I don't like having my own thread

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but ultimately decided that this would be the best way to start a discussion.

I'm 26, and have just recently considered that I might have AS. I have always known that I was different, but for some reason I never really questioned a neurological disorder, at least not of the genetic variety. I thought that it was my upbringing. Perhaps I hit my head and lost my social abilities.

... and this would be the point where I question just how I will be interpreted. I would expect that the community would be welcome and forgiving, but I don't want to intrude and I don't want to step on any toes. I'll toss everything but the first sentence in that paragraph. I don't know--is disorder offensive in any way?

Anyways, I have no long term relationships, so to speak. I have moved roughly once every two years from ages five to seventeen. I didn't have many friends wherever I was, and I'm no longer connected to any of them. I worked and lived on my own since I was kicked out. I don't aspire to remain connected to any of my family members. They have seen me and my mistakes. They have heard my wrongheaded opinions. I can't help but feel ashamed that they are reminded of the pain that I have caused them.

I came to consider AS, as I had to explain an emoticon on the SomethingAwful forums to my wife. I knew the basic rundown, having read of it in a few threads. That they referred to so many posters as having AS-like qualities, and that AS seems to be easily to improperly self-diagnose, I did not previously consider whether or not I had it. I opened the Wikipedia page to read the tendencies to her, warning her in advance that I do not take self-diagnosis seriously, and that many "antisocial" people would have similar qualities, but not the disorder. I expected myself to be a broad-strokes match. As I read the page, I kept a mental checklist with surprisingly few empty boxes. One symptom stopped my oration cold: sensitivity to noise. Loud noises hurt me. At every school assembly I attended, I had to cover my ears whenever there was clapping. It hurt me. I learned how to close my ear with one finger, and will be forever on alert for sources of loud noise. This correlating symptom just seemed too far detached from the social dysfunction to be a coincidence.

It's funny: I can successfully interact with people at a basic level, but it feels like cheating. I know that the faces and noises I'm making create the responses I desire, but I'm forcing it. Once it's supposed to "mean" something though, I fail. Does this person like me now? Did I do a good job? A workmate told me that he isn't sure when I am being sarcastic or serious. He has two Autistic children. I was afraid to tell him about my reading on AS. Would I make him angry? Would he feel that I am encroaching upon a too-sensitive topic? He seems to be a wise and understanding man, but I can never be certain. Many people have been angry and offended at me over the years, and I have always tried to be a good person. He was receptive, and we talked about it some, but I'm not sure how he judged me. I'm kind of afraid to talk to him now.

My wife is concerned for me. She says that I'm different in public. I know that I am. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled. I don't know whether or not to tell him about my AS theory. I was already committed to seeing him about my social problems before I read about AS. The more I read about it, the more I'm convinced, but I don't want my (potentially false) understanding to cloud the diagnosis.

I'm going to cut this post here, before I say too much.

I'm open to questions as well as spelling and grammar corrections. Thanks for having me.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

I'm Shelby, and I like the 60s.

I am pleased you are here!

Hello. Sounds like you are very sensitive about other peoples feelings and needs. I didn't see anything there that would offend anyone. Disorder is fine, afaik.

Hi Shelby. Do you like riddles? The 60s have me sad these days. My reading of the lyrics of a 1968 b-side has me angry at a once-favoured band. Certainly these lyrics hold humanity back. I used to even like the song before I became seriously in favour of a more utopian future and the necessary events between now and then.

Thanks for visiting my thread.

Diagnosis should involve extensive testing, so your self-diagnostic suspicions shouldn't affect that one way or another. If your psychologist has experience with Autistic adults, they know what to look for. My understanding is that a Psychiatrist may be more reluctant to diagnose Asperger because there's no medication for it. If they knock it down to mere social anxiety or depression they can fill you up with pharma.

I self-DXd to my therapist after going in for depression, and she concurred, then sent me to a licensed psychologist for formal diagnosis.

I try to be. Sometimes my intuition is good, but there have been many times when I am wrong. Sadly, the only way I can learn is through feedback. Some people aren't honest about what they think of me though, so it has taken me a very long time to learn how to behave. My wife still believes I misbehave badly. I am glad that she tries to provide feedback and she is patient with me.

Thanks to you, and LadybugQ for the welcome.

Thanks for that. This is my first referral from my GP. I do not see how medication would be appropriate for my symptoms, and I will certainly question critically any advice to the contrary. I do not know what type of service will be available to me through my healthcare provider, but I am definitely interested in a proper diagnosis.

Last edited by shakypremise on 07 Jun 2010, 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi shakypremise, Welcome to WP. I guess if you're uncertain about mentioning your theory about Asperger's to the doctor, you could just provide a list of the symptoms that you feel need investigation, rather than providing the label.

Welcome to WP!

Hello, shakypremise - and welcome to the Wrong Planet forums.

Hello shakypremise, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!