New to site...Finally a place where I can be understood!

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Not really sure where to start or where this blog is going to go so this will be a long one since I have never had the opportunity to be in a place where I am better understood. For starters, I have so many unanswered curiosities and have never been comfortable asking or talking with "just anyone" on this subject. I've found that I am more often than not misjudged and misunderstood and written off that it has made life a difficult road. I cannot say that I am constantly depressed but I am not always truly happy either..But then again what is true happiness if you're not sure whether or not you experienced it, lol. I guess if there is a word to describe what I think I am feeling it would be for the most part content with some highs and lows now and again.
My background and things revealed: I recently had a long discussion with my mother that included the venting session as I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I have grown tired of social pressures in general and attempts to to "fit in," live up to the expectations of others, to be the team player (when younger in school and P.E. and now professionally), being forced into social situations which makes me feel uncomfortable and foolish. In actuality, I do best when I am left the heck alone to go about my business in a way that suits my though process and habits. While my mother has always had an understanding and acceptance of me, most others have not. It was in this discussion, my mother mentioned I was diagnosed as a HFA as a toddler, which was over 30 years ago, but nothing much was discussed since. School age years were tough. I was "that kid" who was viewed by teachers as having discipline problems, acted inappropriately and had an intelligence level that exceeded peers. Even worse were interactions with my peer group. I was never fully accepted and had few childhood friends. Even though things improved with age, and that there are some folks out there who are a bit more accepting and appreciate the occasional "odd ball", it is still isn't easy.
So who am I now? A fiercely independent and mature woman (as in age) who has been able to get by or somewhat assimilate to be functional. Through years of being the outcast and a loner, I learned not to place too much stock into or rely on others and has become a fiercely independant woman. I've held a steady "job" for many years but still lives with being "weird", "eccentric" or "wired different." I chose a profession for which I have a passion where I can excel and (scientific/research) utilize my habit of becoming engulfed in topics of interest. Another bonus in my field is that oddness may be somewhat more acceptable than in others, yet suffering or lacking in the social department remains. I am still the odd-woman out, who does not get invited to join the others for lunch (school yard memories relived) and gets emotionally drained in attempts to play the social game and will only do things socially-work related when "dragged", such as an obligatory work related function. But then again, I understand that not sharing life interests, such as refusing to have children, and caring less about topics which I find meaningless, such as small talk and sports teams let alone playing team sports does not make me a prime choice for an invite to most things anyway. A poetry reading or book club at a hole in the wall cafe...now that's a different story . Going back to the subject of sports, I was always the last kid picked in P.E., when I was there and not playing hookie that is . Athletic activities which can be done individualistically, such as running and swimming that does not rely on teams and interaction is a totally different story but would not interest the sport team fans co-workers.
The people who I consider dear and close accepts me for who I am and I appreciate them more than they will ever know . As far as me personally accepting who I am and being told about the diagnosis, do I really have a choice? I cannot change that and I simply deal with things on my own terms and to my best ability. So I guess it is it is a form of acceptance of the things that are unchangeable and making due with what one has. How do I deal with people in the world that are not in the circle of family or close friends? Frankly, I reached the point, and maybe this has also come with age, that I really shouldn't have to explain myself and they me for who I am or leave it. If folks choose to be appreciative in what I have to offer and can tolerate me being me...I would return the kindness since they took the time to open that door. For those who choose to turn their nose, talk their talk, sneer, or avoid, I usually disregard and write them off and will only deal with them when absolutely necessary, such as in the professional setting. Sometimes in the work setting, I know this is bad, when I purposely want to get a rise out of someone who has irritated me, I have on the rare occasion played sneaky harmless pranks, such as such as changing colors ever-so slightly on a computer screen, a radio station, or slightly moving things around on someones desk.
I am thankful that I had the revealing discussion with my mother. It led me to conduct research which shed light and provided some explanations. Although I always felt and still feel alone, it came as somewhat of a relief that though I feel alone, I am not truly alone as there are other people with similar experiences. I look forward to meeting you.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

I'm Shelby, and I'm a Kinks Fan who likes the 60s.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to the Wrong Planet neighborhood, iamme73.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hey welcome! Im very new here myself. About your story all i can say is wow. I could almost copy and paste all of that and write a post saying this is me. I wish we went to school together. I would have had someone that knew. It can be so lonely but sometimes i guess thats how we like it. I work in a bank where all the guys are into football and beer. Sports and hanging with 'work buddies' at a bar is the last thing i ever want to do. I too feel at home here. Its like im from an alien planet and have finally found my 'people' the name for this site is so correct.

" Its like im from an alien planet and have finally found my 'people' the name for this site is so correct."
-Yes, it is very fitting and a comfortable place to be!

Hello iamme73, welcome,

Nice you're also doing science / research.

Enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

You are definitely not alone. It's a shame that so many of us have to go through life feeling this way. I'm also a very "independent" woman. I'm content with it most of the time, but it sometimes gets lonely. NTs just don't understand : ( It's nice to have fellow aspie to lean on for support who understand what you are going through. Welcome to the Community!

Nice you're also doing science / research

Glad to see someone else out there in a similar area of interest! Nice to meet you.