You know, I don't usually write or read introduction posts, largely because I have trouble remembering anything from them, and frequently am more annoyed than touched at the outpouring of "hello! welcome!" replies. Perhaps those issues are somewhat Aspie of me? Here, though, I've been trying to figure out how to post my biggest questions, and it occurred to me that I was drafting an introduction post in my head. So, I'm trying something new: actually introducing myself on a forum!
A couple years ago, my mom commented to me (casually; it came up in conversation) that she had heard a description of kids with Aspergers Syndrome and thought that it fit my childhood behavior to a T. I had heard descriptions of AS and thought they sounded a bit like me, but I had dismissed it, since you can hear a description of almost any psychological disorder and think that some parts of it fit you. So when my mom said that, it kinda stuck in my mind as "ok, maybe there's something to this." And then I proceeded to do nothing with the idea for a few years. Until a few nights ago, when I found myself preoccupied with my specific social dysfunctions, and couldn't sleep for thinking about it. So I got up and did some googling. I got to the point where I was more sure of being Aspergers than I had been before. The problem is, a LOT of the info I found online is about kids with Aspergers, and not as much about what adults can do to cope with it. I registered for WP, figuring that here was a community where I could maybe get some answers. It was taking a while to send me the activation link, so, it being 4am, I went back to bed, and did manage to sleep after some tossing and turning. Over the next couple of days, I did more reading, including here, and took a couple of online quizzes. Each and every quiz gave me something to the effect of "you are almost certainly an Aspie." So, short of professional evaluation, I feel pretty certain that I am, in fact, an Aspie.
Now, I'm left with the question of "So what?" I am whoever I am, and always have been, and always will be. There isn't some medication or diet that will cure or treat AS. I can try to meet other Aspies to try to learn more coping skills, but I've been coping with life, borderline successfully, for years now. Maybe it will make it a little easier to admit the areas where I'm simply not coping, and frankly, am putting the burden on my husband. I certainly could seek out a therapist who specializes in autistic spectrum disorders in adults, and that could potentially be really helpful in building coping skills, but I don't know if we can afford it right now.
I guess it's an improvement to be struggling to comprehend what it means to be Aspie versus struggling to comprehend what's wrong with me that I can't stay on top of the housework.
14 Jul 2010, 4:50 pm
