Yup... that's me....

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I joined WrongPlanet listing myself as "Aspergers Undiagnosed." I'm 34, and my entire childhood was terrible. Never fit in, always bullied, socially screwed up in every way imaginable, but because I'm a GIRL no one thought to look closer. No, all anyone could ever see was my high level of intelligence yet complete lack of social graces and faux pas. I struggled with all relationships and eventually learned to imitate everyone successful around me. As an adult, I frequently am aware I do not feel "like myself" and practically like I have a dual personality: one I present in public, one I really am inside. After any sort of social event (where I come off quite well) I am so drained I feel dead.

I have three sons. My 13 year old was diagnosed Aspergers at age 6. My 10 year old was just diagnosed ASD. My 7 year old is brilliant but doesn't appear to have anything on the spectrum... yet. The two older boys have immense difficulties I won't go into here, since this post is about me

I have eyed all the tests they have done on my boys and know that if I were to be tested, I would definitely be diagnosed an Aspie. However, I won't do it because that won't help me... I already KNOW that's whats up with me... so I don't care! (As for my children, it's highly beneficial because the school system is so much more helpful.) Looking backwards at life, I can hardly believe anyone missed my diagnosis!

My mother tells me that when I was born, I screamed if anyone touched me. Apparently, I also never slept through the night until I was four, and was pretty much miserable all the time (especially the touching!). I frequently had tantrums and screamed my head off, going off into rages that no one, including me, could understand. I saw "The Hulk" on television when I was eight and named my rages my "Hulk Side." We learned when I was 25 I have Celiac Disease, and the explanation for my rages was found: gliadin. (It's half the gluten protein. When a Celiac eats gluten, the gliadin causes the brain to react in really odd ways. I could go on and on about this subject but for now I digress.)

I was always feeling sick and had serious trouble focusing but did not have ADHD. None of the medications they tried worked (of course not) and my mother tried everything you can think of. In school, I was bright but barely managed to pass anything, although we couldn't figure out why. I never dated, but all my friends were guys. My school experience in general was a total nightmare.

I went to college at 17 as a pre-med student but told my mother I didn't want to be a doctor because I didn't like people (that went over well). I tried to explain that I liked people on some level, but I didn't "get" them. No one understood what I meant- I don't think *I* knew what I meant. I dropped out of college at 19 and joined the military so someone would tell me what to do. The ASVAB placed me as an Avionics Engineer, but they moved my billet in boot camp and I became a police officer instead. Let me just say that was a TERRIBLE fit for me. I got out after a year for many different reasons, including a screwed up left foot that eventually required surgery. Therefore, I'm a disabled veteran according to the VA.

My three sons are from my first marriage (it was bad. The end.). I eventually got my Associates Degree in general studies, and sort of didn't know what to do with myself. I felt very aimless and hid in my house a lot. It sucked! I returned to college two times, not sure what I was doing but liking class because of the structure.

Eventually, I ended up as a journalist, and after a year and a half of watching how people just lie their heads off (I'm disgustingly honest, is anyone surprised?) I had to quit because I couldn't stand the lack of integrity. I married my second husband (he's an engineer) and now I'm returning to school... to be an engineer! In my mid thirties, after a huge school break, I had to return and relearn all that math I forgot (and discovered I'm good at it). My plan is to get a degree in electrical engineering/chemistry and then move on to Neural Engineering (a PhD program). Why? Because I want to understand what is happening in my head! Finally, I have a plan that makes sense, a goal I know I can achieve, a drive to find out what's going on, and that strange aimless wandering feeling has dissipated.

It's nice to know there are piles of Aspies out there with stories just like mine. It's also nice to know that as a woman, I'm not alone either. It has always sucked that I want to hang out with the guys and talk about space lasers and the mad scientist lab I wish I had, but I always end up talking with the women because I'm "supposed to" and I really don't give a flaming flying squirrel about just about anything they're talking about. Glad I found Wrong Planet... I think I fit in

Welcome to WP from a fellow Texan!

I'm glad to have you here. This is one of the very few places where I actually fit in.

Greetings, monkeybutt, and welcome aboard the WP.

Hello monkeybutt, welcome,

Good luck with your career!

Enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

Thanks for the welcome! I have been reading a lot of posts on here and I keep saying "yup, yeah... uh huh me too" and various things like that. Sometimes I've been saying "I feel that way too but never said it out loud!!" HAHAHA awesome. I love Wrong Planet... I think I belong

Welcome here.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my 60s time warp.