What would you do?

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Hello all-

Just today, I was on the phone with a long time friend, who has been so close to my wife and me that we asked him to be our daughter's Godfather. During our discussion, he informed me our little girl has to behave better in public, or he will want us to leave her at home. Needless to say, I was more than a little flabbergasted. I did remind him she has been under steroid treatment, because her kidneys had been leaking protein (the steroids increased screaming fits, table banging, the use of the F bomb, etc). And when I told him her teachers at preschool, who deal with autistic children everyday, recommended that harsh discipline was counter productive, he answered with autistic children needed harsher discipline than regular children.
My wife blew her top after I told her this, and now she no longer wants to socialize with this couple. I am torn. Yes, I am angry at my friends. Yes, my child will always come before them. But, because I have a lot invested in this relationship, I don't want to just end the friendship. So I'm asking any and all Aspies reading this: What would you do?

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgau

Consistency is mandatory. But, harsh discipline? I suppose, if you call "harsh" spending time in "time out" or losing privileges.

Spankings will be counter-productive, because earnestly, I don't believe the Aspie child can step outside themselves to recognize their behaviors, or even fully realize what they are doing... especially not a child. They need a lot of TLC balanced with discipline.



I would probably share your wife's sentiment, myself. I would not want their influence directly affecting my child. But if my husband continued to be friends with them, I suppose it wouldn't bother me... just as long as my child was not affected by their ignorance of Autism.

Spanking usually works, and should not be assumed it doesn't
unless its illegal or it doesn't work in a specific case.

It would work in a certain family if it were not illegal,
whose children who DO know better , and emptied the contents
of every container within reach onto the kitchen floor.
What would YOU do?

Idea I just thought of: Make them clean it up. They know how,
and it would have taken them 100 times longer to clean it up
than to make such a mess.

The way that it works when it works, can be seen in public behavior.

If something else is equally effective, then what is it?

Public misbehavior is disgraceful.
I agree that it should not be permitted,
unless you want to live in a low-quality-of-life neighborhood, full of mischief,
like the one you are building for yourself.

The scenario is semi-hypothetical.
The rest is opinion.

Take a look at what turned up on AOL. Alongside Britney Spears giving her baby beer... how many more role models for parents will the media push?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQGpxFmxrBc[/youtube]

Pint-Size Star of YouTube Cooking Video Stirs Up Sweet Success
http://www.parentdish.com/2010/04/16/pi ... t-success/

Pint sized terror is more like it, and the Dad admits in the article that: ""We gave her permission to say 'Shut up, old man!' " her dad says, adding that Zaylee Jean has managed to slip that phrase into a couple conversations since the filming."

I'm wondering if Kraichgauer's daughter acts anything like Zaylee Jean, and perhaps he could share the video with his friend, and wife... and perhaps they'll appreciate how well his child behaves, by comparison.

spanking might work in some cases but..

Side efects include: nightmares,truma,years of theripy,PTS (past truma syndrome),meltdowns(with autisim) and retaliation.

so on better thought its not a good idea.

Caring for -- and Blogging About -- Her Five Autistic Children
http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/03/04/car ... -odonnell/

AOL Health: Do the kids behave themselves in school?

JO: "Society doesn't have to accept my kids, but I have to make these kids accept what society expects. They have to live by society rules, and that means no meltdowns in public. Years ago, we had a behavior therapist for Caitlin, who was coming home and tearing clothes out of closest and drawers while behaving well at school. The therapist said, "What would you prefer? For her to be loopy at school or home?" They need an outlet, so they have one at home. They can jump and flap and hum and do whatever they want around here."

---

But my kids are Aspergers, and when they're home, they quietly withdraw into their own planet. They have their favorite interest, such as a video game, or cartooning community, or quietly reading a book on vampires... its almost like four people living different lives, under the same roof. There's not that much problem with all the hyperactivity... until my children are at school, or in public, and their routine disrupted -- which sometimes leads to meltdown.

With three A.S. children, I have _never_ found harsh, rigid punishment to be that effective with my kids. They need a lot of love and understanding, more than anything else. They have trouble communicating simple things and NT's take that for granted. All the more the need for love and understanding vs. rigid punishment.