Not sure if this is the correct forum, but yeah, I'm sure you get that problem a lot. But sorry if its the wrong one.
So, yeah, I'm 20 and I'm starting to wonder if I'm AS/high functioning autistic/etc who managed to slip through the cracks. I'm not so sure given the amount of psychologists and trips to the mental correctional facilities I've had- it seems at least one would of guessed it if it was likely, but then again, they never figured it out and were all worse than useless. And I know there are guides that are supposed to help me guess, but isn't self-diagnosing autism a lot like having a written questionnaire to test for illiteracy?
There are several problems with that metaphor, but I'm going to grit my teeth and not try to think of a better one.
But, yeah, I'm poor and uninsured, and when you combine that with my contempt for psychologists/psychiatrists, I really don't want to get tested until I already know the answer. But I do need to figure out whatever is wrong with me, or I'm pretty much guaranteed to end up homeless.
I have a lot of emotional and social things that I feel point toward it - severe trouble relating to people, trouble answering open ended remarks, a tendency to say inappropriate or offensive things (or at least people tell me they are inappropriate or offensive), dislike of looking at faces (that whole looking-at-the-forehead trick doesn't make me feel any better), feel the exact same uncomfortable-ness whether complimented or insulted, a love of privacy, difficulty understanding things deemed "common sense" while excelling in subjects deemed difficult, fairly convinced that "empathy" is a made up term even amongst NTs, and a tendency to have postures or hold things in ways that other feel the urge to inform me are abnormal, a tendency to get overly emotional for reasons other can't understand yet feel nothing in situations I'm supposed to be upset. But I'm not going to rely on those, as they are subjective, but rather point out the various facts of my life:
- No one is exactly sure when I learned to walk. My mom caught me out of the corner of her eye, and when I noticed she noticed, I quickly dropped to the ground. This carried on for several months.
- When I was three my mom noticed that I was limping. Took me to the doctors and it turned out I had broken my ankle and refused to believe I didn't cry or seek attention- considering I started crying and biting when they tried to give me the X-Ray.
- I taught myself Algebra from one of my mom's old college textbooks in 3rd grade. I learned how to tie my shoes in 7th.
- -can't- go to crowded places - malls, concerts, etc. and can only go to supermarkets on off hours... after a few days of failed attempts.
-Can't walk into places and ask for a job application. Tried repeatedly, always ended up parking in a parking lot and crying.
- Had a job at McDonalds working in back, but all the smells and buzzers and heat and people made me run several times to the bathroom to cry, until the 3rd day when I just started balling and ran out.
-Have a job now as a custodian, but I'm probably going to get fired as I tend to zone out and spend 15-45 minutes cleaning a piece of furniture I was only supposed to wipe off and usually misunderstand directions even after I annoy my boss repeatedly asking for clarification.
-Had severe emotional trouble from 6th-9th grade, repeated suicide attempts, mental hospitals loved to annoy me by going on and on to eachother in front of me about how I was the worst cutter they'd seen, in 9th grade was suspended+"academic probation" a total of 17 times. Then I dropped out of school, cut off contact with all but a few "friends"(acquaintances that I'd only wanted to see roughly once a month) , and all of a sudden I was happy. Then I enrolled in adult ed, started hanging out with people, got into a relationship, etc. and all of a sudden became depressed again.
- Tried going to college. Had to drop my speech class for obvious reasons. Then my Composition class for obvious reasons. Was doing good in College Algebra, but I had to miss the finals for personal reasons, but since I was top GPA in the class she didn't want to fail me and tried to schedule a time I come in to make it up. I decided it was better to just drop that class too.
So yeah, obvious emotional/social difficulties, but do they indicate something in the autism spectrum or should I search elsewhere?
30 Jul 2010, 8:29 pm
