My parents have different views on autism.

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Azreal
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15 Aug 2010, 7:23 am

Hi I'm new to this site. My parents have different views on autism, and that's why I'm undiagnosed because my parents wont let me go to the doctor to get diagnosed. I have seen another doctor in private though and they have commented that I should see other doctors about this, which was when I spoke to my parents and they said no. I noticed that I have to ask my parents or someone I trust what exactly to say in social situations, even speaking on the phone. I find most situations awkward and have trouble communicating and showing the right amount of emotion. I'm really scared because I don't want to be alone. I want to be able to show someone I love them. I have watched heaps of videos and read many articles on this syndrome, I don't know what to do, I'm underage and my parents wont allow me to do anything about it. They say that if I believe I have it, that I'll always be labeled as different, and that they couldn't look at me the same again.



Guitar_Girl
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15 Aug 2010, 7:51 am

Hello, Azreal. Welcome to WP!

I don't think you will be always labeled as different. And remember you can always be yourself on this site!
You don't have to worry about what we think. Actually, you remind me a little of myself.
I hope your situation with your parents gets better.

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ChasUFarley
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15 Aug 2010, 9:30 am

Welcome aboard.

I'm going to ask a question that may seem "judgmental" - please trust me when I say it is not... but I'm assuming you're over 18, if you're living with your parents, going to school, and able to see a doctor without their consent? Am I correct? (Please don't feel you have to answer that either.)

I'm just curious as to why you'd seek diagnosis and then not pursue it?

As a mother of one child diagnosed HFA, I admit it was a hard diagnosis to digest at first. I had/have a million questions, as any parent might have: Will my son be able to be in main stream classes? Will he always be violent? Will he be able to go on to higher education? Drive? Have friends? Have a girlfriend? .... you get the idea.

But what's most important now is that he gets the help he needs to cope with life and get a good education. Having a diagnosis onboard for him insures that the schools will provide him the services he needs, such as speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc. We are lucky to have a good special education program in our public school.

My point is that you may get additional services in school, at no charge to your parents, if you are diagnosed. Your parents should be aware there are other medical conditions and issues that you may be dealing with, related to Autism - gluten allergies, GI issues, depression, etc., are some of the issues. It's no different than getting a diagnosis of diabetes or any other condition; yet it sounds as though your parents are carrying forward the old 'mental health' stigma that was/is attached to Autism today.

And another question - would you be willing to be more of an advocate for yourself, medically, or do you feel that your parents would not accept you doing that at this time? (Again, please don't feel like you have to answer that...)



JetLag
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15 Aug 2010, 9:33 am

Hello and welcome to the WP neighborhood, Azreal.


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DrHouseHasAspergers
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15 Aug 2010, 11:43 am

My mom has the most problems with my AS diagnosis. She keeps telling me that I'm so borderline it's like I don't even have it. While I know I am very high functioning, I also know I am not as "normal" as she wants me to be. I have three older brothers she is always comparing me too. It's always "why don't you have more friends like your brothers?", "why can't you be social?" and "why aren't you trying to make friends?"
My dad tells me that I should tell people about my AS so they know why I am different, but my mom makes me feel like I should be ashamed for having Asperger's Syndrome. She often tells me that she is "embarrassed for me".
I only was evaluated because I was seeing a therapist for depression and she referred me to a behavioral health therapist who then diagnosed me with AS.



richie
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15 Aug 2010, 5:43 pm

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15 Aug 2010, 6:25 pm

Welcome to WrongPlanet. :D


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xemmaliex
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20 Aug 2010, 5:11 am

wow... im sort of, nearly in the same position as you . my mum is completely against me going to the doctors, as she spoke to ONE friend who is 'sure' i dont have it. I will wait until im older to get officially diagnosed. im 14 by the way.... My dad doesnt even know of my suspicians, as he is not living with us. though if i told him, he thinks so much of me he would just laugh it off and tell me im a worryguts lol :D I will count myself as self diagnosed. she says it will muck up my whole life,having a 'label', and i wont ever get a job if am diagnosed, and she doesnt want any more stress in her life. i said to that 'wow, mum having the stress of an autistic child in your life... how HARD that must be. Well think of me. And think of every other mother in the world!' i OWNED her :D she doesnt know i even go on here. she is against the internet, too.
I hope all goes well for you :)



chessimprov
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25 Aug 2010, 12:29 am

DrHouseHasAspergers wrote:
My mom has the most problems with my AS diagnosis. She keeps telling me that I'm so borderline it's like I don't even have it. While I know I am very high functioning, I also know I am not as "normal" as she wants me to be. I have three older brothers she is always comparing me too. It's always "why don't you have more friends like your brothers?", "why can't you be social?" and "why aren't you trying to make friends?"
My dad tells me that I should tell people about my AS so they know why I am different, but my mom makes me feel like I should be ashamed for having Asperger's Syndrome. She often tells me that she is "embarrassed for me".
I only was evaluated because I was seeing a therapist for depression and she referred me to a behavioral health therapist who then diagnosed me with AS.


I have the opposite problem. My parents tend to use it as a clutch of why I make mistakes or do things wrong for a lot of things. They think I'm always so dumb even for things that are definitely not common sense. There's an unintentional sick, logicness to it for them, but they do care about me very much so, and I care about them all the same. They don't see it as a difference, but that there is mentally something wrong with me that needs to be fixed. They've even forced medicine on me one time before that I've been able to logically deduce is not for me at all because I always have reasons for my emotions and reactions. It's not like I can't control them, so I don't need medicine.



chessimprov
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25 Aug 2010, 12:33 am

xemmaliex wrote:
wow... im sort of, nearly in the same position as you . my mum is completely against me going to the doctors, as she spoke to ONE friend who is 'sure' i dont have it. I will wait until im older to get officially diagnosed. im 14 by the way.... My dad doesnt even know of my suspicians, as he is not living with us. though if i told him, he thinks so much of me he would just laugh it off and tell me im a worryguts lol :D I will count myself as self diagnosed. she says it will muck up my whole life,having a 'label', and i wont ever get a job if am diagnosed, and she doesnt want any more stress in her life. i said to that 'wow, mum having the stress of an autistic child in your life... how HARD that must be. Well think of me. And think of every other mother in the world!' i OWNED her :D she doesnt know i even go on here. she is against the internet, too.
I hope all goes well for you :)


I feel your mother's concerns could have some validity depending on your condition and situation. On the one hand, if diagnosed early, you could receive services you would not have otherwise received. On the other hand, some opportunities to learn as well as the other students could be taken away from you because so much time is spent rehabilitating something that the people who are helping you out may not fully understand. Also, getting a good diagnosis could be expensive.



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28 Aug 2010, 3:20 pm

Hello


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