getting official diagnosis tomorrow...maybe

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Hi,

I am located in MD and tomorrow I am going to a pysch for an official diagnosis. Always knew that I was a bit odd as a child, adolescent, and adult. I researched a lot about what this could be minimal brain dyfunction and fetal alcohol syndrome (though my mother doesn't drink alcohol). I just knew I was odd in a way that I could not really explained based on my upbringing. Never really knew about Asperger's until I heard it on TV mentioned in relation to a contestant on the Amazing Race and did some research. What I have read about Aspie's especially women with AS makes me think strongly that I have AS. I don't know if a positive diagnosis would make much of a difference since I am very certain. I might shed a few tears about how I was cursed from birth. Unelightened thinking but I do feel that way sometimes.

Mostly I feel that AS has been a source of strength. I have done a lot in my life mostly alone, not waiting for someone to go with me just because I knew I would never be part of a group so I have explored on my own. I am highly educated and am the only one in my family to go to college and beyond. The only way I can explain it is that I just got it in my head in 7th grade when I got into the accelerated math program that smart people go to college and I was going to college. I didn't have any idea what I wanted to study, no role model within my family, no encouragement from my family, low SES, and no motivation beyond an obession with going to college and that I needed good grades to do so. I am grateful for AS because I have had an amazing life. I have struggled socially but I have a few friends, some physically and emotionally closer than others. I feel lonely most times because I have never had that close group of girlfriends and missed out on the female bonding experience. Most friends are male.

I have read that if you think you are As then you probably are. Do you think that is true?

K

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

I basically learned about Asperger's Syndrome from an online medical website that was given to me by my mother, anyways Welcome!

Welcome to Wrong Planet! Always remember, the odd people are the best people!

Welcome to the WP community, kayef - and good luck with your diagnosis.

welcome

No, not necessarily. In fact, I'm certain there are a great many who are convinced they have AS who do not.

I will say, however, that those who do have AS are probably among the few groups with a neuropsychiatric condition who are capable of accurately self-diagnosing, mainly because there are so many sets of effects, symptoms and behaviors and if they all fit, well, that's pretty damned coincidental.

I feel the real question is: Is your condition a disability that causes you to experience handicaps in daily functioning? If not - if in fact you feel your differences are a 'gift', then why do you feel the need for a label at all?

I think if AS is the accurate diagnosis for you, you may come to the ultimate conclusion that it's been holding you back all your life in ways you have yet to fully realize.

Sometimes its kind of like having a sore back that just aches and aches and you have no idea why - for years this goes on, until one day someone stops you and asks "Wow - how long have you had to hobble around on that wooden leg?" You think WTF is wrong with this nut? Then you look down and OMG!! You've been hobbling around on a wooden leg and you never even realized it! No wonder your back is sore!

I know that's a weird analogy, sounds more like a disturbing dream, but I was having revelations like that nearly once a week for more than a year after being diagnosed.

AS ruined my life. Woe is me.

Yes my daily functioning is affected. I am in a stressful environment and I can't socialize in that environment because of all the self-monitoring I have to do (checking posture, facial expression/relaxation, counting seconds eye contact, etc). People think I am anti-social and this has happened a lot in my life with negative consequences. So my life could have been better. But still have done amazing things with my life and I strongly believe that having AS played a part in that.

good luck

So the psychiatrist I was referred to thinks I do not have AS. I am not attached to the diagnosis, but am trying to figure out how to help myself and deal with some of the issues I have been having throughout my life. Everything I tell her she says that social anxiety as if the two are mutually exclusive. And they are not correct?

I don't think I have social anxiety because I don't necessarily have anxiety about doing things in public or interacting with people. I have just learned that people do not always appreciate what I say and how I say it. I don't really understand how non-verbal cues are involved in social interaction. I was telling her about how I don't understand what I am supposed to do when I pass by people at work or school. This has always been an issue for me. Do I say hello in the morning and just ignore them the other times I pass by them? Do I smile and make eye contact everytime I pass them? When I make eye contact, how long am I supposed to hold eye contact? Am I supposed to do something with my hands like wave? Etc. Her response was that's anxiety. Maybe. I don't know. She went through medical school and must know what she's talking about.

I am seeing her mostly for another issue and don't really like her style with dealing with the other issue so I don't think I will be seeing her again anyway.

Last edited by kayef on 22 Jul 2010, 6:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to WP and good luck on your diagnosis.

To WrongPlanet!! !