New, undiagnosed, looking for perspective?

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Hello. I am a 26 y/o female. I have since childhood dealt with mental health issues, I was diagnosed with LD in math, english and reading and had been on an IEP and worked with a case manager since i started school, up untill I graduated. However, I never understood why, because my parents did not talk to me about what was going on, nor did they ever share anything with me, it wasn't untill I was 17 and was offered my school records that I was even aware that I was diagnosed with learning disabilities or the stack of other notes about me and behavioral problems, also not even knowing what the hell an IEP was. I just always knew I had a harder time in school then most kids, and got extra help for it. When I was about 13 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and put on prozac, which my father detested. I ended up having to hide it from him for years that I was taking the anti depressant.

I have always been very independant and felt older then my age group. I have always felt like i think differently then everyone else. I truely believe I am a good person and nice. But i get irritated and angry easily. I end up biting my lips, or digging my nails into my nail beds, or gums to ease the anxious kind of.. tension I'd guess? Sometimes noises or certain pitches bother me so much I want to cry or scream. for instance my daughter crys in one certain pitch that makes me go bananas, and I cant help but go in another room close the door and plug my ears and pace untill she stops. And when I go for runs, if people on motor cycles ride by and rev their engines I get so pissed off cause it makes my blood hurt. ugh. I also notice too that when my boyfriend kisses me lightly on the head it does the same thing, and I end up making him feel bad, cause I get so irritated. I even tell him its not that he does it, its just how light he does it, so he'll jokingly kiss me harder on the head, but its true it doesn't bother me as much. I am so tired or hurting people I care about because I am so irritable about stupid things.

My other problems is I get so into things, mainly arts and craft related for a few months and I could do really cool things with them. Like for instance I make these brooches, and everyone says they like them and I could sell them on etsy, and I spend a month or two straight making them every night, so pumped and into it. and now I cant even stand the thought of doing it. Now I am obsessed with vitamins and minerals and want to spend every night looking up info on that. I could be making extra money utilizing my talents, and instead I am so often uninterested in things that I was interested in and it is very depressing in itself. I feel like I am unmotivated, but I know its just possibley part of maybe who I am.

This is just a tid bit of info about me, that maybe would give you some insight into my life. I have not been to a therapist since my pregnancy, because I did not like her. She just kept telling me to breath all the time. I know how to breath, I want to know wtf is wrong with me, why cant I be the person I feel like I should be?

does any of this make sense to anyone?

Does anyone feel like they are trapped in a body sometimes?

Maybe I feel this way because I feel maybe I have been (in a large part) misdiagnosed my whole life, not because of drs but because of my parents and their neglect to get me proper whatever back then. My brother I suspect may be in a similar situation and it breaks my heart. I feel like a tree stuck rooted in the ground watching the world happen around me and I am just stuck.

I am going to try to find a good psychologist to help me get a diagnosis, proper, if not for this for whatever. but I feel that Aspergers fits my personality almost to a T.

thanks for reading

To WrongPlanet!! !

To WrongPlanet!! !

Your symptoms sound like a lot of us here on WP, so there is no reason to feel your alone. Welcome to WP, over time many things in your life will start to make more sense as you read the forums and research the internet, it's a wondrous journey.

Welcome greetings, fellow-traveler Marsaswan, to the WP neighborhood.

The brooches you make sound lovely...continue to make them and start your own little business. You can sell them at craft shows (and other places) and make a nice little income for yourself. That's how many small businesses get started...do what you love and the money will follow.

It is too bad that your previous therapist did not work out but, she sounds pretty typical for the many incompetent people who work in the mental health system. A person often has to go through several therapists before finding the right one. So, don't feel too badly. It is the "smart" people, like yourself, who recognize the incompetency in such "idiots" working in mental health and knowing when to look elsewhere for the "right" therapist who seems to just "click" with you.

Nice meeting you!

Honestly, I'm just thrilled to read stuff from younger members. Where I grew up, I was shunted aside; my "weirdness" was acceptable because I functioned well, though absolutely miserably. I'm so, so glad that kids are routinely screened for everything now. If either of my kids develops this (so far, I think one is going to develop it), I know I can count on resources.

Mind you, I'm from an (also-)undiagnosed aspie mother, who chose "faking it" early in life.

Welcome to WP, marsaswan. Glad you found us, hope you find some answers here.

Well, even without a DX for Asperger's syndrome, you do have sensory sensitivity. Sensory sensitivity - especially sensitivity to sounds - is very common among people with AS, but it is also found in some NTs. It is sometimes called hyperacusis by audiologists - but they only focus on the sound aspect. Sensory sensitivity can affect any or all the senses (including the sense of balance). You seem to be sound sensitive and touch sensitive - it is not uncommon also to be sensitive to bright lights, "scratchy" clothing (e.g. labels inside the collars of shirts), and maybe particular tastes or food textures as well.

It is hard to explain to someone who isn't sensory-sensitive - they just don't see how ordinary sounds and soft touches could have such a big effect on you. But those sounds and touches do drive you instantly crazy, as many people here know.

Welcome here.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Thank you for the welcomes and replies. I already feel much better =)

Hello Marsaswan, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!