agreed to check me out as a favor. Sure enough, after all the testing and interviewing was done, he came to the same conclusion I had months ago.
And so that's my story, at least as far as Asperger's syndrome is concerned. I thought I'd just introduce myself, and maybe get to know some others in the same boat.
- Bill, otherwise known as kraichgauer
Last edited by Kraichgauer on 17 Apr 2010, 3:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
13 Apr 2010, 6:13 am
