Hello
I came across this site doing a bit of research on AS. I heard about it two years ago when my distant cousin told me her 5yr old son at the time was diagnosed. I talked with her about my similarities I had as a kid that her son has. She tells me she has to sew a lot of his clothes, tag less shirts, tag less underwear, plain shirts, no jeans. Thanks for Hanes and fruit of the loom many are already tag less. He hates the texture of certain foods to. I always knew there was something different about me than others, I just didn’t know why, or even how to go about something I had no idea had existence. I’ve always had a hard time with emotions. My mom tells me she always feels like I don’t care about anything or that I’m non sympathetic to things, or how come I cant at least act like I care about something, but I don’t understand what it is I’m doing wrong, I just feel ashamed that I wasn’t getting what she was trying to tell me. My dad asks me why I don’t ever let people hug me or touch me. I remember he would think of it as a game. He would put his hand on my shoulder and Id squirm, or he’d sit close to me on the couch and Id move, so he’d follow, or touch in a different part of my body thinking it was funny. He even got my brother doing it. I would get so frustrated I would cry and freak out until my mom would say, "ok, that’s enough, leave her alone". I had a lot of problems at home, my dad assumed I didn’t love my family because my lack of affection and being solitary. I guess it wasn’t until this year I took aspergers into consideration and started reading on it and finding so many similarities. I had decided to listen to my cousin because my girlfriend was constantly telling me the same things I’ve been hearing my whole life. "why I don’t ever look at people when they talk to me, why I never respond to a conversation with an idea of what we were talking about, why I don’t like going out with her friends, how come I don’t talk to her friends, why don’t I ever give her the responses she’s looking for, why cant I just act like I care, why cant I say nice things, why am I smiling this is sad, why am I monotone". all of these after comparing them to others with AS, I started to think about and I started realizing that maybe I have found the answer as to why I was always known for the weird girl, or why I never understood peoples emotions towards things, or why I cannot look at people, or why they always ask me why I cant smile or why do I always have that look on my face. I just almost feel a relief, but I want to learn to be a bit less socially awkward.
I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but I’m looking to find somewhere or someone to talk to. If you have any suggestions or any insight on the very little aspects of my life I’ve typed out above, please post or send me a message
-Nicole
16 Sep 2010, 7:40 pm
