My Story (Input Please?)

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Well, I just joined this website today, and I really want to share my full story. It's quite long, but I really want to get it out, and would like to hear any feedback. I am currently 14 years of age, and have just finished eighth grade. I have some questions too. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this!

Early Life: Well, ever since the beginning, my parents had always said that I was a unique child. Ever since I could walk, I had developed the ritual of pacing. I would do it often, especially when music was playing. I've been pacing ever since. It's usually to concentrate or get my thoughts in order. It helps me get words out, and sometimes I even do it without realizing, which isn't always great at school. My mom usually tells me to stand still, but it makes it much more difficult to get my thoughts to stop wandering. I just can't. It also relieves some anxiety. Anyway, I also used to enjoy have the same book read to me over and over again; it was an alphabet book, and the title escapes me at the moment. She said she had tried to hide it on numerous occasions, but I would throw a fit, so she had no choice but to get it and read it to me over and over. At the age of 18 months, I could name every letter in the alphabet. I could recognize them on paper, tell you the sound they made and recognize them by sound as well (i.e- If you made the nnnnn sound, I would tell you that the letter N made that sound). You could put them in any order, and I would still recognize them. I was reading Dr. Seuss at 3 and by 5, I was reading Magic Tree House books without the tapes. I've always loved reading. Kindergarten was fine; besides the first week, which involved lots of crying and refusal to do anything, I got along pretty well. My obsession at the time was Powerpuff Girls, and I loved being Buttercup. For the most part, me and two other girls would reenact the previous night's episode. I didn't like making up new story lines. I was generally pretty loud, and cut people off a lot. That's about all for this section. (Most of this info was told to me by my parents, however I do remember some of it.)

Grades 1-3: Late July and August before grade 1, my mom told me that everyday, at almost the exact same time, I would come up and find her, and I'd be very anxious and distressed. She said she assumed it was just anxiety over starting school, but looking back, it was a little strange. I started French Immersion since I was already quite advanced with English. School was a bit harder for me. for starters, it was completely different than what I was used to. Secondly, my mom started to make me wear jeans. I couldn't stand the fabric of jeans, yet she wanted me to wear them every day that we didn't have gym (which was every second day). Which meant that I threw fits every second day. She assumed I was just being difficult, but I am very sensitive to certain fabrics, and jeans were a huge problem for me. As far as the other kids, I just didn't really like them. I didn't have too much trouble with them, but it wasn't too easy either. So I opted to go it alone. Every day at recess, I would just pace around the playground, and I'd hum to myself, or make up stories, or both. I had my own little world. My major obsession at that time was Pokemon, which was a good thing because a lot of other kids were into Pokemon too. I would take my handbook every day and draw or read about Pokemon whenever I had a spare second. Around grade 2 I had developed a bit of a problem: I had an obsessive fear that I'd have to go to the washroom at a time where I wasn't able to get to a washroom, and have an accident. I went to the bathroom as often as I could, and even my teacher was a little concerned. That fear subsided around grade 3, mainly because I had the same fear at home of wetting the bed, but my parents set a two bathroom trip limit. At first there was a lot of crying and fits, but I eventually realized that I wasn't going to have an accident every 5 seconds. I also had a teddy that I had to sleep with every single night; there was this one patch of fabric or its head, and I had to be rubbing it every night or I couldn't go to sleep. Grade 3 wasn't too special; continued to be a loner, got good grades, etc. Then came the worst.

Grades 4-6: These years were pretty much Hell. I wasn't able to be on my own, because when we switched playgrounds (Grades 1-3 have a playground, and 4-6 has their own as well), it's like we switched worlds. Loners we bullied relentlessly and they stuck out like a sore thumb. So I tried to befriend the girl I was closest to, Laura. It was hard fitting into girl world; I didn't understand group dynamics, like when it was my turn to speak, subtle body language (I could read some, but not all) and wouldn't look them in the eyes. My interests weren't like theirs at all. They didn't care about what type each Pokemon was or that cats have an inner eyelid (Pokemon and cats were my obsessions then), they liked celebrities and bad music and Disney Channel shows. I still liked the movies, which was considered childish. I tried to be like them, but always failed. I was teased because I didn't want to go out with a boy, because I flapped my arms, because I was me. I didn't always catch their sarcasm. My clothes never matched. I'd had the same haircut forever. Our group leader was intimidating beyond belief, and misunderstandings with her got me slapped in the face, held down in the snow, and for the most part, put down. On my birthday, she constantly tried to make me the center of attention and urged everyone to come up and wish me happy birthday and give me cards. At first I thought she was being nice, but it soon got overwhelming, and I realized she just put me on the spot to make me uncomfortable. I also became a big hoarder during this time. Nothing could be thrown away without my permission and I searched the trash a lot. I never threw anything away. Sensitivity to textures and sound got worse and worse; I couldn't stand the feel of paper or Kleenex, I moisturized my hands all the time, I hated the sound of sniffling, gum chewing and whispering/incoherent talking, which is near constant in school. I still got good grades, but was miserable. My personality went from loud to mute, and I was passed off as shy.

And now we're up to the present. (Since grade 7 and 8 were almost the same, I'm just counting them as one here). Currently, I'm doing a little better. I made friends with a new girl named Brianne, and she is the first real friend I've ever had! I'm to having a friend, and I'm still learning, but she's patient and helps me with my social skills! I also made two others in grade 8, Breigh and Veronica. The three of us share a deep love for anime, Naruto especially. Sometimes it's easier to get along with them than Brianne. I still love Brianne, but we don't share as many common interests at all, so it will always require a bit more effort, but I try! I also have an anxiety problem though. Every single morning before school, I feel like I will throw up. Literally. I even have before. And that sort of led to my old fear of having an accident come back, except now it's being sick. I feel this way before I go to school, anywhere new or unfamiliar or a place with lots of people. Sensitivity is also terrible for me. My ears are constantly plugged during class. No one says anything, but I get odd looks. Oh well.

Due to the problem of being sick, since the beginning of last year, my mom took me to see a psychologist. In April, he raised the topic of Asperger's. My mom's been pretty opposed to the idea of it, and although she never said anything to the doctor, she refuses to believe that I'm anything less than 'normal'. She doesn't like to talk about it either, and she doesn't want me to talk about it. They gave my mom two sheets to fill out, and one said I was up there, but not quite AS and the other I was in the high-functioning AS range. I received no official diagnosis. When I researched AS, I felt like almost everything fit for me (though I'd definitely be in the high-functioning range). I've been around people with AS and felt at home with them. I'm not saying I want a diagnosis so I can just use it as an excuse for any bad behaviors, it would just answer so many questions for me, like "So this is why I always script conversations...", "So that's why I can't stand the feel of Kleenex and always flip the boxes over..." etc. I don't really even need a diagnosis, although I wish I could do my schoolwork anywhere but the classroom. I get 85% of it done at home because I just can't work in there. I just want to know why I'm so different from other teenagers. Anyway, what do you guys think? Also, I may have left somethings out, because I did this pretty quickly and there`s a lot to cover! So if you have any questions, please ask!

Welcome to Wrong Planet, young lady. Perhaps the school counselor could assist with difficulties your Mom has with accepting your probable AS status? Is there an adult you feel you can trust to help you out with getting the AS diagnosed?

Otherwise, you come across as doing very well for yourself!

Thanks for the comment I have been doing pretty well as of late, mainly because it`s summer all the stress and anxiety that comes with school is gone!

I am going to see my doctor in mid-July, perhaps I`ll talk with him a little about. Or maybe e-mail him. I get my thoughts across better with text than words. Anyway, I`m glad I found this site; I thought it`d be nice to get the opinion of someone with asperger`s syndrome on the matter.

All of that sounds very much like me. With kindergarten (and most of grade school) I was a wreck every single morning (extreme separation anxiety) but usually settled down after about an hour or so. The teacher helped me to calm down by handing me a book and asking me to read to the class while she did something else. I was happy and so were the other kids. In 6th grade someone recognized me and remembered that I was the only one who could read, not that I was a "weirdo."



Yup, all very familiar. However, it was more a matter of the other kids not liking me: they made that pretty clear from the beginning when I switched schools. As a result, of course I didn't like them (with a few exceptions) and avoided everyone whenever possible. I would kick a soccer ball around at recess or hide in the library. In third grade, I met another kid who was very much like me, and we started hanging out whenever possible. We are still friends even now (mostly via e-mail). It's like he's my brother.



This was my experience from Grades 1-5. It was all pure hell, with the minor exception mentioned above. Most of the girls I knew were total b***hes--the only kids I got along with at all were guys. Most of my life, I have felt more "male" than "female." Now, it's some of both.



I had the "throwing up" problem from kindergarten through Grade 6, to some degree. I completely sympathize. I made a few other friends through Grade 8, but none I was that close to. Grades 9-12 (high school for me) I became close with a few guys (again, like my brothers) but we lost touch after graduation.



Most of what you described sounds very much like AS. You are handling things very well, BTW. Being your age is hard enough without this to deal with too. You sound very mature, which will also help a lot, with everything, throughout your life.

Your philosophy about "knowing" is very healthy. Now "it" has a name, and you know "why" you do certain things and feel certain ways. I am self-diagnosed with an online test, and "knowing" helps me in the same way. No excuses, like you said, just reasons.

I hope your mom comes around and realizes that all this means is you're a little "different," not "abnormal." (Maybe, after a while, she'll want to join the "Parents' Discussion" forum on this site.) I was lucky enough to have a mom who basically guessed it herself (calling my "oddities" symptoms of "mild autism") and helped me learn how to deal with them so I could eventually come to handle the "big bad world." Her (and my) efforts paid off--I just graduated with a Master's degree.

I am 31. When I was your age and younger, the term "Asperger's syndrome" didn't exist. If you weren't "classically autistic," you were just "a weirdo," which is how most people saw me. I went to several therapists before the age of 10 and none of them had a clue.

Welcome to WP! I'm glad you found us. Hope you will consider this site to be "home" for a very long time.

(Btw. great username! Are you an "Animaniacs" fan? I loved that show!)

Welcome, Hello-Nurse7, to the WP forums.

i had similar problems, i am very afraid of throwing up, and some days particuarly years 8-12(currently in yr 12) ive point blank refused to go, or take food to school for fear of throwing up, i have to eat at certain times, which dont match the school times so i have to eat in class, i have no friends whatsoever and have many sensory issues which leads to me running my ipod all day at school, i was only diagnosed this year, through my coming up to mum and saying i thin i have aspergers, quite a few times, and metioning how i fit in completely, so mum started to research and agreed, we told my dad, who took a few minutes to get used to the idea then we went to my awesome doctor who reffered us to a psychologist, all my teachers know but none of the other kids know, just because i already get bullied by young kids cause i sit alone(they threw garbage in my hair, and jump out at me to make me fall down the stairs), for my severe anxiety ive done the gluten free and casein free diet and it helps the stomach problems too also eliminating excess sugar, peanuts, sat fat, trans fats soy and yeast help, the school is really good about it, and even before i was diagnosed last year when the year 11 trial exams came around and i paniked on the morning of the exam saying to my mum i couldnt sit in the quiet exam room with people scratching their pens on paper or breathing, and i needed to take my giraffe to the exam and i just couldnt do it, we went to the deputy and they let me have a separate area to do my exams, and the same for the hsc.

just keep trying to tlk to ur mum and take her to the doctor with you

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

@Conundrum

Thanks a bunch for your feedback I think the main problem is that my mom doesn't really know a whole lot about AS. She seemed fine until he mentioned it was on the autistic spectrum, and then she seemed pretty opposed to it. And I agree with what you said about most girls being b**ches. That girl Laura and her group of friends were terrible. She treated me more like her minion than her friend, because she knew that I had no one else and I wouldn't leave. Anyway, thanks again. I'm really starting to love this place :]

(Yup, I'm a pretty big Animaniacs fan, actually )

@aspie_giraffe

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I've missed a lot of school due to the throwing up problem, and also because of melt downs. I don't have my report card, but I know I've missed at least 30, and only about 8 or 9 of those days I was actually sick. The rest were missed because of melt downs, anxiety and throwing up due to anxiety :/ I'm not allowed to run my iPod at school because it's a class rule, and if I told them I had sensory problems they'd think it was just a creative excuse. But I have it in almost constantly at home, and it helps a lot because instead of hearing all those terrible sounds, I get to hear my favorite music :] I've heard of the gluten free and casein free diet. Perhaps I'll do a little research. I will have my first exams next year, but my doctor assured me that he'd give me a note that would allow me to work in a separate area, which is nice. I'm sorry to hear about you being bullied and not having any friends. I met my best friends through going to our school's anime club, which is now shutdown. Being bullied is terrible, isn't it? Even though I left the worst of it behind, I still get a fair share from other girls. Luckily, it's summer vacation here, so that's over for a whole 8 weeks

@CockneyRebel and @JetLag

Thanks! I'm really starting to love it here!

t's good your taking steps to address your Asperger's. You said your making friends who must be good people to help you with your social skills. This will help you especially in high school when if you don't know the social norm you will be teased outcast. I've heard girl world in high school can be brutal. Personally I read books about Asperger's and it's helped me understand myself better. My mom read the books to. It's cool sometimes we talk about my Asperger's. I hope your mother will understand how you feel. Wish the best God Bless

@alexlvsport

Thanks for your input. I do get teased sometimes for being out of loop. Brianne tries her best, but it's partly the fact that I don't care about fads. It's been a little hard with her lately, because she's become very popular since she moved here, and her new friends have made it no secret that I'm not welcome However, everything with my other two friends is good, and I should be thankful for that

My mom's been pretty accepting of the fact that I'm not as social and do things differently, but it's my sensory issues that cause problems and fights with her. She gets extremely annoyed if I pace while trying to talk, offended if I cover my ears in the car because she's chewing gum, and can't stand the way I react to small noises I hate. When I have meltdowns, she's sympathetic at first, but after about 10 minutes, she gets fed up and tells me to stop acting like a child, which makes it worse. I just wish she would accept those things, diagnosis or not.