Hi...
As you can already see in the topic's subject: I'm new, and I'm an aspie... or maybe I'm not. And I have registered here to find out, since the several tests on the internet don't help me and I'm still not sure enough to go to a psychatrist to get a diagnosis.
Well, to give you some solid facts about me: I'm 18, German, and currently a student - I want to become a primary school teacher, which probably isn't aspie at all.
Actually, this is part of the trouble I have with aspergers: Some of my traits are very-aspie-indeed and some are not-aspie-at-all.
For example I can read facial expressions and body language almost to perfection, I understand irony and similiar expressions, I am very creative, with a simingly unlimited imagination, and untidy. These facts have alawys kept me from even consider any autistic syndrome for my strangeness.
However, a few months ago I stumbled over something that turned the way I viewed myself upside down: I read that some aspergers learn to read facial expressions.
From that moment on I started to reasearch and questio every single aspect of my life. I found traits in my life that seemed to practically stink of aspergers: My social awkwardness, my sloppy posture and strange way to walk, avoidence of eye contact, difficulty with small-talk, obsessive interests, my being extremly difficult with food, nervous breakdowns over things that other people couldn't care less about...
In short: I found a term that summarized almost every part of what I used to think was "random strangeness" with only one word.
But, as I said, while many sypmtoms fit extremely well, some don't fit at all. I tried to find out whether it was possible that I am an asperger despite this, but didn't succeed in finding an explanation.
Eventually I decided that probabaly I'd never get to know and dropped the subject.
Then, some days ago, the subject brought up itself again. I was doing some research for a term paper with a subject that borders autism. Since that part naturally interested me, I read a few articles about that, although it was not really a part of my term paper.
Reading one if these articles, I notices a certain phrase: "female aspergers".
Sensing a new trail to follow, I continued my research. And found out that at the age of 14/15, I had been (except for my untidyness) practically the incarnation of the supposed and strongly debated "female aspergers". Most of the symptoms are still obvious today. While I'm ahead of my age gruop with my intellectual skills (at least people keep telling me how intelligent I am; and in Germany it's still uncommon for 18-year-olds to already be a student), in some kind of way I always seemed to be a little "childish" with interests that were not really suitable anymore for someone my age.
Nevertheless I faced the same problem again: I show many of the symptoms of "female aspergers" - almost all of them - but some things still don't fit.
Although these "things that don't fit" are actually important traits (such as being extremely tidy or having certain routines) I seem to be able to find some loopholes (I'm untidy but hate it when my parents don't set the table "correctly" and always put the cold cuts very,very orderly on my bread; I don't have a daily routine but once had an argument with my brother because he hadn't decorated the Adent wrath in our "traditional way")
All in all: I'm confused. Extremely confused, and whatever I read doesn't really add any new information.
My hope is that this forum can help me with finding out what I really am. Everything in me seems to insist that I'm an asperger, but I'm afraid that this might only be the desire to finally belong to some group.
Okay, so this was a reaaally long introduction... but I guess I just had to get this off my chest...
02 Aug 2010, 5:27 am
